New member wanting help and advice on effective treatment solution
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Yorkshire, England
Posts: 91
New member wanting help and advice on effective treatment solution
I am new to this forum and am looking for help and support with my drinking behaviour and am looking for a way to curb it.
I am a 54-year old research scientist with a university education. I am single. My parents died when I was in my early twenties. I have no siblings or cousins. I live alone.
I have attended AA meetings where I have heard people describe their first drinking experience of being ‘lit up like a Christmas tree.’ I too have one of those brains that responds to alcohol in this way. It is the way I am wired. I have come to recognise that all of my life I have pursued thrill seeking behaviour. I have a history of binge eating and exercise addiction too.
I do not drink a tremendous amount, 4 to eight units per day. I do not get up and want a drink or want one when I am work, going to the gym, out shopping or at a social event, drink is the farthest thing from my mind. It is when I get in in the evening that I want to drink. I do not drink to give me confidence, to drown my sorrows, to fill any loneliness, because I am depressed, or to cope with life. I drink because I find evenings so boring. I like being on the go all of the time. I cannot just ‘relax’, ‘chill out’, ‘pamper’ myself, ‘read a book’. I cannot concentrate on these activities. I suspect when I was young I probably had ADHD as well. I stopped drinking for 14 years when I was 30 because I was ‘frightened’ that alcohol would damage my heart and kill me. My mother died from heart disease. However, after having a drink ‘forced’ on me by a friend at a party 8 years ago, I realised it wasn’t going to give me a heart attack. I have been hooked on alcohol ever since, which is now for eight years.
A friend who has anorexia and exercise addiction, who I confide in, asked me how I would feel if I didn’t drink in the evening? What she was getting at is that if she doesn’t engage in her 'addiction', she feels suicidal. If I can manage to get through the evening and go to bed without a drink, I am OK.
Another friend, who drinks more than I do and who is my age, has recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure. Her GP told her to stop drinking, and she did. If that was me, I would be looking at ways (herbal medicines, etc.) to lower my BP so that I could continue to drink. I know that my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy and different from people who do not have ‘Christmas tree’ brains.
I have tried counselling. The counsellor could not understand that a) no, I do not have anyone to talk to about this when I need a drink to help me stop; b) I do not engage in relaxing, pampering activities – boring. She suggested I give myself ‘butterfly hugs’ when I want a drink. She then suggested I go to AA. Don’t think she knew what to do with me.
I went to AA. The first meeting for me was awesome. To hear that I was not alone with my problem and that others felt as ‘wired’ as I do. The first meeting was powerful enough to turn off the Christmas tree. I would have continued to go to meetings. I loved them. However, I am a scientist and could not get on with the ‘spiritual’ nature of the fellowship. The finding a sponsor, going through the 12-step programme, becoming drawn into the fellowship, these were all things I felt extremely uncomfortable with. I went to meetings for three months and then was abstinent for a further three months on my own. Until six months ago when I had a drink….
My friend agrees that my problem is that my brain likes the ‘hit’ from alcohol and the pleasant feelings I get form it. Interesting, alcohol does nothing for her (oh, how I wish I could have a brain like hers without the Christmas tree). She also agrees that I do need help, but doesn’t know what to suggest. At least she doesn’t say what other people have said – can’t you have a cup of tea, how about going for a walk, can’t you read a book?
If he amount I drink did not make me feel so tired all of the time, and wasn’t a risk to my organs, I would probably still continue to do it, I don’t know what therapy to try next. I think my brain is stuck like this. I just want something to turn the Christmas tree lights ‘off’.
Any suggestions?
I am a 54-year old research scientist with a university education. I am single. My parents died when I was in my early twenties. I have no siblings or cousins. I live alone.
I have attended AA meetings where I have heard people describe their first drinking experience of being ‘lit up like a Christmas tree.’ I too have one of those brains that responds to alcohol in this way. It is the way I am wired. I have come to recognise that all of my life I have pursued thrill seeking behaviour. I have a history of binge eating and exercise addiction too.
