I Finally have 30 Days
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
I Finally have 30 Days
Tonight at Midnight, I値l have 30 days of sobriety. My longest sober stretch this year was 28 days. I知 a binge drinker, so 30 days isn稚 something to get too excited about. Still, I知 proud of my 30 days, and I知 finding this stretch to be much more hopeful.
I had a bit of an epiphany during my last hangover, and I finally admitted deep down to my core that I知 an alcoholic--that I simply cannot control my drinking. Intellectually I knew this, but I didn稚 feel it. For some reason, my thick skull became a little thinner, and I realized I had always felt deep down that I could regain the ability to drink with control. Well, after literally hundreds of failed attempts at controlling my drinking, followed by hundreds of brutal hangovers filled with extreme physical and emotional anguish, I realized how wrong I was. For some reason the realization of my flawed thinking, and my conscious attempts to correct it have made this period of sobriety almost effortless.
Once I really felt I was a drunk and could never drink again, I had very few cravings or urges to drink. The first couple of weeks I had virtually no cravings. On days 21 & 22 I had urges both evenings, but I rode them out. Since then, I知 finding I rarely think of drinking, I致e been sleeping well, and my anadohina, fatigue and listlessness have been diminishing slowly, but steadily. Most of all, my brain fog has cleared significantly.
But I have a long way to go. I know I need to keep vigilant, and one thing I do each morning is 1) remind myself that I cannot drink with control and 2) remove (really force out) from my thinking any notions that someday I値l be able to control my drinking. Doing this each day has helped me to keep the right perspective.
I had a bit of an epiphany during my last hangover, and I finally admitted deep down to my core that I知 an alcoholic--that I simply cannot control my drinking. Intellectually I knew this, but I didn稚 feel it. For some reason, my thick skull became a little thinner, and I realized I had always felt deep down that I could regain the ability to drink with control. Well, after literally hundreds of failed attempts at controlling my drinking, followed by hundreds of brutal hangovers filled with extreme physical and emotional anguish, I realized how wrong I was. For some reason the realization of my flawed thinking, and my conscious attempts to correct it have made this period of sobriety almost effortless.
Once I really felt I was a drunk and could never drink again, I had very few cravings or urges to drink. The first couple of weeks I had virtually no cravings. On days 21 & 22 I had urges both evenings, but I rode them out. Since then, I知 finding I rarely think of drinking, I致e been sleeping well, and my anadohina, fatigue and listlessness have been diminishing slowly, but steadily. Most of all, my brain fog has cleared significantly.
But I have a long way to go. I know I need to keep vigilant, and one thing I do each morning is 1) remind myself that I cannot drink with control and 2) remove (really force out) from my thinking any notions that someday I値l be able to control my drinking. Doing this each day has helped me to keep the right perspective.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
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BTW, I would be remiss if I didn't thank everyone here at SR. Your encouragement, stories of success and even your struggles have helped me to gain new perspectives and finally commit to getting and staying sober. Frankly, this site is one of my major resources for recovery. It's a great group here, and my recovery would be much harder without this site.
, 30 days is great! Yea for you. Be proud of yourself. You deserve it.
Day 7 here Congrats!!!! =)
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Yes, acceptance at the "gut" level has been hard for me. As I said, intellectually I knew I needed to stop, but I couldn't seem to rid myself of the "if I just try harder or plan ahead better, I can drink with control" thoughts.
Surrendering to reality, dropping those thoughts and really feeling that stopping was in fact the desirable course has been a big weight lifted off my shoulders. However, that won't be enough, I have a lot of work to do in order to stay sober. But for the first time, I feel up to the challenge and the peace comes with being sober.
Surrendering to reality, dropping those thoughts and really feeling that stopping was in fact the desirable course has been a big weight lifted off my shoulders. However, that won't be enough, I have a lot of work to do in order to stay sober. But for the first time, I feel up to the challenge and the peace comes with being sober.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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Feenix - that is fabulous news. 30 days is something to be so proud of. I agree about giving up the fantasy that we can ever be in control. Once I did it I could heal. It took me decades & I suffered needlessly. Glad you see what needs to be done. 
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
It's amazing how you can free yourself with a different perspective. I understand where u say everyday u remind yourself that you can't control your drinking by trying or planning better - these fantasies are still playing on a loop in my mind - I know it's not an option but Im not quite getting it deep inside yet I don't think.
Your doing so well and it's inspiring for me to read all the success stories on here and I learn something new and helpful everyday. I don't know that I'd still be sober if I hadn't signed up here. It's a great support. Anyways - congratulations to you you should be proud!
Your doing so well and it's inspiring for me to read all the success stories on here and I learn something new and helpful everyday. I don't know that I'd still be sober if I hadn't signed up here. It's a great support. Anyways - congratulations to you
you should be proud!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I知 a binge drinker, so 30 days isn稚 something to get too excited about.
THIRTY DAYS IS AWESOME no matter the circumstance!! It calls for my Sobriety Banana Dance!
Someday I'm going to write a song to go with that hehe.
You rock Feenix!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Awesome, Feenixx, congrats! I always love your posts and appreciate how encouraging you are to everyone. Thirty days is huge and I agree that once you accept it at the gut level, things begin to change.
I remember early on being in total denial about that, even sitting in AA meetings. I would just avoid introducing myself or just give my name to not have to say that dreaded, "and I am an alcoholic" part. One night I finally decided to test it out, expecting my head to burst into flames or the walls to come crumbling down and...well, it felt right. Like, yep, I am indeed an alcoholic. Said it. Owned it. There it is.
Mind you all the other crazy crap I had done and losses I had incurred that led me to SR and AA for certain meant I was an alcoholic. But saying it, hearing myself say it, and it clicking like that?
Recovery started for real that night.
So glad you're here and congrats again. Here's to 30 more!!
I remember early on being in total denial about that, even sitting in AA meetings. I would just avoid introducing myself or just give my name to not have to say that dreaded, "and I am an alcoholic" part. One night I finally decided to test it out, expecting my head to burst into flames or the walls to come crumbling down and...well, it felt right. Like, yep, I am indeed an alcoholic. Said it. Owned it. There it is.
Mind you all the other crazy crap I had done and losses I had incurred that led me to SR and AA for certain meant I was an alcoholic. But saying it, hearing myself say it, and it clicking like that?
Recovery started for real that night.
So glad you're here and congrats again. Here's to 30 more!!
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