:( Well I really hope everything works out for you. <3 I know it's a really tough subject, I guess it's just something I've always wondered.

I'm single now and completely focused on myself and my sobriety. I guess I'm too self-absorbed to even think about dating yet, lol. I just want to be in a happy, healthy place before I do. And when I do, I wonder sometimes, will I need to be very careful and choose a non-drinker, or just a moderate drinker, or a person who is in recovery? Certainly I couldn't be with someone who was actively in their disease.

It's not really something I worry about right now, but sometimes I wonder. :)

Kristy, I wonder about this too, but i have never been recovered long enough to have to decide. when i chose him, I did not consider him an "actively using alcoholic." I would not have deliberately chosen that. But, there were signs, in hindsight. Strong ones. But he moderates better than me day to day. he can have 2 on a weeknight. But I do now notice that it goes up to 3 more often. At one time, it could sometimes be just one. Never, ever just one anymore.

So, it is escalating, the habitual use. In early years, there was binge drinking, but we were all young and partied. In that environment, it is hard to know who is really headed for trouble. Some have tamed down, others have continued to imbibe more heavily.

You analyze why he would have such little support for the person he apparently loves, while you are trying to make this difficult, yet rewarding change in your life. Then you decide if you want to keep him around or not.

I understand, you don't always know and I guess there's no guarantees when you get married, for a lot of things!

They say, "in sickness and in health" well addiction just sorta takes that whole idea, chews it up and spits it out lol. It's an evil, selfish disease, and a possible deal-breaker for me. That includes me, too--I wouldn't want my man to stick around and be sick with me if I was really, really sick.

I'm just planning on getting to know someone reeeeeeeeally well before I say "I do." I'll be watching so carefully for red flags, poor guy lol. The thing is that we as humans naturally choose people that are like us, sometimes that's an unconscious thing--an addict will be attracted to the personality of another addict, even if they aren't actively using...

I'm sorry to hear your man is having trouble, I hope that in time he chooses recovery with you. <3

Ditto for me. I don't think I would have done very good if I had been with someone who was drinking and me trying to stop. Pretty sure I would have used it as an excuse to continue on.

I'm not even thinking of dating at all at this point. Perfectly happy by myself and just working on me.