I do not drink a tremendous amount, 4 to eight units per day. I do not get up and want a drink or want one when I am work, going to the gym, out shopping or at a social event, drink is the farthest thing from my mind. It is when I get in in the evening that I want to drink. I do not drink to give me confidence, to drown my sorrows, to fill any loneliness, because I am depressed, or to cope with life. I drink because I find evenings so boring. I like being on the go all of the time. I cannot just ‘relax’, ‘chill out’, ‘pamper’ myself, ‘read a book’. I cannot concentrate on these activities. I suspect when I was young I probably had ADHD as well. I stopped drinking for 14 years when I was 30 because I was ‘frightened’ that alcohol would damage my heart and kill me. My mother died from heart disease. However, after having a drink ‘forced’ on me by a friend at a party 8 years ago, I realised it wasn’t going to give me a heart attack. I have been hooked on alcohol ever since, which is now for eight years.
A friend who has anorexia and exercise addiction, who I confide in, asked me how I would feel if I didn’t drink in the evening? What she was getting at is that if she doesn’t engage in her 'addiction', she feels suicidal. If I can manage to get through the evening and go to bed without a drink, I am OK.
Another friend, who drinks more than I do and who is my age, has recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure. Her GP told her to stop drinking, and she did. If that was me, I would be looking at ways (herbal medicines, etc.) to lower my BP so that I could continue to drink. I know that my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy and different from people who do not have ‘Christmas tree’ brains.
I have tried counselling. The counsellor could not understand that a) no, I do not have anyone to talk to about this when I need a drink to help me stop; b) I do not engage in relaxing, pampering activities – boring. She suggested I give myself ‘butterfly hugs’ when I want a drink. She then suggested I go to AA. Don’t think she knew what to do with me.
I went to AA. The first meeting for me was awesome. To hear that I was not alone with my problem and that others felt as ‘wired’ as I do. The first meeting was powerful enough to turn off the Christmas tree. I would have continued to go to meetings. I loved them. However, I am a scientist and could not get on with the ‘spiritual’ nature of the fellowship. The finding a sponsor, going through the 12-step programme, becoming drawn into the fellowship, these were all things I felt extremely uncomfortable with. I went to meetings for three months and then was abstinent for a further three months on my own. Until six months ago when I had a drink….
My friend agrees that my problem is that my brain likes the ‘hit’ from alcohol and the pleasant feelings I get form it. Interesting, alcohol does nothing for her (oh, how I wish I could have a brain like hers without the Christmas tree). She also agrees that I do need help, but doesn’t know what to suggest. At least she doesn’t say what other people have said – can’t you have a cup of tea, how about going for a walk, can’t you read a book?
If he amount I drink did not make me feel so tired all of the time, and wasn’t a risk to my organs, I would probably still continue to do it, I don’t know what therapy to try next. I think my brain is stuck like this. I just want something to turn the Christmas tree lights ‘off’.
Any suggestions?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Welcome to SR. Have you looked in our secular connections forum?
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I quit drinking using Rational Recovery/AVRT. It's a technique or method of sorts, not a program. A lot of great information there.
I found these two threads particularly helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-5-a.html
Here is a partial list of some other methods or programs people have used:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I quit drinking using Rational Recovery/AVRT. It's a technique or method of sorts, not a program. A lot of great information there.
I found these two threads particularly helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-5-a.html
Here is a partial list of some other methods or programs people have used:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
if you tried the experiment of AA and it worked logic would dictate that something about it makes it successful. Maybe the missing variable in the equation is spirituality. As a scientist you should know that experiments are based actual outcome not desired outcomes
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Being an alcoholic has little to do with the amount consumed. it's what it does to us. If we have to control it, it's out of control. Try to remember AA is a fellowship (A group of people that shares the same interest or aim.) of men and women helping each other. It is NOT a religious organization so for myself call I my Higher Power Mother Nature, it's all personal. In fact from the preamble : A.A. is not allied with
any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does
not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor
opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and
help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. And as a result has a track record second to none.
BE WELL
any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does
not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor
opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and
help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. And as a result has a track record second to none.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
I too have thought of myself as 'borderline' in the past. Compared to some of the stories I have heard at AA I'm lightweight!
