stellabb00

I feel like a complete hypocrite complaining about wanting to get sober and then getting high every chance I get. I don't think I'm ready to quit getting high. I'm sorry. When I am 100% ready though I'm definitely coming back on here because all of you are so supportive and amazing. Thank you so much for your support this far

pinkdog

Hi stella, stick around. People are at different stages of readiness. You can get support here, no matter what part of your journey you are on. Love to you.

foolsgold66

Hope to see you back when you are ready!

Bebetter

Don't wait until you are 100% ready. I never felt 100% ready. I still don't feel 100% ready. Maybe the scales only need to tip a little more in favor of sobriety before you can stop yourself from getting high just once. And maybe that "once" will be enough to catapult your strength forward. That's how I remember starting on my path... Every night for months, I told myself "This is it. Tomorrow I won't drink." And I did anyway. But after one awful night, I didn't drink the next day, and I was nowhere near 100% ready, but I'm 2 months sober tomorrow.

Dee74

This is not a pass or fail situation Stella - many of us slipped up many times - I know I did.
Don't let your addiction call the shots - why not stay around?

D

Amajorityofone

Friend-

Do yourself a favor and, once again, listen to the sound of your own voice.

I think I'm a drug addict, but since I don't do heroin or meth or pop illegal pills everyday I always end up talking myself out of believing I really have a problem. I'm 17, I've done opiates, dxm, adderall, vyvanse, marijuana, and I've some how become addicted to benadryl I also love to drink. I look at my drug use as recreational not addiction, but I've grown very dependent on benadryl taking up to 12 25 mg pills everyday for weeks. I don't want to stop, but I know I need to.



Good luck and God Bless

AnotherPaul

I went to about 25 AA meetings over several months before I finally quit drinking. Each one got me a little closer to sobering up. Stick with it.

bigsombrero

It seems like you have a desire to quit - why leave the forum? Logging off and pretending SR doesn't exist is just another way of pushing your addiction to the back of your mind. Maybe you can lurk, read some posts, see if you find a story that hits home.

For the record, there's never a "good time" to quit. In my case, I didn't quit until my 3rd ride in the back of an ambulance. And I'm not the only one who needed several trips to the hospital before I decided to get clean - if that option doesn't sound good, why not try now, when you have control? Good luck, regardless!

LadyBlue0527

Stella, the best thing to do is to stay. You have a desire to quit and you already are aware that you have a problem. There is no such word as hypocrite here. Also no judgement. Just people who have either the desire to quit or who have quit and are working on maintaining.

Don't allow your addictive voice to pull you away from here. We all have been through what you are going through and understand it. You think that because you said you wanted to quit and then you still wanted to use that must mean you really don't want to quit. Trust me, this is not the case. It's all a part of the addiction.

Let us help you.

Hevyn

Stella - Like others, I was still drinking when I first came here. I continued for a few months before I felt ready to let go of it. Everything that was said here had an impact on me. It strengthened me & gave me courage to stop. I hope you'll stay - but if not, you know where we are.

alphaomega

Yep. Been and done. I called it Flirting with Sobriety.

Kept coming back, reading, posting, searching, begging, pleading, negotiating, moderating, vomiting, gagging, panicking, hiding, and yes, drinking and drugging.

No need to feel like a hypocrite. We as fragile addicts, all essentially are.

Be well.

DecBaby

Stella you don't have to go completely. Please at least check in and let us know how you're doing.

AlefVavResh

I second that.

13unluckyforsom

I don't think you need to go anywhere - u have a desire to quit but your scared and we all get that and we all still are sometimes. I wanted to quit for ages too - I was like a cat with a toy chasing it round the floor - grabbing it only to let it slip away again.

Even if your not ready just now, it won't do you any harm to read the supportive and encouraging stories here in SR.

You can do this though Stella and you know yourself you have to but no one can force you - you have to take the first step yourself and once you have set yourself free we will jump through hoops to help and advise you here.

Don't give up!!!!!

stellabb00

There's no way I could leave after reading all your posts it really does make me feel like a hypocrite sometimes though. Flirting with sobriety is the BEST way to describe how I feel I enjoy the idea of it but i'm not ready to commit? You all are so helpful thank you so much <3 I appreciate it.

Dee74

glad you'll be sticking around Stella

D

ZoeM

Stella, like the others have said, at least keep reading I too took a while to finally stop - many, many 'dress rehersals' and I really DO understand how you're feeling. Kinda got used to having you around, so please stay

PS After posting this, read that you're staying - SO thrilled!!

stellabb00

Thanks Dee and Zoe. Your posts made me so happy I think I'll definitely be sticking around it feels good to be able to be open about my feeling in the moment and be reassured and not judged

stellabb00

I agree. I think things and then my mind thinks something else and my mind is constantly flipping between me wanting and needing to get sober and my want to feel high and it's like a craving I can't stop thinking about it until i have what i'm craving. idk i'm rambling, but thanks for bringing my own thoughts and words up. i needed that.

MythOfSisyphus

You're always welcome here! I suggest you do yourself a favor and stick around. Just read, you don't have to post. Listen to the stories, especially the new members. Listen to the raw pain, the desperation, the anguish as they try to deal with a life that's disintegrating around them. Eventually you might see yourself in them.

You will know when it's time to quit. If you're lucky you'll know before you've gone farther than the road than you should have.