The Charge of the Light-headed Brigade
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: SF CA
Posts: 1
The Charge of the Light-headed Brigade
I have not yet learned to fit myself into this new life I have created. I am lonely, and lonely in a way I have not been lonely since...I discovered drinking. I am not at the beach house with the rest of my posse, my Urban Tribe. It is not that I am not welcome anymore, no, even in my cups I am popular; I'm always funny and well-liked. And who doesn't like a party girl? Even if she's no longer a girl? The men in my gang do. Their wives and girlfriends? Not so much.
In truth, I miss the hurly-burly of the weekend at the beach. I'd be right there, wine in hand, cooking; God, I miss that most of all. How *does* one cook dinner without a drink? I'm still tryimg to learn. But then it's not as if I have anyone to cook for. I just realized I really have no sober friends. The few I called and hung out with are just boring. Who wants to be in when you can go out? Of course, now that I wake up before dawn, sweating, in a rush of fear I'm usually pretty sleepy in the evening. No more popping a Valium, going back to sleep, and waking up at noon.
I am completely useless at work ever since I sobered up. Fortunately I don't have to be at an office from 9-5. But, if I dont work I don't get paid. I have enough salted away to last awhile, but if I don't get my groove back I will be in trouble. How long does it take to shake off more than 20 years of drinking and God knows how many years of painkillers, Adderall and benzo's? The friend (OK, I have ONE sober friend) who convinced I had to stop said I would feel 1% better every day, but this estimate is off. I feel somewhat better physically, but I do not perform at the same level I did when I was self-medicated.
I started my day with this: Strong black coffee, Vicodin, Adderall, and enough Valium or Xanax to take the edge of the speed and the opiates. I has to be in this order. I stumble to the kitchen, get coffee going, dole out the pills, and then wash them down with coffee. Same thing at lunchtime -who bothers to eat? And at night switch to wine instead of coffee, and skip the Adderall. Adjust as neccessary to take the anxiety down a notch. Or two. Or six. Repeat. Who knew mixing alcohol and Vicodin was a really bad idea? I do. Now.
In truth, I miss the hurly-burly of the weekend at the beach. I'd be right there, wine in hand, cooking; God, I miss that most of all. How *does* one cook dinner without a drink? I'm still tryimg to learn. But then it's not as if I have anyone to cook for. I just realized I really have no sober friends. The few I called and hung out with are just boring. Who wants to be in when you can go out? Of course, now that I wake up before dawn, sweating, in a rush of fear I'm usually pretty sleepy in the evening. No more popping a Valium, going back to sleep, and waking up at noon.
I am completely useless at work ever since I sobered up. Fortunately I don't have to be at an office from 9-5. But, if I dont work I don't get paid. I have enough salted away to last awhile, but if I don't get my groove back I will be in trouble. How long does it take to shake off more than 20 years of drinking and God knows how many years of painkillers, Adderall and benzo's? The friend (OK, I have ONE sober friend) who convinced I had to stop said I would feel 1% better every day, but this estimate is off. I feel somewhat better physically, but I do not perform at the same level I did when I was self-medicated.
I started my day with this: Strong black coffee, Vicodin, Adderall, and enough Valium or Xanax to take the edge of the speed and the opiates. I has to be in this order. I stumble to the kitchen, get coffee going, dole out the pills, and then wash them down with coffee. Same thing at lunchtime -who bothers to eat? And at night switch to wine instead of coffee, and skip the Adderall. Adjust as neccessary to take the anxiety down a notch. Or two. Or six. Repeat. Who knew mixing alcohol and Vicodin was a really bad idea? I do. Now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Welcome to SR 
How long have you been sober for, GA?
Everyone's different but it took me a few months to sort myself out after years of drinking.
I pretty much changed my life too - my old life - friends, places, pursuits...they were all booze-sodden.
That took some months too, but I really needed a fresh slate.
You'll find a lot of support here
D
I am completely useless at work ever since I sobered up.
Everyone's different but it took me a few months to sort myself out after years of drinking.
I pretty much changed my life too - my old life - friends, places, pursuits...they were all booze-sodden.
That took some months too, but I really needed a fresh slate.
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,740
mmmm that mix got me through highschool! Seriously things were so bad at home that if I didn't just turn myself into a total Stepford Wife I couldn't possibly do anything. Then it got so ugly. Now even the thought of all those ups-downs-checks-balances scares me! How often we skirted death...
I'm glad to hear you stopped. If you're funny and well liked drunk, I bet you're the same way sober! Haha for three weeks after I stopped though, I didn't crack up laughing once. I slept a LOT. I acted like a zombie at work. (I'm still shaking that one). I thought I had turned into a really boring ****. A lot of that started coming back though, and I'm laughing and cracking jokes and still cynical and all that great stuff. You will come out of the fog! Hang in there
I'm glad to hear you stopped. If you're funny and well liked drunk, I bet you're the same way sober! Haha for three weeks after I stopped though, I didn't crack up laughing once. I slept a LOT. I acted like a zombie at work. (I'm still shaking that one). I thought I had turned into a really boring ****. A lot of that started coming back though, and I'm laughing and cracking jokes and still cynical and all that great stuff. You will come out of the fog! Hang in there
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,740
About work: fake it till you make it!
Soon you will be running on blood and oxygen and nutrients and very deep, rewarding sleep. And not on synthetics that alter your chemistry and make you sick and dependent. Your body and mind are rebuilding. Your friend is right, and every day you feel a little better in different ways, and since you are sober you notice them and it feels really good. After the initial cranky horrible first days, that is
Soon you will be running on blood and oxygen and nutrients and very deep, rewarding sleep. And not on synthetics that alter your chemistry and make you sick and dependent. Your body and mind are rebuilding. Your friend is right, and every day you feel a little better in different ways, and since you are sober you notice them and it feels really good. After the initial cranky horrible first days, that is
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by GrievousAngel 
... The friend (OK, I have ONE sober friend) who convinced I had to stop said I would feel 1% better every day, but this estimate is off. I feel somewhat better physically, but I do not perform at the same level I did when I was self-medicated.
Most of us here at SR are using some type of program of recovery to make sure that cross never gets too heavy to bare the weight - alone.
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