AlefVavResh

Kza - I'm going to assume that what have been sounding like snarky comebacks are really a reflection of how angry you are with yourself. Maybe even self-loathing. "I avoid people." "I don't have dreams." The elderly, neighbors, and dogs also seem to push your buttons.

If you can't love yourself, you will find reasons to drink.

EndGameNYC

It's been my experience that we're not very good at figuring out what will make us happy in life while we're drinking. This leads to predictable results. If happiness is based on "getting more" out of life (money, success, status, sex), it's unlikely we'll ever be satisfied. If, instead, this means achieving peace of mind and living comfortably in our own skin, then we've got something that can never be taken away.

Most people struggle with the reality that they've not achieved some or most of their important goals in life at or around middle age (whatever that is). This kind of self reflection often provokes late-life depression, an often traumatic and prolonged process.

The only thing worse than this is never having tried.

Dee74

I thank all the folks here who've taken time out to post to you Kza.
Might be nice if you did the same.

I think volunteering is a great suggestion but I'm not sure you're in the right mindset to help others right now Kza....so OK, why not help yourself?

Hypo is right on - spend every minute you have free working on your recovery, going to meetings, counselling, rehab, whatever it takes.

If you really want to stop drinking this is a perfect opportunity to put in the grunt, sweat and effort behind that desire and to make it happen.

That's my suggestion.

You up for that?

D