Making a plan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2024
Posts: 144
Making a plan
Hello all. I am currently making a plan. I can do the big stuff with no issues, New Years Eve, Christmas, birthdays, all those drinking holidays. What always gets me is a spur of the moment impulse buy at the grocery store. I can’t find a common denominator like hunger, stress, etc. It appears to be very random but I’ve read a relapse starts before you take that first drink so I’m going to start keeping track of anything that triggers that thought of “a drink would be nice” I know of at least 1 movie that doesn’t that to me. The guy is drinking a martini, I’m not even a martini drinker I’m a wineo so it seems weird that movie is triggering to me but it is.
Something like Instacart isn’t an option in my location. That might be a bandaid in early sobriety but is something I am going to have to learn to navigate that eventually. I thought maybe you guys would have some advice, suggestions or strategies on how to deal with that.
Thanks
Something like Instacart isn’t an option in my location. That might be a bandaid in early sobriety but is something I am going to have to learn to navigate that eventually. I thought maybe you guys would have some advice, suggestions or strategies on how to deal with that.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,285
I'll let the wise ones around here explain it but, just don't drink. I did not understand that at the beginning but it really does make sense. You seem to be overthinking it. There will never stop being triggers to drink in life. You have a physical addiction and mental obsession. Learned habits. You have to force yourself to create new habits and new ways of navigating life. Again I'll defer to the more eloquent members here. You are in the right place and you are going to get a hold of this. Welcome and good luck to you.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Welcome to SoberRecovery Alessandra
Making a plan is super and we here can help you with that if you wish. Here is a link to an Urge Log from SMART Recovery. That may help.
Keep posting, together as a group we can find a way to help you stay sober.
Making a plan is super and we here can help you with that if you wish. Here is a link to an Urge Log from SMART Recovery. That may help.
Keep posting, together as a group we can find a way to help you stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Impulse buying is by definition something that is not pre-planned, and having done that myself, I was never aware of something leading up to it either, which is why we call it an impulse. I think it's something we are used to doing so it's part of our life. We do it second nature without much thought. Then throw in the addiction factor, and now your body is just getting what it needs to make the addiction happy. None of that is planned, except maybe by your Alcoholic Voice, which does most of its plotting in your subconscious mind.
As a last resort, pour it down the sink. As Offthemast suggests, just don't drink the stuff, and don't fall for the "Well now I have to drink it since I bought it" line of thinking. That pure AV. If it's in your shopping cart take it out, and put it back.
Breaking bad habits is never easy, and it usually takes more action than thinking. Stop buying the stuff, which is the action, and worry less about why you are doing it, which is the thinking. It's 80/20 with 80 percent in the action, but shoot for 100, because that's where it must be eventually.
As a last resort, pour it down the sink. As Offthemast suggests, just don't drink the stuff, and don't fall for the "Well now I have to drink it since I bought it" line of thinking. That pure AV. If it's in your shopping cart take it out, and put it back.
Breaking bad habits is never easy, and it usually takes more action than thinking. Stop buying the stuff, which is the action, and worry less about why you are doing it, which is the thinking. It's 80/20 with 80 percent in the action, but shoot for 100, because that's where it must be eventually.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Hi and Welcome,
I would just zoom by the wine and beer aisle and try to stay focused on what groceries I was looking for. Try to eat something before you go grocery shopping, too, because hunger can be a trigger. And, when the AV starts talking to you, simply hear it and let it go. Don't engage which can give it more power.
I would just zoom by the wine and beer aisle and try to stay focused on what groceries I was looking for. Try to eat something before you go grocery shopping, too, because hunger can be a trigger. And, when the AV starts talking to you, simply hear it and let it go. Don't engage which can give it more power.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 433
Welcome.
Yeah, impulse buying is something we may want but not necessarily need. Alcohol is the only poison people willingly keep inside their refrigerators. Do you want it? No. Do you need it? No. You may want the extremely short-term "feel good" effects but you do not want the rebound and compound effects that lead to total life destruction, and physical and psychological misery. View alcohol on a store shelf as powerless it has no true power unless it enters your body - you have to invite it in.
Offthemast is correct.
