trident

Lately I've seen a lot of posts about feeling a craving for a drink because we feel we "deserve" it as a reward. We feel like we really want it but are not allowed to have it.

Here's an idea - how about seeing alcohol for what it really is, a poison that makes us feel like crap and act like idiots?

An example - I had a really tough day with the kids (mine are 2 and 4) yesterday. I was so exhausted when hubby came home and I had to rush off to the UPS store to mail a package. On my way, without the screaming kids in the car for the first time in a few days, I felt I really "deserved" a drink and realized my favorite liquor store was right next to the UPS store.

But a few minutes later, after mailing off my package (a big project I've been working on all summer), I already was feeling so much better. I realized I deserved a few moments of relaxation to myself, I deserved a big pat on the back for finishing my work project, and I deserved a nice evening with my family. The booze wouldn't help me feel better. It wasn't what I really wanted or needed after all. So, I didn't rush back to the craziness at home - I skipped the liquor store and walked down to the grocery store where I picked up some fancy bubbly fruit drinks and a few groceries just for me.

I asked myself what I really needed, what I really wanted, and it wasn't the wine after all - it was merely what I hoped the wine would give me - and I found it somewhere else.

This is only day 4 for me. I've been struggling to quit over this past year. I'm finally beginning to "get it."

lessgravity

Exactly, the poison exists only for its own sake.

If drink did relax us - we should take some before big presentations at work! Or pilots should have some before a nerve-wracking flight.

If drink made us happy - we should give it to kids when they are sad.

If drink calmed us - we'd only need a glass or two at most, then we'd be perfectly calm and wouldn't be on this site, seeking help and solace.

If drink made us social - we wouldn't have the dark forgotten nights of regret and idiocy.

If drink was good for us physically - we wouldn't know about the morning and days spent in a state of pure nasuea, where the only aid is more poison.

The poison does nothing but feed itself. That's it. Nothing more.

Thanks for the post!!

Oldselfagain

Great post trident. We're so conditioned to think of booze as a reward. Interested to hear what others are doing to "reward" themselves without alcohol?

Flying4Life

To break my habit of getting drunk sometimes I use the money I would've spent on alcohol on things that I enjoy such as dvds, cds, books, scented candles, fancy herbal teas, bubblebath and other spa type cosmetics like facials and foot scrubs.

Then I can take home my treat and enjoy it without the guilt that comes along with drinking.

choublak

Another thing I see a lot of is comparing quitting drinking to losing a close friend.

Alcohol is not your friend. As long as you keep telling yourself that you're losing a friend, you'll keep seeking it out, over and over again.

Mentium

I agree with this point so much. Alcohol is an enemy to reject, not a friend to ignore and then worry about.

Alcohol really offers next to nothing and for most of us what it takes in return makes it a very one sided bargain indeed.

jkb

Hi fellow Coloradan ... and good for you.

I realized this as well one day. It is a reward for normal people. However, when I use it I am punishing myself.

Jess

mecanix

Yeh i dunno what so special about gone off grape juice .

If i'd have took time to notice what my body did, it always rejected it . The sharp taste , the gurgling stomach , headache , sweats ... it is very much like food poisoning .

m

PrincessJasmine

Well done recognizing it for what it is

Lightning Bug

I used to treat alcohol as my reward for my hectic day with my 4 and 5 year olds. What a crock. I reward myself with popsicles now. We all have our weaknesses, we just need to make sure they don't make us drunk.

AlefVavResh

PippoRossi

Thanks for your post, Trident. Funny story: when I first decided to get sober, I went to see a counselor who I had seen in the past for some other issues. I figured it would be good since she already knew my "back story" and I wouldn't have to spend time explaining it to someone new. Well, when I told her I thought I was drinking too much, her advice was to, "Not drink for one day. Then, if you are able to do that, reward yourself with a glass of wine." I kid you not. Needless to say, I sought out a counselor who specialized in addiction. My point is that I think alcohol is seen by most everyone as some sort of reward because it is supposed to make you feel good. What a farce!

freshstart57

The idea that a drink is a reward is just the voice of our addiction, leading us and pushing us to take that next drink. Lies. We know they are lies, really, if we can just step back for a moment and see what is really happening. Certainly, I looked at alcohol as a reward for a long time, but then it became a jailer as I found myself trapped by it.

Alcohol is a major decision point, like right or left. If I drink, I can have alcohol, but I really forfeit everything else in my life. I forfeit my physical and mental health, my family, my job, my self respect. I can have one or the other but I cannot have both.

ineedhelp78

I've been thinking its a reward for too long, need help getting out of the funk.

lessgravity

Have you looked into AVRT and Rational Recovery? There's several excellent threads on the topics on this site.

ineedhelp78

Trident- same boat you're in: 2 kids under 4 years of age, stay at home mom, do the dane chore-like things every day with the help of little ones asking me and wanting me to be available for them constantly. Don't take a shower for a couple of days until I get the chance. I'm sick of the monotony, therefore I drink for a reward and a change in the daily routine....only one day sober yesterday and now today I had 4 shots.

ineedhelp78

No what is that lessgravity?

neferkamichael

Trident, This is only day 4 for me? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Sadly, it is a heavily promoted idea, but what's amazing is how easily we get duped into believing it. There is no reward for drinking. Rootin for ya.