Originally Posted by mecanix

I'm not looking for congratulations . I just wanted all of those people with day one threads today to know , two years ago . i was there .

I drank two bottles of wine a night , 3 to 5L of wine at the weekend or two 1L bottles of spirits . I used to shake , i used to feel sweaty all the time , i had heart arrhythmia, my trips to the toilet were explosive , i ached , i was a complete self centerd jerk, i was killing this miracle of a body and squandering the time of my life .

On the morning of sep 3rd 2011 , i fundamentaly accepted i was an alcoholic , i accepted that if i carried on it would kill me , no doubt ... and probably sooner than later with a blood pressure of 180/120 on hangover mornings .

I'd drunk that amount for at least 10 years . I could have days or even a few weeks off when stand-by for work beconed , but eventually once i had free time and money drinking would get to those levels quite swiftly .

I'd always sufferd from depression and only relaized i wanted to live a few years before ...5 or 6 years ago , not with any great enthusiasm but more as am acceptance of even if i'm an alcoholic and a complete failiure at everything i'd ever set myself to , i was going to play the cards delt to me by life fully and see it all through, play my part in the world , hell or heaven .

So anyhow back to the 3rd of sept 2011 , i realized the pain it had caused , it was causing , my Gran had died on the 1st of sept and i was only interested in how i could turn it into an excuse for a massive binge .. I knew i was an alcoholic a long time before probably in 1998 or so , accepting it took that long .

Accepting i would do anything, ANYTHING to stop it happend on the morning of the 3rd including if needed, asking my mum to put me in a straight jacket or getting handcuffed or restrained , giving up my job , moving to easter island or the artic . Also i had the thought if i don't do it now and mean it then when will i do it ? how much more of my life do i let go by in drunken turmoil ?

I also did a prayer to what or whomever was listening for help . I went and made a cup of coffee and realized i need never drink again if i didn't want to .

I haven't drank since .

There were cravings , there were withdrawls , there were some PAWS effects .

These days life is pritty peaceful and comfortable , i'm not depressed any more , life is worth living , sucess or failiure , up's or down's . i accept my own death is rushing towards me and my lovely parents even sooner .
I have no arguments , there are hastles but i know i can deal with stuff , there will be pain but i know i can bear it . For other unmanageable stuff i just accept it and see where i stand .

I hope you all get and stay sober my sweet fellow druggers and drinkers .
Life is painful sometimes , sometimes it hurts but it is also glorious and filled with wonder .

Bestwishes, m

Originally Posted by susasober1

Hi Mecanix,

Great post!

I have a similar story and my sobriety date is May 12, 2012...just curious...when u say 2 bottles of wine...do u mean 2 large double or regular size bottles? Honestly, I don't think 2 regular bottles is a lot! I could polish off one of those in just an hour or so! I was a real glutton for the wine!!!

Anyway good to hear your story...continued best!

Originally Posted by 13unluckyforsom

Oooooof theres always one lol susasober u say it like your proud or something. Alcoholism is a disgusting degrading disruptive deadly disease - the point is not what quantity he drank - why u feel the need to even say this disrupts my calm!

Originally Posted by Sasha4

I think your missing the point a little bit.

It was not how much Mecanix drank that was upsetting him.
It was the fact that alcohol, in anyway, shape or form, caused him great unhappiness in his life.

Sorry if I am speaking for you Mecanix and I hope I am right on that ? Please correct me if I am wrong?

Originally Posted by Sasha4

Everybody is in a different place as to how they understand addiction and alcoholism. Some are very wise, some just starting to learn.

Everybody is a different point on their journey to be sober.
Some have just started and some are well travelled.

I hope your calm has been found and you are back in your happy place?!

Wishing you the best xxxx

Originally Posted by 13unluckyforsom

Lol yep - back in my happy place - in bed sober - And I understand what your saying but it bothered me - maybe it wasn't my place to be bothered but anyways gnight x