misspond

Back in March of this year I joined this forum and I was doing well. Then I fell off spectacularly, just in the sense that I had a birthday that needed "celebrating", and then have had a holiday where the drinks were free and in all of the inbetween times I have felt that I could control my drinking. Except I couldn't.

Having just spent a week with a group of lovely people who, for the most part, were able to control their drinking (one or two gained a reputation quite early for being "drinkers") I have seen how pernicious my problem is. I probably drank more than most, hid it, didn't appear to be drunk (ha, or so I tell myself) and then woke up every morning, bright and early and made it to breakfast at 8am.

Back home, this weekend I have been on a massive bender and said something that has damaged friendships, but that has kicked me into a realisation that I cannot continue this way. So far AA is not for me, but AVRT amongst other things is placed firmly in my bag, and I will NOT let that weazly, sneaky voice convince me to walk to the shop with the kids on the pretense of buying milk, bread and sweets for them and bottle for mummy.

I have told my closest friends, who have looked at me in horror and exclaimed that I'm being silly, I don't drink too much. I know I do though. I know that I can put away a bottle of wine or more a night. I know that I've given up buying spirits because I fear how quickly I can drink them. I know that if I don't stop my children will be posting here or somewhere like it in 10 years time.

So, thank you for being here, thank you for reading and I will again add my voice of support to those that may need it and in return I may need some support of my own.

I'm currently on day 3.

lorelei

hello misspond, I am on day 3 and from the UK too, just seen you on the Sept Class, look forward to getting to know you on our journey to sobriety x

misspond

Thanks for the welcome Lorelei, I've seen you in your posts in when replying to others and can see that you're doing well so far. Keep it up! x

Yoctopus

Best of luck to you, misspond. Keep posting so we can follow your journey.

Afloat

Hi, It took me about 4 months after I joined SR to persuade myself that I had to give up. The shock of realizing just how bad things had got and that I really was an alcoholic rather than someone who drank too much was itself quite sobering, and I needed those 4 months to get used to the idea.

I read about rational recovery and reckoned that that was right for me; so here I am 683 days later and still sober! I very much hope it can work for you too.

misspond

Thank you Afloat (tea is one of my choices too, especially Morrocan tea, yummy ). I think you're right. I remember I came here shocked that I had realised I might be alcoholic, and for the first time in a long time decided I'd stop. Then I did that thing where I allowed the Beast to talk nonsense in my ear. This last weekend? Under the influence of alcohol, when I thought I was being funny and witty I nearly devastated the lives of a couple of those who are (were?) close to me.

Sadly, at least one of those people, to whom I have apologised profusely and hopefully been able to make amends to, still won't listen when I try and tell her that I have a problem. But I understand that that is because she relates her own drinking habits to mine but doesn't understand how much I was drinking, and thinks that it's just normal to drink so much. To be honest, maybe she's not being honest with me either? Anyway, the Beast is whispering and I am standing firm.

I have to do this now. I'm four years away from 50 and don't want to be addled, ruined and washed-up on my 50th birthday. I want to be strong and beautiful and proud and be a good role model for my children.

TucTee

Birthdays are tricky occasions. Celebrating one's self does lend to an urge for gratification. I was dry last birthday but certainly not in the time since. Keep it up and best of luck.

Also, is your username derived from Doctor Who? I like that show, thought your moniker could be a reference.

misspond

Ha, yes TucTee, it is from Dr Who, so far you're the only one who has asked that or maybe the first to even make the connection We have a house full of Dr Who stuff here and there's more to come as it's my son's birthday soon.

AlefVavResh

Sounds like you gained a lot of insights from this experience, so just add them to your toolbox

The one about your children was especially sobering (no pun intended) for me.

Congrats on day 3!