wakko

Great that you are staying sober through some tough times. When we sober up we start to seee things as they are. I don't blame my drinking on a bad marriage but I did stay in a bad marriage much much too long because I was drunk all the time. When we sober up the dynamics of relationships changes dramatically. The dysfunction in the relationship can no longer be drank away. Try to remember that sobriety has life and death consequences. The relationship is the relationship both good and bad.

Twistedhero

Hi there the only positive factor to you having a drink is that you will be pissed that feeling of being in control when being out of control remember the old saying " you won't find answers at the end of a bottle" we'll then the only answer is don't drink and do this for you! Time and time again we stop for others so let's concentrate on you for a change, Only you have the power to stay sober look how far you have come and all the great things you have done being sober so look in the mirror and smile for you are winning the war to end all battles.

Twistedhero

Hi there the only positive factor to you having a drink is that you will be pissed that feeling of being in control when being out of control remember the old saying " you won't find answers at the end of a bottle" we'll then the only answer is don't drink and do this for you! Time and time again we stop for others so let's concentrate on you for a change, Only you have the power to stay sober look how far you have come and all the great things you have done being sober so look in the mirror and smile for you are winning the war to end all battles.

Eleni58

UPDATE: It's monday--last night he threw all my People magazines out in a last ditch effort to rile me up and it didn't work so he stormed out of the house and spent the night in the camper. He got up and left for work--he is a truck driver so will be gone for a week. I am pretty sure it's over and I am no longer angry but sad. I have no urge to drink at the moment but am scared that urge will creep up on me during the week as the emotion of sadness envelopes me. I have not experienced this emotion sober and am terrified it will be an even worse trigger/urge to drink than anger was...big sigh...

soberhawk

Emotions are harder when sober - I am seeing that also - but we will get better at it. I am sure.

Stay in there Eleni. You will look back at this in a couple of months and feel good about having been strong.

lommey

Is he jealous I no I would be if my partner was sober 38 days and I was still drinking. Well done you for getting to 38 days

Croissant

Hi Eleni...I think Anna is right.

Plus (and I feel bad for saying it)....all I could keep thinking was that here we are, a bunch of strangers to you not long ago and we want the best for you more than you boyfriend?

I'm sure his response is probably something confronting him about his own drinking....but I see your response as, "why the hell shouldn't I drink because my boyfriend sure as hell isn't helping me to create the life I want for myself, I may as well give up".

It's easy for us not to care for ourselves if we think the ones who should love us, don't.

Don't lose your 38 days for this, Sweetie! Hugs. Xx

Croissant

[QUOTE=Croissant;4156141]

It's easy for us not to care for ourselves if we think the ones who should love us, don't.

/QUOTE]

Ugh, half asleep here....my comment above is in the context of "don't appear to care", not meaning he doesn't love you! Just that on the surface, it must feel he doesn't care if he's sulking about you not drinking.

Eleni58

here we are, a bunch of strangers to you not long ago and we want the best for you more than you boyfriend?

---------------------

Pretty sad eh? It just floors me that he is treating me this way now after being so supportive in the beginning

wpainterw

Eleni58:
Sounds like this "drinking truck driver" (remind me to stay off the roads when he's loose!) is part of your past and has no place in your promising future. He should have no power over you and should not be able to keep you from being happy. Time to do some housecleaning and get rid of him. I'm sure there are lots of supportive, sober guys out there who will be all too happy to replace him. Don't be afraid. Make alcohol and him part of your past. You know we support you here and you can get lots of support from recovering alcoholics where you live.
You've done a wonderful job so far! We're with you all the way! Keep on doing what you're doing!

W.

ReadyAtLast

you can get through this eleni.Can you maybe get to an AA meeting or call your sponsor. you sound very strong-you will get through it

Fandy

it sounds like he has been throwing a childish temper tantrum all weekend...

the pizza eating, magazine ditching attention ploy is a dead give away....I love the People Mag. crosswords and save them too!

what on earth is he feeling threatened with? Your continued good health?
In the past month have you guys done things while you are sober?

