Admiral

I'm back again, I've been high for pretty much seven days now. Starting in the afternoon, and then on and off all the way up until bed time. I'm tired of operating at 70% all the time. I'm not as effective at work, my progress towards controlling my anger went out the window, and I'm just not as capable and alert, which is getting old.

The big hurdle is that I bought a vaporizer and don't know what to do with it. It's a really small model about the size of a pill bottle, it cost 80 dollars which is kind of a lot. In the past I've thrown out all my pipes, but this thing was so expensive, I don't really want to keep it around but that price is just hovering over my head when I think about tossing it, what a waste, what an irresponsible purchase. What was I thinking? Surely I knew this day would come, how could I have let such a short sighted and impulsive purchase slip past my reasoning? The stash is all gone, that was easy to flush, but I just can't get rid of this thing. I've been here long enough to know that people will say sobriety is more important than 80 dollars, but the guilt over it is pretty heavy and I could use some help in dealing with that.

lorelei

I don't have anything to say that can help but wanted to send a hug x

IOAA2

Admiral. Thanks for my remember when in my quitting drinking days I went and purchased a set of fine rather expensive drinking glasses. It's interesting because I'm trying to stop and going to AA and comparing hair brained things others had experienced and thought I'm not that bad! I know it varies but it showed me that brain and reasoning damage had occurred with all my drinking one day at a time. It doesn't have to happen any more if we don't pick up that first drink/drug. BE WELL

Admiral

Thanks, part of the problem is that I have some OCD stuff going on, and when I come off a binge, the symptoms can flare up and get worse for a time. One of those symptoms is the belief that inanimate objects have feelings. I can get attached to these pieces, especially if they were expensive, I feel like I'm abandoning them as if I were abandoning a child. I know it's completely irrational and bizarre, but this is the nature of OCD.

The w/d symptoms are really a walk in the park with pot, but as expected, my anxiety and obsessive thoughts are probably going to be a little worse for a few days.

foolsgold66

This may sound a little weird, but if you could somehow break it or seal it so it can't be used and write your sobriety date on it you could use it as a 'totem' of sorts to symbolize your change.

Really you should just get rid of it I think, but these are your choices, not mine, and the idea occurred to me so I thought I would share it.

Be well.

lorelei

I feel your pain, the whole anxiety, eepression, alcohol thing is completely irrational, if you know this period will pass can you keep chatting with us till it does.. x

Admiral

It's in the trash, garbage day is still 2 days away, in the past I've actually fished this kind of stuff out, so hopefully I can let it go. I have a 5 hour shift at work now, so I'll be back later.

lorelei

Good luck x

Dee74

welcome back

I've been following you for a while Admiral so I'm sorry to read you went back to the dark side.

I'm glad you reconfirmed for yourself that there's nothing there tho.

have you got a new plan?

D