..but only in volume. I am as hooked -or have been - as any two bottle of scotch alcie a day is. Dependency, the attraction of being 'lit up' in the way you describe. These are aspects of an addiction to alcohol. Why not try AA again? I'm going these days despite being an atheist and a sceptic about some of their model. Being with people who know what it is like is a great help and transcends the other stuff in my view.
I'm new at this so please don't take this as a voice of experience - just someone who seems to have travelled the same arc as you.
..but only in volume. I am as hooked -or have been - as any two bottle of scotch alcie a day is. Dependency, the attraction of being 'lit up' in the way you describe. These are aspects of an addiction to alcohol. Why not try AA again? I'm going these days despite being an atheist and a sceptic about some of their model. Being with people who know what it is like is a great help and transcends the other stuff in my view.
I'm new at this so please don't take this as a voice of experience - just someone who seems to have travelled the same arc as you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Badga 
I would have continued to go to meetings. I loved them. However, I am a scientist and could not get on with the ‘spiritual’ nature of the fellowship. The finding a sponsor, going through the 12-step programme, becoming drawn into the fellowship, these were all things I felt extremely uncomfortable with.
Any suggestions?
regarding AA and the Program
I can understand you being uncomfortable
but
I guess the questions for one may be
if it all keeps me far away from the drink
maybe I still should pursue it ??
I can understand you being uncomfortable
but
I guess the questions for one may be
if it all keeps me far away from the drink
maybe I still should pursue it ??
has Liquor ceased to be a luxury; and became a necessity ??
if so
there may only be a few ways of escape ??
AA has been proven to be one for many who are willing
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
I do not think there is a right way to do this – there are different ways for different people.
I do like the “urge surfing” method that is described here, it is in reality some rewritten Buddhist ideas as far as I understand it.
But there can of course be some underlying problems that need to be addressed also.
Welcome to SR.
I do like the “urge surfing” method that is described here, it is in reality some rewritten Buddhist ideas as far as I understand it.
But there can of course be some underlying problems that need to be addressed also.
Welcome to SR.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
some people I know who are similar to you believe that a power greater than them is everything they don't understand
or just that the steps work
You are intelligent enough to believe that something can help you; it's a power greater than you and only you can define what that power is
of not.
those steps saved my life. it's an experience, not an intellectual exercise, which brings you back to your situation....
have you looked into SMART, Rational Recovery, or AVRT?
or just that the steps work
You are intelligent enough to believe that something can help you; it's a power greater than you and only you can define what that power is
of not.
those steps saved my life. it's an experience, not an intellectual exercise, which brings you back to your situation....
have you looked into SMART, Rational Recovery, or AVRT?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
I too drank to "take the edge off", I think many of us do. I remember when I first stopped drinking, my days seemed like they were longer than 24 hours....I just didn't know what to do with myself. I spent a lot of time walking, running errands etc. This summer I began taking yoga...it's been a good inner self discipline to work on calming myself down through breathing and poses. BTW, I', 55.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I went to AA too but I lacked your education and analytical mind.
I had no idea about the God bit or the spiritual aspect. I was pretty certain it would not work anyway.
I was probably quite gullible and I stupidly followed the suggestions about the steps and sponsors and stuff without argument. I was 22 then, I'm 56 now and have not needed to drink in all that time, by the grace of the God of my understanding, no matter what.
I am living proof that stupidity is not a barrier to sobriety. But pride can be.
I had no idea about the God bit or the spiritual aspect. I was pretty certain it would not work anyway.
I was probably quite gullible and I stupidly followed the suggestions about the steps and sponsors and stuff without argument. I was 22 then, I'm 56 now and have not needed to drink in all that time, by the grace of the God of my understanding, no matter what.
I am living proof that stupidity is not a barrier to sobriety. But pride can be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
Hi,
I don't like AA either, for a lot of reasons. I use Women for Sobriety online. Aa doesn't work better than those other methods. I actually found Rational Recovery's philosophy to be the one that got me sober. I am thinking you are a woman? WFS is secular, and very positive and affirming.
