Update on me...

Old 08-30-2013, 05:22 PM
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Update on me...

I'm new here, but let me first say that I find so much 'therapy' in reading others trials and knowledge. It is very comforting and informative. I've only tipped the edge of the good stuff here.

I'm on day three of my medically assisted taper down to quitting. Night 1 was great. I actually came in under quota. However, I made up that difference last night. It was only two beers, but it was still two beers two many. I really, really disappointed my wife and it hurt me. So I put myself on notice for tonight and going forward. I've got to be honest with everyone but most importantly, myself. Otherwise, it's a waste of time.

I'm planning on attending an AA meeting tomorrow at 10 am. I've been to one AA meeting way in the past but I'm starting to wonder if it will be my choice. I hate driving to work, I hate driving to the store... so I will have to explore all methods, but I'm not ruling anything out yet.

Here's what I know about the taper method so far. The inevitable is looming. Last two nights were okay and I'm sure tonight will be fine, but very soon there will come a day when it's hardly any. I'm scared to death of withdrawal symptoms, but there's a part of me that just wants to rip the band-aid off. Maybe I'm just weird. I'm hoping the Dr. will step in at that point with meds. We will see.

Until then, please, please and more please, keep posting your positive results online. I read one post today that all but made me cry. It was so telling of exactly how I was. But she explained how much better life was and that's what I need. Positive reinforcement. I need that $600/mo back in my account, but most of all... I need to be proud of myself. I've been under a rock for too long.

Thank you all for your posts and your support. "The road is long, with many a winding turn..."
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Old 08-30-2013, 05:35 PM
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I'm glad you're doing well. I found tapering impossible and never managed to succeed. Also, it's my opinion that it draws out the withdrawal symptoms. I hope it works for you. And, it's normal to be scared about not drinking at all. I think probably all of us here were very scared as to how we would manage. Know that you will get through it and you will feel good.
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Old 08-30-2013, 05:52 PM
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Hi Dogman, I'm rooting for you. Keep going!
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Old 08-30-2013, 06:03 PM
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Thanks for letting us know DogMan. I found talking about it here to be so helpful. I didn't have anyone else in my life who truly understood what I was going through. I know it's scary to be letting go of it - but once it's over you never have to go back there. You can rebuild everything and have a wonderful, free life.
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Old 08-30-2013, 07:53 PM
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Welcome! For most of us our drinking was a problem that was years in the making. Don't expect the fix to be instant. But the good news is that stuff starts getting better almost immediately.
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Old 08-30-2013, 08:59 PM
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I was really scared when I decided to truly make a go at quitting alcohol. I told myself I would give it all I got and if sobriety was unbearable after a year I could always go back. I immersed myself in AA--being around others in recovery, read a lot of self help books and AA material and read and post on here--I still continue to do all those things. I have 9.5 months and my life is SO much better than when I was drinking. I don't ever want to go back. So I work real hard to keep what I've got. Just know that what you are feeling is totally normal, was for me anyway. If I could give you just a bit of the peace I have started to already feel inside I know you would have less fear. I had to trust those who were telling me it was worth it. Trust us
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Old 08-31-2013, 01:20 AM
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I hope this tapering method works for you. There's nothing so freeing as to be free of alcohol.
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Old 08-31-2013, 01:47 PM
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Last Night

I hit my marks last night and went to bed about 9. Slept solid for 4 hours and woke up in a cold sweat. Back to sleep for a few hours and around 3, my brain kicked in. So many thoughts, I couldn't shut it down. I just laid there in a relaxed state, until this morning.

It was much milder than last time, but it's here. Cutting another off tonight will probably increase those effects a little.

I went to the AA meeting today. It was nice being around others that are in the know. At first, when I got there - no one was there. Meeting started at 10 and at 9:54 the lot was empty. I thought to myself, "wow, a new low... go to an AA meeting and no one shows up." LOL They did finally show up and it was okay.

I still don't know if this is the method I want to try or not. I'm open to all ideas, but at least I know I have that. I'm not without support. That feels good.

Normally by this time of day, I'd be passed out. Not today. That's progress, right? No cravings so far. So I think aside from the withdrawals last night, it's been a good day.

Thank you all for your continued support.
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Old 08-31-2013, 03:32 PM
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Keep at it Dogman. You can do it.
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Old 09-01-2013, 02:43 AM
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I'm glad that you do it with medical assistance. I've had help from doctors as well and it makes it so much easier in many ways. It's much safer and it doesn't feel like you have to go through it all alone. There's a professional keeping an eye on things. And believe me, if there's one thing doctors have experience with, it's alcoholism.

Regarding your fear of the withdrawals, I think that many people on here recognize that fear. You're probably far more scared than you should be.

The feeling sick part of withdrawal doesn't even last that long for most people. The experiences you describe are very common and they will go away pretty soon. The first reward I noticed was sleeping well again. Sleeping sober feels incredible.

Good luck to you! I know you'll get through this.
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Old 09-01-2013, 04:41 AM
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Keep on going, nothing beats sobriety but it can be tough for a while
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Old 09-01-2013, 05:22 AM
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The point of the tapering is to minimise the withdrawals Dogman and to help minimise the risk of any serious withdrawal symptoms. Night sweats aren't pleasant but they are a fairly minor side effect and I am not sure if they are avoidable. I am sure your doctor will see you right It doesn't matter if AA is your chosen method either but I am sure you'll learn stuff while you're there and the support will help. Glad you're here x
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Old 09-01-2013, 03:10 PM
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Conquering fear...

Last night was another in the step down. After having some symptoms the night prior, I let my fear get the best of me. I was doubting everything. Not quite a panic, but a definite worry. So I prayed about it.

Shortly after that, a close friend called. He has one of our dishes that he wanted to return. He'd just had back surgery and we made him a dessert a few weeks ago. So I took the opportunity to begin making amends for my past. I confessed that I was an alcoholic and am currently being treated. He was relieved. He said that he's been trying to figure out a way for me to meet his other friend, so he could "counsel" me. (AA grad).

We both agreed that his phone call last night was the divine at work. I get to meet his friend tomorrow afternoon.

I decided to keep to my agreement, I went to bed and I'm happy to report that last night was the first night in many years that I had a full night of sleep. No sweats, no crazy thoughts... no snoring!!

Saying all that to say this; I can't give in to fear. No more. I must stay strong and keep my faith and know that all will be well in the end.

Again, thank you all for listening to me, encouraging me and supporting me.
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Old 09-01-2013, 03:14 PM
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Yay to a full nights sleep!! I think my first full night was after a month sober lol I can't believe people weren't at the AA meeting until right before it started! Well I believe you but the ones I go to aren't like that. I chair one night a week and get there at 5:30 - I want to be there if newcomers come in early. Anyway, I think it's awesome you are looking into all option and taking to people about what's going on with you. I am rooting for you!
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Old 09-01-2013, 03:15 PM
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5:30 is a half hour early...sorry that seemed confusing lol
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