Valll

I've read you a lot on here dear Jeni - crikey you did have it bad and look at you now! Brilliant and thanks for your input.

I still don't understand why he carries on though :<(

AlefVavResh

That means he asked you before the hangover set in. Really good news. I only ever dumped bottles in the morning.

Coldfusion

I would say that it's not helpful to try to derive meaning from our actions while drunk. Look for actions while remaining sober.

LadyinBC

I started out with red wine and moved on to straigh vodka when the wine wouldn't do the job. Then when the vodka got too expensive I found a cheap sherry that had 22% alcohol in it. Tasted like crap but I didn't care. Near the end I pretty well would have drank anything.

Valll

Thanks Coldx

Yet they say that the truth usually appears when inebriated...very confusing.

DisplacedGRITS

For me, i drank it all. Vodka was my drink of choice but i got drunk of tequila, rum, whiskey, burbon, beer and even wine and gin though i didn't enjoy them. I got desperate enough when my booze was taken from me to drink cooking wine and mouthwash. I was a desperate drunk trying to keep up appearances for my husband.

Since he asked you to remove the bottles, try to help keep his momentum going. Point him to our website and encourage him to seek help in "the real world." AA is working well for me. Perhaps he would find it helpful? Try to not let him get complacent. It's easier to build from momentum than to get going from a standstill.

Keep in mind too that your brother's drinking isn't your problem to solve. You can encourage him and support him but you can't fix him. The person who has to take charge of his life is him, not you or anyone in the family. You might be able to keep him from drinking for a little while but may chafe under the supervision and turn back. That's my personal experience with myself. Do anything to support his recovery and nothing to support his drinking. Good luck and i hope he gets well soon, physically, mentally and spiritually.

Valll

That is very scary LadyinBC...

I grew up in Europe so we drank a glass of wine during meal times and it was the norm. We didn't go out just to drink which happens a lot in the UK. I can never ever imagine drinking something such as Whisky or beer just to get...what? yuk!

caboblanco

I think most would. Especially in the end and especially if they had little money. At least they wouldn't be picky

DisplacedGRITS

Not necessarily true. What drinking does is lower natural inhibitions. I remember being drunk and desperate and saying i was going back to the Catholic church! I don't want that at all! But what i was expressing was a need to get in touch with my spiritual side and my personal Higher Power. I told my husband that i hated him when i was drunk which isn't true at all. I might resent him or have been really annoyed and frustrated and scared but i didn't hate him then nor now. So while some things spoke while drunk may be true, many of them are spoken with only a grain of truth and a lot of drunken fogginess.

Now, perhaps your brother is sincere but he's also desperate and desperate is good if he can follow up on it. Lots of people come to sobriety out of desperation. The problem is, his alcoholic brain will let him forget much of the pain and heartache of drinking and glamorize alcohol. It's an uphill battle but if he can keep moving forward, he stands a much better chance.

Valll

Thank you DisplacedGRITS (what a fab name ;>)

I know it is not my problem nor can I solve it, but maybe, just maybe if I get a little insight into his world I can talk the talk to him, speak the speak and he will hear me...I doubt it though, as I know he isn't thinking about anyone else when he is drinking, but at the same time, I know he doesn't want to hurt anyone. When he comes out of his "relapses" he is so apologetic, feels so guilty...and that "I think" drives him on to doing it again! To forget what he did...he is the kindest, sweetest person who would give the shirt off his back when sober.

Jeni26

You don't understand it because it doesn't make sense...not even to us who have been in the same place as your brother.

The need to drink becomes all consuming and more important than anything else in our lives. There are many terrible examples of SR members who have lost everything, their homes, relationships, jobs. Yet they cannot stop and won't until they are ready to.

The fact that your brother asked you to remove the bottles when he was drunk to me is a similar scenario to me sobbing that my life was completely unmanageable as I poured myself another drink. I knew it in my heart, but my addiction was still running the show. In the cold light of day, I would always convince myself that I wasn't THAT bad, and continue where I left off.

I reached my own personal rock bottom and knew it was my time to be sober. This wasn't after a huge dramatic event of which there were many, it was just one morning when I was sick and tired of feeling ill. I didn't want to spend one more weekend laying on the sofa and shaking until I could get another vodka inside me.

I'm afraid I was totally and utterly selfish. I gave up because it was making ME physically ill. I didn't give up for my kids who should have had a much better deal from me. I was in denial about the effects of my drinking on them. Ive had to face that sober. Alcoholics are self-destructive and entirely self-absorbed.

I hope you're getting help for you Valll, and that your brother reaches his own conclusions about wanting to stop soon. Take good care x

Valll

Thanks Jeni - you make perfect sense in that, it doesn't make sense at all ;>) grrrrrr I wish there was a key to unlocking it/stopping it.

Me getting help? Errrrm, well, I get help here on SR which is amazingly helpful (Whiners). I also have a humongously big family and loads of friends - I also spent many years in therapy learning about who I am, and then trained as a therapist but gave up a few years in as although I was good at helping, I was rubbish at distancing myself from others problems and would have ended up crying with them ;>) nooooooo good.

Thank you everyone for your input.x

LadyinBC

It's definately progressive. My goal when drinking was to get drunk and to stay drunk.

When I was a teen my mom drank alot and I could never understand why she just couldn't stop. I do understand it now. Some switch got turned on in my brain and I no longer had any control when drinking. I have binged up to 5 days straight.

I know for me if I ever went back, I would be right back where I ended. I don't care if the wine matches what I'm eating and I'm not interested in just "one glass" and I don't care if it even tastes good. I just want that feeling of oblivion. And it does scare me that it is like that for me.

Lionhearted1

Once drunk I would drink anything it really would not matter to me as my body and mind goes into autopilot until black out... Scary really but like someone else said before being drunk I would not drink certain drinks...

Valll

This was very helpful insight for me Lion.

I still don't understand however how one could get so far into just accepting anything?

Dee74

I'm sorry for your situation Valll.

The brief answer is if he is like the drinker I was, and wants to drink, he will...and it might be anything.

Hopefully that's not the case - I hope your brother is committed to staying sober - he certainly has a lot of support.

What kind of support do you have Valll? have you thought of something like AlAnon at all?

D

shauninspain

Or failing alcohol I would drink cough syrup or aftershave. I was the best smelling guy in the gutter.

Fandy

wine, vodka or sometimes bourbon.
i could not stomach scotch or gin.

Tamerua

And I drank wine, wouldn't normally touch beer. And there is beer in the house and I don't even look at it. All wine had to be cleared out.

And to echo others, the point is moot probably.

Bubovski

When I did 5 weeks recovery I was a bit insulted when they took my after shave
At an AA meeting, some time back, a guy spoke of drinking perfume; he said he was surprised that the cheap stuff tasted better than the more expensive.
Thankfully he was doing well in to recovery.