I also have a Christmas tree brain, and have substituted art for drinking. It lights my brain up in a similar, but healthy way. As a scientist, perhaps something else more left brain would help you alleviate the evening boredom, but I 100% believe that to stay sober, we need to find another passion. Take classes, explore with your free, sober time! You are smart, you know you need to quit. Now you just need to figure out what to do instead.
Best,
Nancy
I don't like AA either, for a lot of reasons. I use Women for Sobriety online. Aa doesn't work better than those other methods. I actually found Rational Recovery's philosophy to be the one that got me sober. I am thinking you are a woman? WFS is secular, and very positive and affirming.
I also have a Christmas tree brain, and have substituted art for drinking. It lights my brain up in a similar, but healthy way. As a scientist, perhaps something else more left brain would help you alleviate the evening boredom, but I 100% believe that to stay sober, we need to find another passion. Take classes, explore with your free, sober time! You are smart, you know you need to quit. Now you just need to figure out what to do instead.
Best,
Nancy
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
I think the most helpful thing at this point would be to read the AA book. Going to meetings shows me what people say, how they look, a certain degree of how they act, and every meeting is different in some small way. Reading the book tells me why it's done and what the results are, as well as exactly how it's done. And the book, atleast the part that is important to living the AA way, the first 164 pages, has never changed since first printing.
Of course AA has no monopoly on abstinence from alcohol, nor does it have a monopoly on recovery from alcoholism. The one thing AA has done is proven it is the last house on the block. All are welcome, and even the worst of the worst of cases has shown the AA program works. It was stated in the 30's and can be found in the BB that for those that reach the bottom rung of the ladder with alcoholism, the only solution that has proven itself to be reliable is one from a spiritual standpoint.
From a 21 year old who suffers the same disease, I wish you the best.
Of course AA has no monopoly on abstinence from alcohol, nor does it have a monopoly on recovery from alcoholism. The one thing AA has done is proven it is the last house on the block. All are welcome, and even the worst of the worst of cases has shown the AA program works. It was stated in the 30's and can be found in the BB that for those that reach the bottom rung of the ladder with alcoholism, the only solution that has proven itself to be reliable is one from a spiritual standpoint.
From a 21 year old who suffers the same disease, I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Very good Steven. Unfortunately there is much posted on these forums by people ignorant of the truth, dishonest with themselves, scared and on and on. For me spiritual is a part of me and today it's a cozy warm place. I 've been sober 30+ years and haven't been in a church except for weddings or funerals for longer. I think some peoples imaginations think that all attendees are people they wouldn't want to meet on a sunny street. In reality they are our mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, close friends, retired folks and other family members. Yes there are a few from the shooting galleries but once they get sober they also are great people.
Yes there are other ways to get sober, the problem is staying sober with all of them as we have a built in forgetter and need what AA offers on a regular basis to remember what got us there and stay stopped. BE WELL.
Yes there are other ways to get sober, the problem is staying sober with all of them as we have a built in forgetter and need what AA offers on a regular basis to remember what got us there and stay stopped. BE WELL.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Debary, Florida
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Badga
I am new to this forum and am looking for help and support with my drinking behaviour and am looking for a way to curb it.
I am a 54-year old research scientist with a university education. I am single. My parents died when I was in my early twenties. I have no siblings or cousins. I live alone.
I have attended AA meetings where I have heard people describe their first drinking experience of being ‘lit up like a Christmas tree.’ I too have one of those brains that responds to alcohol in this way. It is the way I am wired. I have come to recognise that all of my life I have pursued thrill seeking behaviour. I have a history of binge eating and exercise addiction too.