Yeah, impulse buying is something we may want but not necessarily need. Alcohol is the only poison people willingly keep inside their refrigerators. Do you want it? No. Do you need it? No. You may want the extremely short-term "feel good" effects but you do not want the rebound and compound effects that lead to total life destruction, and physical and psychological misery. View alcohol on a store shelf as powerless it has no true power unless it enters your body - you have to invite it in.
Offthemast is correct.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
Given the knowledge of how we physically react to alcohol, the desire to drink is nothing more then insanity. To want to consume a chemical that we know is going to harm us. As step 2 of AA states to restore us to sanity. That is the insanity we need to be restored from.
Those big gatherings were the first thing I dreaded getting sober. OMG how am I going to handle that! It was much easier then I thought. A little bit down the road the tough stuff is those sudden moments of insanity. Me alone with my insane thoughts is more dangerous than me with a group of people.
Then the fear of OMG i can never drink again could set in. Right now, when I can drink again doesn't matter. Any time the desire to drink strikes its a quick cost benefit analysis. I figure how fast it will take until alcohol slams that cell door shut on my soul. At the absolute mercy of king alcohol, needing to feed the buzz whatever it wants. How will I really feel tomorrow? I don't really need to drink tonight so I will just not drink for tonight and kick the can down the road. I kind of procrastinated my way into longer term sobriety.
Bottom line, an honest evaluation of the situation determines its really not a good idea to drink tonight. Let's face it much of the rest of the night and tomorrow will absolutely suck. That's even before considering longer term consequences.
Those big gatherings were the first thing I dreaded getting sober. OMG how am I going to handle that! It was much easier then I thought. A little bit down the road the tough stuff is those sudden moments of insanity. Me alone with my insane thoughts is more dangerous than me with a group of people.
Then the fear of OMG i can never drink again could set in. Right now, when I can drink again doesn't matter. Any time the desire to drink strikes its a quick cost benefit analysis. I figure how fast it will take until alcohol slams that cell door shut on my soul. At the absolute mercy of king alcohol, needing to feed the buzz whatever it wants. How will I really feel tomorrow? I don't really need to drink tonight so I will just not drink for tonight and kick the can down the road. I kind of procrastinated my way into longer term sobriety.
Bottom line, an honest evaluation of the situation determines its really not a good idea to drink tonight. Let's face it much of the rest of the night and tomorrow will absolutely suck. That's even before considering longer term consequences.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Alessandra - welcome!
What helped me was 'playing the tape through to the end'...when hit by an impulse to drink I visualised where that drink would surely lead amd where I'd likely end up.
It was much harder to take a drink knowing the pain and suffering that drink would cause me.
I also used another technique called Urge Surfing
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...e-surfing.html (urge surfing)
Just because we feel triggered doesn't mean we have to react in the same old way - we can learn new ways
D
What helped me was 'playing the tape through to the end'...when hit by an impulse to drink I visualised where that drink would surely lead amd where I'd likely end up.
It was much harder to take a drink knowing the pain and suffering that drink would cause me.
I also used another technique called Urge Surfing
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...e-surfing.html (urge surfing)
Just because we feel triggered doesn't mean we have to react in the same old way - we can learn new ways
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,593
Welcome Alessandra,
Go lost in my own thoughts and forgot to say hello.
I don't know much about plans, I make them up as I go along. Day by day. Mostly.
Maybe make a list of the things you want to achieve in the day, and try achieve. Distraction really does help. Gets you out of your head.
The major plan is to stay sober, no matter what.
Go lost in my own thoughts and forgot to say hello.
I don't know much about plans, I make them up as I go along.
Day by day. Mostly. Maybe make a list of the things you want to achieve in the day, and try achieve. Distraction really does help. Gets you out of your head.
