13unluckyforsom

I went to one on Monday night. It was ok. It's ok in the sense that everyone's the same in addiction but I'm not sure that constantly listening to people talking about alcohol or specific brands is really what I need to be hearing right now. Not out loud. I had been craving that day so I thought it might help - it did and it didn't - I ended up being able to identify with some things said but I also in a sense it made me think more about alcohol than actual soberness.

I want to try again a few times - I don't want to dismiss it but I also don't really think its where I need to be. I mean 'my names Emily and I'm an alcoholic' all be it a true fact it just seemed to me so ridiculous - and the sharing bit - I didn't know half or any of the people's names and I'm sitting there telling them how badly I've screwed up and how **** it feels. I dunno. I'm just thinking out loud here I guess.

13unluckyforsom

It's seems a bit too anonymous to be sharing such personal stuff I think is where I struggle

ZoeM

Emily, you did better than me! I went to about 5 meetings and never opened my mouth once I'm really not a 'public speaker' at the best of times and hate being centre of attention.

GracieLou

Is knowing all of their names going to change anything? If so, then reach out your hand and say hello and get their name. It takes time but soon you will remember theirs and they will remember yours.

If you don't want to share or don't feel like it, then don't, just listen. You said you could identify with some, if you can identify then that has to tell you something.

It feels scary, that it what it feels like. I was afraid. I was afraid I would not say the right thing, I was afraid I would say to much or not enough. I was afraid these strangers would judge me or take advantage of me. I was also a little selfish. I was there for my problem, not theirs. Hearing about their problems could not possibly help me with mine. I mean here is this person talking about the 30 beers they drank, I drank whiskey. Nope, not like me.

What I found though was it was not the type, brand or amount. It was what the alcohol had done to them, their lives and how they achieved sobriety. That is what I needed to hear and that is what I did finally hear. It came slowly and in small bits but I got it. Once I listened and heard that part of their story, then that is all I heard.

You have to remember that these are everyday people, just like you and I. Our experiences, which can vary greatly, are all we have to share. This is how we help the other alcoholic.

Give it a couple more times and try different meetings and types. I get something different from my BB meeting then I get from a lead meeting but I need both.

You may not know it but I hear a lot of willingness in your post. The fact that you are willing to give it more time is a big deal.

hayley86

Hi Emily, i had the same issue with AA when i first went and listened at meetings. I found it very difficult to hear people discussing alcohol and brands of alcohol. I also ended up thinking more about drinking and i found it tough. I decided i needed something that was more focused on the positive aspects of sobriety and i just didn't get that there at the time. AA is something i would consider again now i have more sober time though. I know for many people it is a great thing. Maybe you could try a couple of different meetings?. They vary a great deal. Hope you have a good day.

13unluckyforsom

Yeah I can't judge based on one meeting it was just a niggle as to if its for me. I will go again - my dr is referring me to someone for therapy and I've to phone some place else about addiction do I'm not a one trick pony lol I need more than just kicking alcohol to achieve happiness.

Thanks for your insight - as always sometimes all you need is a different perspective or someone who has a better understanding of things than you do - appreciate the replies.

IOAA2

Try to realize that AAs been active over 75 years and has been a part of getting millionS on the road to sobriety. So it should change because SOME people don't like something? I'm sorry I never felt that important. In the old days we were told to just listen at least until that wonderful toxic fluid we pumped in was out of our system and our brains started to rebuild to say something sane. Most old timers were tougher, with love, than that. Good for your consideration on attending more meetings. My salvation was to hear people say "KEEP COMING AND DON'T DRINK ONE DAY AT A TIME" BE WELL

Dano1975

So you didn't like that meeting, try another, and another.. AA works, thats why it's been around so long. Did you think getting sober wouldn't be hard work? There's no magic pill for happy sobriety. I've been to meetings that were just ok and others that were life changing. If you see one bad movie do you swear off theaters for life?

FBL

If you think AA is the way to go, then give it some more time. If it doesn't work out, there are lots of other alternatives out there these days. Many of us are happily sober using other methods.

Lightning Bug

The stories in one AA mtg used to trigger me to have cravings. I don't go to that meeting anymore, I go to the one with all the oldtimers (30+ years). These meetings don't.

IOAA2

Lets try to remember AA is really just people, sharing their experience, strength and hopes. None are paid and the vast majority are not trained public speakers, we speak from the heart and often say what we need to say, for ourselves. I don't know of many who 1st came to the program and say "I can hardly wait to speak" and sometimes the shy quiet ones seem to go no and on. I personally haven't for many years heard a speaker say something that made me think of drinking. I will say some speakers to me get carried away with the glories of their drinking, fun etc. But hey, we all suffer from the effects of our drinking somewhat. JMO BE WELL

wakko

For me' admitting that I was an alcoholic, not trying to do this on my own, the guidance and friendship of sober people, and the ability to contribute something useful to this world were central parts of my recovery.The more I go to AA the less I seem to understand it but I do know it has kept this alcoholic sober for almost 4 years

ZoeM

Maybe I was just unlucky with AA meetings, but I spent most of my time refusing to give men my phone number!!

heath480

Good news Emily that you attended a meeting.There is no necessity to share if you don't want to,just listen.

Try more meetings give it a good chance.Remember all those strangers will soon become your friends.I hope you were given phone numbers from the ladies in the room?

wakko

I would definitely seek out a different meeting possibly a woman's meeting. It is an unwritten suggestion in most groups that men deal with men and women deal with women. In the group's I attend men do not give women their phone numbers or vice versa unless asked for. I have numerous female friends and numerous female phone numbers but I've known these women for years. Recovery is hard and complicated enough without throwing sex into the mix.

Anna

Good for you for recognizing this. Stopping alcohol is necessary, but it's the work we do on ourselves to become healthy, that's so important.

Nattythreads

Nowhere in the post does the OP say that AA/NA should change. They just reference the fact that constantly being confronted with the woes of their addictive behaviour and talking about it is detrimental to their own train of sober thought.

I share that. I attend AA/NA and have done for years as I have sought sobriety. I take strength from the program but there are many days when I don't need or want to be reminded of my failings. Nor do I want to sit there and force empathy with a room full of strangers.

Sobriety is a personal journey and one size does not fit all.

ZoeM

Wakko - there is a women's meeting on a Saturday, but I'm finding SR is working wonders at the moment If I start to falter though, I'll definitely go to the Saturday women's meetings

wakko

In my experiene when I start to falter it already may be too late.

ZoeM

Ah, but I've had 4 years of 'dress rehearsals' - this isn't so new to me
Previously I only made 7-10 days, so all's good and if I can be sober today of all days, then I'm in with a chance yeah?

PS Plus, I've just re-opened my animal rescue - first two cats coming in Monday, so I'm finally back to being the 'real me' again x