I do not drink a tremendous amount, 4 to eight units per day. I do not get up and want a drink or want one when I am work, going to the gym, out shopping or at a social event, drink is the farthest thing from my mind. It is when I get in in the evening that I want to drink. I do not drink to give me confidence, to drown my sorrows, to fill any loneliness, because I am depressed, or to cope with life. I drink because I find evenings so boring. I like being on the go all of the time. I cannot just ‘relax’, ‘chill out’, ‘pamper’ myself, ‘read a book’. I cannot concentrate on these activities. I suspect when I was young I probably had ADHD as well. I stopped drinking for 14 years when I was 30 because I was ‘frightened’ that alcohol would damage my heart and kill me. My mother died from heart disease. However, after having a drink ‘forced’ on me by a friend at a party 8 years ago, I realised it wasn’t going to give me a heart attack. I have been hooked on alcohol ever since, which is now for eight years.
A friend who has anorexia and exercise addiction, who I confide in, asked me how I would feel if I didn’t drink in the evening? What she was getting at is that if she doesn’t engage in her 'addiction', she feels suicidal. If I can manage to get through the evening and go to bed without a drink, I am OK.
Another friend, who drinks more than I do and who is my age, has recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure. Her GP told her to stop drinking, and she did. If that was me, I would be looking at ways (herbal medicines, etc.) to lower my BP so that I could continue to drink. I know that my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy and different from people who do not have ‘Christmas tree’ brains.
I have tried counselling. The counsellor could not understand that a) no, I do not have anyone to talk to about this when I need a drink to help me stop; b) I do not engage in relaxing, pampering activities – boring. She suggested I give myself ‘butterfly hugs’ when I want a drink. She then suggested I go to AA. Don’t think she knew what to do with me.
I went to AA. The first meeting for me was awesome. To hear that I was not alone with my problem and that others felt as ‘wired’ as I do. The first meeting was powerful enough to turn off the Christmas tree. I would have continued to go to meetings. I loved them. However, I am a scientist and could not get on with the ‘spiritual’ nature of the fellowship. The finding a sponsor, going through the 12-step programme, becoming drawn into the fellowship, these were all things I felt extremely uncomfortable with. I went to meetings for three months and then was abstinent for a further three months on my own. Until six months ago when I had a drink….
My friend agrees that my problem is that my brain likes the ‘hit’ from alcohol and the pleasant feelings I get form it. Interesting, alcohol does nothing for her (oh, how I wish I could have a brain like hers without the Christmas tree). She also agrees that I do need help, but doesn’t know what to suggest. At least she doesn’t say what other people have said – can’t you have a cup of tea, how about going for a walk, can’t you read a book?
If he amount I drink did not make me feel so tired all of the time, and wasn’t a risk to my organs, I would probably still continue to do it, I don’t know what therapy to try next. I think my brain is stuck like this. I just want something to turn the Christmas tree lights ‘off’.
Any suggestions?
I am a 54-year old research scientist with a university education. I am single. My parents died when I was in my early twenties. I have no siblings or cousins. I live alone.
I have attended AA meetings where I have heard people describe their first drinking experience of being ‘lit up like a Christmas tree.’ I too have one of those brains that responds to alcohol in this way. It is the way I am wired. I have come to recognise that all of my life I have pursued thrill seeking behaviour. I have a history of binge eating and exercise addiction too.
I do not drink a tremendous amount, 4 to eight units per day. I do not get up and want a drink or want one when I am work, going to the gym, out shopping or at a social event, drink is the farthest thing from my mind. It is when I get in in the evening that I want to drink. I do not drink to give me confidence, to drown my sorrows, to fill any loneliness, because I am depressed, or to cope with life. I drink because I find evenings so boring. I like being on the go all of the time. I cannot just ‘relax’, ‘chill out’, ‘pamper’ myself, ‘read a book’. I cannot concentrate on these activities. I suspect when I was young I probably had ADHD as well. I stopped drinking for 14 years when I was 30 because I was ‘frightened’ that alcohol would damage my heart and kill me. My mother died from heart disease. However, after having a drink ‘forced’ on me by a friend at a party 8 years ago, I realised it wasn’t going to give me a heart attack. I have been hooked on alcohol ever since, which is now for eight years.
A friend who has anorexia and exercise addiction, who I confide in, asked me how I would feel if I didn’t drink in the evening? What she was getting at is that if she doesn’t engage in her 'addiction', she feels suicidal. If I can manage to get through the evening and go to bed without a drink, I am OK.