The major plan is to stay sober, no matter what.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Hi, Alessandra,
I needed a plan for every minute in the early days. That meant the store, the drive home from work, the evenings. Oh and those dang “Sunday Fundays.” Life was a trigger, every step. I couldn’t debate every thought, I had to shut them down and distract. Had to be ready for the store- make a list, get in, get out. Nothing extraneous goes in the cart. Not drinks, no matter what. If that meant adding ice cream and chocolate to my shopping list, I did that. It was a conscious behavior change, and yes, it was hard, but drinking was becoming harder. You must make the choice that you will not give in to the beast asking for drinks, and choose to live a free lifestyle. Once you truly make the choice, the debates go away. Sit down and write out all the reasons you want to stop drinking. Be honest with yourself. Put the list in your pocket and read it if that urge comes along. Add things to it as you think of them. Make plans to do something at night, go to a movie, go outside for a walk, go window shopping, take a class. Come to SR every day. I was here for hours at night, every night for as long as I had to be. Read and learn. Make friends. Get to know your sober self. Triggers don’t go away, it is our reactions that must change. This is where “I do not drink, no matter what” comes in. Use of that statement gives you a minute to recognize the urge and give your response, which is nope, not drinking, and then YOU are in charge and can change the conversation. Remove yourself from the situation, or head to the treat section (I’m in your shop here!) to reward yourself for a successful circumvention of the AV. Every time you do this makes the next instance easier and over time, you won’t give “triggers” a second thought.
It’s all about choices, and understanding that alcohol has nothing positive to give us, ever. It is all lies and the cause of the eventual loss of anything meaningful.
I needed a plan for every minute in the early days. That meant the store, the drive home from work, the evenings. Oh and those dang “Sunday Fundays.” Life was a trigger, every step. I couldn’t debate every thought, I had to shut them down and distract. Had to be ready for the store- make a list, get in, get out. Nothing extraneous goes in the cart. Not drinks, no matter what. If that meant adding ice cream and chocolate to my shopping list, I did that. It was a conscious behavior change, and yes, it was hard, but drinking was becoming harder. You must make the choice that you will not give in to the beast asking for drinks, and choose to live a free lifestyle. Once you truly make the choice, the debates go away. Sit down and write out all the reasons you want to stop drinking. Be honest with yourself. Put the list in your pocket and read it if that urge comes along. Add things to it as you think of them. Make plans to do something at night, go to a movie, go outside for a walk, go window shopping, take a class. Come to SR every day. I was here for hours at night, every night for as long as I had to be. Read and learn. Make friends. Get to know your sober self. Triggers don’t go away, it is our reactions that must change. This is where “I do not drink, no matter what” comes in. Use of that statement gives you a minute to recognize the urge and give your response, which is nope, not drinking, and then YOU are in charge and can change the conversation. Remove yourself from the situation, or head to the treat section (I’m in your shop here!) to reward yourself for a successful circumvention of the AV. Every time you do this makes the next instance easier and over time, you won’t give “triggers” a second thought.
It’s all about choices, and understanding that alcohol has nothing positive to give us, ever. It is all lies and the cause of the eventual loss of anything meaningful.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by Anna 
I would just zoom by the wine and beer aisle and try to stay focused on what groceries I was looking for.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,508
The imagery around alcohol is powerful, and even though I have never had one, the martinis in movies bother me a little; I think it is all the James Bond/adventure/romance nonsense that it conjures up in our minds.
Silly, huh.
One of the things I learned early in sobriety is to make sure I never went to the supermarket hungry.
If I was hungry, I would get nervous, and I would start thinking about the bottle shop (alcohol department), as it is in some stores in Australia.
So I guess I am suggesting that eating before grocery shopping is a good sobriety tool; it helped me to stay calm and shop in the early days. 
s
Silly, huh.
One of the things I learned early in sobriety is to make sure I never went to the supermarket hungry.
If I was hungry, I would get nervous, and I would start thinking about the bottle shop (alcohol department), as it is in some stores in Australia.
So I guess I am suggesting that eating before grocery shopping is a good sobriety tool; it helped me to stay calm and shop in the early days.
s
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Hullo Allesandra.
The alcoholic voice is certainly very tricky.
It can get us when feeling elated or down.
There are a lot of contingencies to cover
I find ongoing awareness very important
What are the many horrible aspects of alcoholism?
By regularly analysing such the AV can be weakened
I find a morning motivational review very helpful.
The alcoholic voice is certainly very tricky.
It can get us when feeling elated or down.
There are a lot of contingencies to cover
I find ongoing awareness very important
What are the many horrible aspects of alcoholism?
By regularly analysing such the AV can be weakened
I find a morning motivational review very helpful.
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