Healthyfood

Dee you might be right. I am under stress. A positive excitement. I moved to new place and this friend of mine is visiting me. Already finished his 3 huge beers. I tried to explain that there is no drinking allowed in my place because I don't like it. I've changed and live alco free life. I haven't got any strategy to deal with stress when other people are around me. If I was on my own I would go for a jog or cycle ride. I've never had urges like this.

dwtbd

You explained to an adult that you do not want physical objects in your home and they placed them there anyway? I think you need to call the police.

Dee74

People who visit me understand I prefer my house to be an alcohol free zone - if they don't understand that, or don't want to abide by it, they don't visit.

How important is this friend to you HF?

D

MsJax

Sorry healthyfood. You've done so well! The person in your house is not your friend. It sounds like he needs to go. If not, or you can't get him out, can you go somewhere to get centered again? A safe place with wifi would be ideal? I wish you could remove this person . Sometimes we have to do things that are very uncomfortable at the time in order to preserve our sanity & sobriety. You have to put yourself first.

lessgravity

I just don't get why either your friend goes or you just leave.

Healthyfood

He is important to me. But since I'm struggling when he is coming over to stay then I guess I have to make sure he does not bring booze. I tried to explain my feelings to him. He thinks I'm selfish. If I don't drink that does not mean everyone should quit.

Dee74

I had a lot of that schoolyard stuff too - I wasn't stopping anyone from drinking or preaching - I was just asking them not to do it in my house.

That's my right as an adult and house owner or tenant.

I have to be honest...if he can't respect your wishes and is calling you selfish is he the kind of person you want or need to be around with?

D

lessgravity

You've been sober this long and you are going to let a situation like this jeopardize it? Really? Your friend sounds like less than a friend to me. Do yourself a favor and have him leave or leave yourself. Not worth it. Go see a movie. Whatever.

Received

From the sounds of things, your friend sounds like a bully and is getting kicks out of taunting you. It's cruel.

I don't drink and that will never change and I can guarantee you if I had a friend come over with beer, acting the way you described things, they would be out of my house so fast their heads would spin.

I don't let my beast pull that crap so I'm certainly not going to allow someone elses to.

I'm a hardass that way.

Anna

Healthy, it's your house. You make the rules. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

You don't allow alcohol in your house, but you did. Why put that stress on yourself for a friend, who isn't even a good enough friend to listen to what you told him?

wizard1969

If you tell someone your a recovering alcoholic and to not bring booze into the house and they do so anyway and drink in front of you, you should get rid of this person. You must believe that your sobriety is more important than any relationship (even family).

Bebetter

I have no problem with booze in my house - it's not a trigger for me, and it doesn't scare me. But you better believe my own mother would not be welcome in my house with a gun. It doesn't matter what it is - booze, a gun, a bag of coke, a sexual predator or a chocolate cake - anything you perceive as dangerous to your well-being has to go. Your friend could just as easily have stashed his beer in his car on ice and drank it outside (or not at all). Apparently drinking is a problem for him since he can't go without to help out a good friend (you).

EndGameNYC

One could make a good case that most of us rely on willpower not to drink in early sobriety. For me and many others, willpower alone was simply not enough.

I didn't read anything in your comments about getting help and support elsewhere. Without supports in place to manage my very powerful cravings in early sobriety, I never would have made it.

It may be time for a change.

foolsgold66

If it's too much for you, he should respect that. Keep being firm and be well.

Healthyfood

Thank you all for support last night. It REALLY helped. I went for a walk and gathered my strengths to face the booze in my own house. I was so annoyed and sad last night. I put my hand on my heart and asked him not to drink or bring any booze to my house. He could not understand what was the problem. I could not say words such as I'm recovering alcoholic. I said I've changed and live booze free life. Couple hours later booze was empty, bottles were outside in the bin. I feel like washing the bin and the fridge. Thanks guys for your support.

HeadLump

Thank you for the update, Healthy. So glad you made it through

Louise82

I'm really glad you made it through to the other side HF. Well done for posting on here and taking a walk. I have to agree with the others here. You say he's important to you but how important are you to him if he disrespects you like that? You shouldn't have to tell him you're a recovering alcoholic. "No" is a complete sentence. If someone told me they didn't want something in their house, it wouldn't even occur to me to then bring that very thing into their house and flaunt it in front of them. It's a matter of common courtesy and human decency, let alone friendship. That's just the way I was brought up.

afloatsober

Hey you, well done.
My boat is a booze free zone.
When it comes to booze in my space i call the shots. Friends can't respect that then its bye,bye.
My real friends respect what i am trying to do even if they don't quite get it.
The days of people pleasing at the risk of losing my sobriety are over for me.
Just has o be that way.

Be safe.

Gx

lessgravity

Excellent work. I, personally, was getting nervous for you there - I could really imagine being there and you making the bad decision - it would so much not have been worth it.

Congrats. Here's to being strong and getting stronger.

Healthyfood

Lessgracity... I was very nervous all day. I'm glad that I got through that. I quit smoking this Jan too so managed to stay smoke free too.