Another friend, who drinks more than I do and who is my age, has recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure. Her GP told her to stop drinking, and she did. If that was me, I would be looking at ways (herbal medicines, etc.) to lower my BP so that I could continue to drink. I know that my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy and different from people who do not have ‘Christmas tree’ brains.
I have tried counselling. The counsellor could not understand that a) no, I do not have anyone to talk to about this when I need a drink to help me stop; b) I do not engage in relaxing, pampering activities – boring. She suggested I give myself ‘butterfly hugs’ when I want a drink. She then suggested I go to AA. Don’t think she knew what to do with me.
I went to AA. The first meeting for me was awesome. To hear that I was not alone with my problem and that others felt as ‘wired’ as I do. The first meeting was powerful enough to turn off the Christmas tree. I would have continued to go to meetings. I loved them. However, I am a scientist and could not get on with the ‘spiritual’ nature of the fellowship. The finding a sponsor, going through the 12-step programme, becoming drawn into the fellowship, these were all things I felt extremely uncomfortable with. I went to meetings for three months and then was abstinent for a further three months on my own. Until six months ago when I had a drink….
My friend agrees that my problem is that my brain likes the ‘hit’ from alcohol and the pleasant feelings I get form it. Interesting, alcohol does nothing for her (oh, how I wish I could have a brain like hers without the Christmas tree). She also agrees that I do need help, but doesn’t know what to suggest. At least she doesn’t say what other people have said – can’t you have a cup of tea, how about going for a walk, can’t you read a book?
If he amount I drink did not make me feel so tired all of the time, and wasn’t a risk to my organs, I would probably still continue to do it, I don’t know what therapy to try next. I think my brain is stuck like this. I just want something to turn the Christmas tree lights ‘off’.
Any suggestions?
I am not sure how much help i can be, but i myself am the type of person who must always be doing something. I try everything. Things i can do at home to keep the evenings full. Anything from learning something online to woodwork. I just go and search for anything and everything that can occupy my time. Maybe write up a list of things you have always wanted to learn and start trying them out. Little things like painting, woodwork, building something, heck even sewing. Best of luck to you and you have come to a wonderful place to find ideas to help you along.
Sending hope and prayers your way
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Badga and welcome to the board.
Before I begin, I am a firm believer that you have to find what works for you. I am in full support of anyone who finds a non AA program who achieves sobriety. I've tried AA (previously), non traditional programs, counseling, moderation, you name it. Nothing worked. Or so it seemed. I've tried to get sober short term, making it from what I call "Remorseful Sunday" all the way to "Time to drink again, who cares, Friday" countless times. Then, this is my 4th long term attempt, having made it to 60 days previously.
Emphasis is consistently placed on the amounts that we drink and when we drink. If someone drinks one drop of alcohol out of a glass one day a week and finds that they can't go without it that's still a problem. If you're on this board questioning if you have a problem there's a reason for that too.
We've all tried to turn the Christmas Tree lights off. We've used different bulbs, tried alternating them, tried rewiring the string, and tried limiting the number of bulbs that we use and finally, we all came to one conclusion. The only way to turn them off is to pull the plug. Plain and simple.
I, like IOAA2 rarely go to church. Pretty much only weddings and funerals. I'm not a religious person but I do believe in spirituality. When you decided to become a research scientist what moved you to do that? Some thought process in your brain led you down that path, it's what interested you. It's what "moved you". It's something within you that led you in that direction. You, and you alone. To me, that's spirituality. The same thing that led me to be where I am today and doing what I do. Just a concept to throw out there. We hear of AA and the immediate vision is of all these people praying on their knees to an almighty God that they all are unified in believing in. Quite the opposite and the reason the words God "As we understood him" exist. Working the program assists you in finding what your understanding is.
