Eleni58

Posting on SR is a great way to journal the ups and downs of your recovery!

longbeachone

I think Bruce and Junkyjules are on to something. It's too late for me to do this (and I don't ever plan on relapsing...going on 5 years now). I hated having to be reminded in any way, shape or form of the grubby, shameful, insane things I did to myself and my family in the late stages of my alcoholism. Like Caroline Knapp said, just get over the hangover and shove the whole sordid mess or relapse into history. No reminders of the wreckage for me!

Can you imagine putting together a "scrapbook" of your alcoholic history, warts and all? Photos of you from the morning after a bender, snaps of your smashed up car, copies of tickets, DUI's, police reports, disciplinary write-ups from work, journal entries about waking up in strange places, letters from loved ones pleading with you to get help, medical records...the list goes on and on. I think that towards the end, when I was literally on my knees daily begging for either help or death, I would have done this, had I thought of it.
Would it have stopped me from taking that first sip? I think it might have. Excruciatingly painful and HUMILIATING, but probably effective.

Plenny

Oh yes, I have to say that having my embarrassing moments put in front of me might cause me to fully relapse, actually. Sounds like just the thing I'd rebel against. I am really one shady lady when it comes to quitting anything. I actually have to play a lot of mind games with myself because I just hate rules, and if some method is 'supposed' to work, well I just can't have that. I'm an annoying born nonconformist to the extreme. I actually keep all the booze in my house. Because if I got rid of it (history tells me) I would crave it and go get it.
When I quit smoking I walked around with a full, open pack on me. So very weird. But I quit those babies 1 1/2 years ago. Yes I got rid of the pack. And I'll get rid of the bottles. But for now I can't change things too quickly lest I notice and rebel.
Not to say I don't journal or leave a paper trail. I just think of my journal as a second brain and I lock up all the horrible things in it. Oubliette
I like referring back to threads here, though... So far. I fear my past threads and promises being put in front of me lest I really lose it.
I suppose it is meant to be constructive to those who need to be reminded what they set out to do in the first place. It just must be so painful

Plenny

In reference to my really strange methods, all of my slips have been outside my house. I have these dusty whiskey bottles that sit on a shelf. My husband doesn't even drink much at home. If he does get into the whiskey he takes it to the den.

lillyknitting

Thanks for posting this, it brought it all back to me reading it, the horrors of it all. The terrible rows with my husband, sleeping on the sofa, waking up, no, regaining consciousness, feeling terrible. The shakes, even from within, terrible remorse, paranoia, feelings of dread, shame, wanting to die. Head pounding so hard, back of eyes hurting so bad I felt like I'd been run over. Heart pounding in chest so hard feeling I'm going to have a heart attack. Memories flooding back, that I want to forget so bad, please God tell me this didn't happen and that it's a nightmare!!

Why do we do this to ourselves time and time again? I was told that chronic meant doing the same thing over & over again expecting a different result (insanity).

The insanity of the chronic alcoholic.

Cure: don't drink.

Nuudawn

Hey Plenny : ) So sorry to hear of the stumble. I will echo the idea of a "sobriety journal". I have one on my computer and I also keep a little notebook in my purse for when I need to jot stuff down or "vent" bout something when I am not near my computer. I started my 3rd little purse journal just today. I will also support the idea of posting here before the slip. I try to stay conscious of when I may be in danger of losing my "moorings" with sobriety. Do you know what I mean? It's like I feel like I'm slipping away from the shores of sobriety so to speak sometimes..and that's when I know I need to get in touch with something more spiritual within me. I usually try to read something "spiritual" or recovery based in those times. I hope that isn't confusing. I just know I have to stay "connected" with my sobriety...when I start to drift... or I'm in danger.

Glad to see you're back and posting and looking for support and input : )

duane1

Even at 15 months I often feel like I shouldn't offer up any advice around here because I am always one bad decision away from starting over again. We all are. We can't change that bad decision, but we can still decide where we go from this point forward. We can also go forward with the wisdom that our bad decision gave us.

Plenny

Thanks all I've pulled an impressive shift on SR today, staying plugged in to keep relapse at bay. Can't even describe how helpful it's been !
I am going to get reacquainted with my sober journal. And I'll stay in touch when I feel in danger, I know exactly what you mean, Nuudawn, "Storm's a brewin' "
I'm gonna lurk around a bit and head to sleep, to dream of a better day tomorrow
Xo

sherman23

Hey Plenny, you mentioned you were feeling confident, and wondering how anybody would want to drink again, and then........fell off! I have not been sober long, but I get that kind of thought of how great this is, and wow! drinking was so bad, and blah, blah....I always take a biiiiig step back from this thinking, because in my experience, as soon as I get full of myself, my sobriety or whatever it is....(I hope you get the meaning when I say full of myself, not like conceit), that's when the crap hits the fan....! Your experience has helped me realize that inner voice telling me to take it slow, and don't take sobriety for granted is dead on. I'm sorry you took a step back, but thanks for the lesson.