Hopefully he will do some thinking while he is away and apologize for his dumbass behavior. Or perhaps he is angry because he doesn't want to have the same commitment to sobriety and he wants the old you back (easier and less to consider that he may have a drinking problem of his own to examine).

what was the relationship like before you stopped drinking? (if you want to share).
glad you worked through this and are here venting and not drinking.

Anna

Eleni, I am so proud of you having the perspective to get through this difficult situation.

And, yeah, being sober sure does bring a lot of clarity into your life, doesn't it!

It sounds like it's time for you to move on and leave the past behind.

Twistedhero

Hi there again, Keep smiling don't start to let the monster rise inside you, For you yes you are in control what has happened was out of your control! You now control this situation your partner/ ex-partner does not light the fire within you it's just you, So extinguish the flame before it becomes an entire inferno let Phoenix rise from the burning ashes not perish and fall from grace.
We think people are trying to kick us off the wagon! But that's crazy to think someone or anyone would intentionally want us to fail unless they are completely heartless and twisted maybe just maybe some people look for an excuse look for a trigger instead of being completely honest with our selves you have to be strong no matter what.
Look at all the death and destructions of nations all over the world do we hear of people turning to the bottle maybe or maybe not?!!

Eleni58

In the past month have you guys done things while you are sober? what was the relationship like before you stopped drinking? (if you want to share).
-------------------------

Fandy--yes we have gone fishing, took walks, shopping, out to eat at restaurants, etc but he is a binge drinker and usually goes on his binges twice a month...being a truck driver he is usually only home from late friday night til sunday morning when he hits the road again so he will never drink on a Sat night nor does he drink while on the road.
This weekend he got home early friday and was off work until today thus two nights of him sitting at the bar getting drunk. He is incapable of going to a bar and stopping after one or two. Our relationship prior to me quitting was okay but not great --even while I drank I didn't go to bars with him much--I liked sitting at home and drinking and would pass out before he got home. Then on Sat nights he would sit here sober and watch me get drunk. We had a lot of huge fights but only when we were both drunk Our bonding time during the day would include fishing or visiting family and friends. To his credit he did take very good care of me as I had a lot of physical problems and chronic pain the last three years that prevented me from doing much of anything so he did it all when he got off the road--cleaning, cooking, laundry, dishes and yardwork. Since I quit drinking the pain has gone way down and I am able to walk a mile a day and able to do the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and dishes. I also am not passed out when he comes home drunk from the bar.

Eleni58

I just got off the phone with his best friend--also a truck driver-- and he said my boyfriend called him and said that "Eleni wants to do one thing and I want to do another. Can't do anything right. Sick of it all. I am just going to do what I want to do."

I guess this means he is not taking ownership for his behavior and is unwilling to make any changes or compromises. I am not calling or texting him. The ball is in hos court now but I do know we will have to sit down and talk at some point regarding our future or lack thereof.

Nuudawn

Hi Eleni. I was just trying to do a little math in my head. My first month of sobriety was relatively breezy not so unlike yours. I think I was on a major pink cloud. I sobered up on June 3rd. I believe it was July 12th (before an event)...some cravings felt like they appeared out of nowhere. It took me by complete surprise because I had just been sailing along easy breezy.... I almost lost my sobriety the following day. Like you, I posted here and was overwhelmed by the support. I made it through. I'm closing in on 3 months now. I've had some other shaky moments between then and now (not sure anything quite that bad)..but I've had them. I just relate how it can really throw ya when you've been doing so well. It can feel like a craving Tsunami : )

Plenny

Yikes I admire your cool head, although I know this is so stressful. Good luck this week we'll keep an eye on you.

Eleni58

UPDATE: Today marks 40 days of sobriety--slept a full 8 hours and took shower, went to store, bought ninja blender, got a whole bunch of fresh fruits and vegetables, Greek yogurt, almond milk, nuts and steel cut oats, and made a healthy smoothie.

Did a lot of thinking about the relationship--he still hasn't called--and decided I need to remove the negative forces from my life. I weighed the pros and cons and have determined he is a negative force.

ReadyAtLast

Congratulations on your 40 days.It's a great achievement,especially when you've had some relationship issues