You say that you've been to a counselor. I've been to 4. After a while I got sick of hearing "and how did that make you feel?". All that we did was discuss what people did to me and why what they did to me made me feel the way that I did. This was to be touted as the underlying cause of my actions in life. What other people did to me. Keep reading
This current time in sobriety I now have 96 days. The longest I have gone previously was 60 days. I'm still going strong. I have tried AA before. Sure I did, I went and sat at meetings and left griping that I was sick of hearing people complain about how they couldn't drink. Because, that's ALL that I heard. I had a Big Book and never opened it. Within a month I was drinking again.
This time through I knew that something had to give. I had exhausted all avenues (or so I thought) and if I continued I was going to end up in the sewer. So I decided that this time I needed to give it every single ounce of will that I had and to find something that was going to help me do that. I called a friend who has been sober for 8 years. Knowing her as I do, she and I were pretty level in the problems that alcohol had wrought in our lives. My concept was that if she could do it then I had to be able to do it. Come to find out that she did it by working the program and doing the 12 steps properly. It took me a bit to ask but she became my sponsor and that's exactly what I'm doing.
All that I have to say to you is that if you believe that AA is just a program to get sober that's one of the most inaccurate statements that I have ever heard. I'm just at the beginning of step 4 which is the writing and already I can't begin to fully describe the peace that I have in my life now. The counselors that I sat with to discuss all those bad things that people had done to me neglected to do one thing. To look at me. The reason that I was the person that I was was not the bad things that people did to me, it was my inability to focus on how I perceived those actions and how I let them affect me. Sum total, I can't change other people. I can work on me though and release the power that I give those people in affecting my life so that I can heal. So that I can find peace and serenity. It's working. I have found an entirely new perspective on life that I can't describe. This program has made me a better person and just that in itself makes it priceless. Oh, and I found a way to not drink too! That's one of the perks of AA but secondary if you ask me.
Your concept of the Christmas Tree lights is interesting. It sounds pretty close to what's sometimes referred to the AV (addictive voice) here. It's what speaks to you to get you to drink. Since neither of these concepts are tangible (I mean, Christmas Tree lights don't really light up in your brain, right?) couldn't that be considered somewhat of a spiritual thought? Same with the AV, there's not a person standing there screaming at us to pick up a drink. It's the addiction and the craving. Somehow if we can visualize that as a being it makes it easier to combat. Again, not tangible but a spiritual thought process.
As a research scientist and even though a non believer, it might be interesting to purposely apply yourself to the concepts of AA and take what you need, leave the rest at the door. Just for research sake, of course. I, myself sometimes feel that meetings get a little religious and aren't following the concept of my God and Higher Power. That's ok, there are many meetings out there, try a few out. In the end, you do have to find what works for you. I'm just passing on my own experience about a program that's made me a better person which in turn, makes me feel good about myself and much, much happier. Also, it helped me to get and to stay sober.
I'll get off my soapbox now. In totality, you have to do what works for you. This is an incredible place with a lot of people who are here to help by experience. Also a wealth of information on may different programs.
I wish you the best of luck, stick around!
Be Well
Before I begin, I am a firm believer that you have to find what works for you. I am in full support of anyone who finds a non AA program who achieves sobriety. I've tried AA (previously), non traditional programs, counseling, moderation, you name it. Nothing worked. Or so it seemed. I've tried to get sober short term, making it from what I call "Remorseful Sunday" all the way to "Time to drink again, who cares, Friday" countless times. Then, this is my 4th long term attempt, having made it to 60 days previously.
Emphasis is consistently placed on the amounts that we drink and when we drink. If someone drinks one drop of alcohol out of a glass one day a week and finds that they can't go without it that's still a problem. If you're on this board questioning if you have a problem there's a reason for that too.
We've all tried to turn the Christmas Tree lights off. We've used different bulbs, tried alternating them, tried rewiring the string, and tried limiting the number of bulbs that we use and finally, we all came to one conclusion. The only way to turn them off is to pull the plug. Plain and simple.
