Acheleus

Hanging in there but very tired all the time. Think it is stress and body healing.

Olive1

foolsgold66

I remember the tireds from my stint in rehab a few years back. Could not get enough sleep. Hang in!

MrBen

When I last quit I lasted about a week, I got the most vivid, terrifying nightmares of my life. Have you experienced anything similar?

RunningRaces

I'm on day 9 myself and am finding myself extremely tired, and the dreams are out of control. I think it's the body getting itself cleaned out and back into synch.

tate9685

Perfectly normal and yes your body is healing form being beat up for so long. Listen to what your body needs and get plenty of rest and eat well. Good job on 11 days...that is AWESOME!!

Acheleus

I have to teach in a little while and I still feel like I am going to fall asleep. This is crazy! No nightmares but I have had some vivid dreams. Tomorrow I have a day off so I will spend it reading. Then it is labor day weekend!

Acheleus

I think my work environment is bad for me. I feel that everyone knows I am an alcoholic and I do not like any of the people. They all seem happy, and they whisper and talk behind peoples back. I would much rather be alone all the time or hanging out with homeless people. Sorry to bitch. I will just post my days from now on. I just hate my life and I hope in sobriety I can find something that makes me happy. It is like I am living a nightmare or something. My gf left me, her parents hate me, I have no relationships. I do not want to drink but I just want to isolate and disappear.

EndGameNYC

Happy to know you're hanging in there, Acheleus.

What you're going through will not last forever. Today I'm able to look back on my early struggles in sobriety with a measure of fondness, appreciating how all that work and all that suffering eventually brought me to a much better place.

Yesterday you commented that Welbutrin seems to be working for you, and I was happy to know that as well. With many pscyh meds, we need to give them time and fight through the temporary side effects in order to enjoy the benefits. Welbutrin is often referred to as an "activating" antidepressant, so it's unlikely that it will wear you out.

Keep up the good work.

Acheleus

Yea the med kills my cravings for alcohol and cigarettes. I just hate coming to this ******* place. Being drunk and making bad decisions got me here. But **** this feeling.

Nuudawn

Hey hey...you're drifting into a dark abyss here Ache..self loathing, self pity etc. Change the bloody channel..now!!! I know you are still hurting about the end of your relationship. But I'm going to pull out some tough love here... you have no business being in a relationship right now. You can't shore up yourself and it's nobody else's job to do so. I have done that sooooooooooo many times honey. I have put my self worth in someone else's hands. That's NOT THEIR JOB. It was not in your girlfriend's contract to make you feel better about you. Hate is strong word and I imagine you are projecting it on to the gf's parents... because you hate you. STOP IT. STOP IT RFN.

Get back to the work of dealing with you and quit worrying what other people think. It's none of your business what other people think. You're business is befriending YOU.

Acheleus

In fact I think I will just go live off in the woods some damn where. My life is just one miserable day after another. The professional people do not seem to help.

resolute50

I don't know.
Whenever I hear about somebody that beat alcoholism I have nothing but the greatest respect for them.Some very important as well as very respected people have gone through it.

To me that's somebody that recognized they had a problem,took charge of it and mad e a change.

And I even have MORE respect now that I have admitted to being an alcoholic and taken on my own demons.
Like steel put to fire,it helps to make us stronger and much more sharper.

Amajorityofone

Wednesday is my designated "rest day." I try to do as little as possible, rest as much as possible and reward myself with a full body massage at least every six weeks. I encourage you to make at least one day of the week the same. Especially after eleven days.

It really is a rejuvenating experience.

and Congratulations!

foolsgold66

Achelus it is really early still. The people that talk behind your back can just stay back there. Some of them are addicts too.

Nuudawn

You don't want to live in the woods. You crave human connection. We are relational people and we aren't meant to go it alone. But we have a responsibility to not put our sh*t on other people. In order to be sober ..you must undertake the "work" of being sober. Unfortunately, we didn't get a handbook to life. I spent the first half of my life with the wrong bloody directions. Hell..I didn't have any directions. I read self help like a maniac..drinking all the way through wondering why I couldn't change. I had the information but I didn't put it into practice. Life isn't easy...especially if we grew up in an environment that did a better job of tearing us down that building us up. You say things/people aren't working. Well.. you're new at this..we all our here. It takes TIME..and shouldering the tough stuff sober to build up our own esteem.

Olive1

Hi Acheleus,
Nuudawn is right. It takes time. Lots and lots of time. I remember when I got out of rehab, my family thought, 'well, there, that's done, now she is fixed.'
So far from the truth. It took me months and months before I felt even a little tiny bit less crap. And even more months after that before I figured out who I was. And who I was was not the same person. At all.
Please give yourself a break and keep up the good sober work.

hayley86

It took time and then more time for me to start to feel better when i stopped drinking. Stopping drinking is just the first thing we do to get sober. You need to allow yourself time to recover. Try and stop punishing yourself for the past. It has gone and no longer exists. Focus on the day you have now. This is a chance for a fresh start for you to get well and have the things you want in life and to ultimately be happy. When i stopped drinking i found life extremely overwhelming and i did not have a clue who i was. Nearly 11 months on i am starting to find out.

This is a chance to get to know yourself and find out what makes you happy. Try and stop worrying about what other people think and pay attention only to yourself. You didn’t choose the people you work with as friends. You don’t have to like them all. All you have to do is get your tasks done for the day and keep making good choices. New friends and relationships etc will happen with time. If you focus on looking after yourself and you continue to be pro-active with your recovery these will most likely be healthy relationships instead of ones that are created because you feel lonely and miserable. Try and focus on ensuring you are in a good, stable, happy place for when that happens. Congrats on day 11...great!.

firstymer

Achleus,
For what it is worth, you are an inspiration. I am on my 3rd day of sobriety. 2nd day with SR. 11 days of sobriety seems like an impossibility to me. For you to do what you have done, in the midst of the relationship problems you are having, is incredibly brave. You are a much better, stronger person than you know. If you don't mind, I will use your accomplishment as today's tool to try to get me to day 4. Thanks for that.

Acheleus

Just taught two sections about noticing details. I used Henri Rousseaus The Dream, a really cool painting you guys should check out. I was upset earlier because I am supposed to share an office but this guy is there all the time and he hates me, he doesnt even acknowledge me. I want to beat his scrawny ass but I dont want to get arrested. So I just do not know what to do. Other people have nice desk partners but I do not even talk to this guy, so I have to do all my printing from home and I am fed up of being treated like ****. So it is just frustrating work stuff. Going to a class now. No one in my program talks to me, it just sucks. Sorry for venting. I am proud to be on day 11.


I will heed your advice Nuudawn and start working on myself. I do have good things about me I need to see, it is just hard being alone all the time. I just feel invisible.