I, like IOAA2 rarely go to church. Pretty much only weddings and funerals. I'm not a religious person but I do believe in spirituality. When you decided to become a research scientist what moved you to do that? Some thought process in your brain led you down that path, it's what interested you. It's what "moved you". It's something within you that led you in that direction. You, and you alone. To me, that's spirituality. The same thing that led me to be where I am today and doing what I do. Just a concept to throw out there. We hear of AA and the immediate vision is of all these people praying on their knees to an almighty God that they all are unified in believing in. Quite the opposite and the reason the words God "As we understood him" exist. Working the program assists you in finding what your understanding is.
You say that you've been to a counselor. I've been to 4. After a while I got sick of hearing "and how did that make you feel?". All that we did was discuss what people did to me and why what they did to me made me feel the way that I did. This was to be touted as the underlying cause of my actions in life. What other people did to me. Keep reading
This current time in sobriety I now have 96 days. The longest I have gone previously was 60 days. I'm still going strong. I have tried AA before. Sure I did, I went and sat at meetings and left griping that I was sick of hearing people complain about how they couldn't drink. Because, that's ALL that I heard. I had a Big Book and never opened it. Within a month I was drinking again.
This time through I knew that something had to give. I had exhausted all avenues (or so I thought) and if I continued I was going to end up in the sewer. So I decided that this time I needed to give it every single ounce of will that I had and to find something that was going to help me do that. I called a friend who has been sober for 8 years. Knowing her as I do, she and I were pretty level in the problems that alcohol had wrought in our lives. My concept was that if she could do it then I had to be able to do it. Come to find out that she did it by working the program and doing the 12 steps properly. It took me a bit to ask but she became my sponsor and that's exactly what I'm doing.
All that I have to say to you is that if you believe that AA is just a program to get sober that's one of the most inaccurate statements that I have ever heard. I'm just at the beginning of step 4 which is the writing and already I can't begin to fully describe the peace that I have in my life now. The counselors that I sat with to discuss all those bad things that people had done to me neglected to do one thing. To look at me. The reason that I was the person that I was was not the bad things that people did to me, it was my inability to focus on how I perceived those actions and how I let them affect me. Sum total, I can't change other people. I can work on me though and release the power that I give those people in affecting my life so that I can heal. So that I can find peace and serenity. It's working. I have found an entirely new perspective on life that I can't describe. This program has made me a better person and just that in itself makes it priceless. Oh, and I found a way to not drink too! That's one of the perks of AA but secondary if you ask me.
Your concept of the Christmas Tree lights is interesting. It sounds pretty close to what's sometimes referred to the AV (addictive voice) here. It's what speaks to you to get you to drink. Since neither of these concepts are tangible (I mean, Christmas Tree lights don't really light up in your brain, right?) couldn't that be considered somewhat of a spiritual thought? Same with the AV, there's not a person standing there screaming at us to pick up a drink. It's the addiction and the craving. Somehow if we can visualize that as a being it makes it easier to combat. Again, not tangible but a spiritual thought process.
As a research scientist and even though a non believer, it might be interesting to purposely apply yourself to the concepts of AA and take what you need, leave the rest at the door. Just for research sake, of course. I, myself sometimes feel that meetings get a little religious and aren't following the concept of my God and Higher Power. That's ok, there are many meetings out there, try a few out. In the end, you do have to find what works for you. I'm just passing on my own experience about a program that's made me a better person which in turn, makes me feel good about myself and much, much happier. Also, it helped me to get and to stay sober.
I'll get off my soapbox now. In totality, you have to do what works for you. This is an incredible place with a lot of people who are here to help by experience. Also a wealth of information on may different programs.
I wish you the best of luck, stick around!
Be Well
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
The finding a sponsor, going through the 12-step programme, becoming drawn into the fellowship, these were all things I felt extremely uncomfortable with. I went to meetings for three months and then was abstinent for a further three months on my own.
My friend agrees that my problem is that my brain likes the ‘hit’ from alcohol and the pleasant feelings I get from it.
My friend agrees that my problem is that my brain likes the ‘hit’ from alcohol and the pleasant feelings I get from it.
I think I have ADD tendencies too, I crave that stimulation from new information and experiences. Once you have decided to quit drinking, you can channel that energy into all sorts of new things that are a lot more fun than sitting in front of a bottle and watching it empty. It really is better sober.
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