Guilty thoughts
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Guilty thoughts
Last night I started thinking about dying. I 'm not a morbid person and am not scared of dying (preferably at a ripe old age 
) My husband has been ill recently with stomach problems and will not go to the doctor. He drinks wine most nights which cannot be helping. He doesn't drink excessively or have a problem. He doesn't feel ill till after the wine but blames it on rich food etc. Anyway he's in his 50s and we have a toddler. I told him to go to the doctor- it doesn't matter if he kills himself but to damage his health and potentially leave his child fatherless is irresponsible and selfish.
Then it hit me. It was like looking in a mirror. That's what I had been doing for the last few years, carrying on drinking after my son was born. Sadly, alcoholism doesn't disappear as soon as we give birth. I can't believe I put my health at risk, put myself in harm's way, didn't really care about what happened to me when I had a young child, I'm shocked at my selfishness. I used to think I was agood mother. who the hell was I kidding when I put myself at such risk and could have left my child an orphan. I only drank at home but hey 2 bottles of wine a night- it wouldn't be long before I developed serious health problems. It got me thinking who would look after my son if I died. Mine and my H parents are dead/too old. We have no close family as such. I know feeling guilt and worrying about the past is no help to anyone
This post isn't meant to beat any mothers up out there. I've been there. These thoughts really did come out of nowhere. But for mothers out there who are struggling to quit, if you're struggling to do this for yourselves do it for your children. In time you will want to do it for you.
) My husband has been ill recently with stomach problems and will not go to the doctor. He drinks wine most nights which cannot be helping. He doesn't drink excessively or have a problem. He doesn't feel ill till after the wine but blames it on rich food etc. Anyway he's in his 50s and we have a toddler. I told him to go to the doctor- it doesn't matter if he kills himself but to damage his health and potentially leave his child fatherless is irresponsible and selfish.Then it hit me. It was like looking in a mirror. That's what I had been doing for the last few years, carrying on drinking after my son was born. Sadly, alcoholism doesn't disappear as soon as we give birth. I can't believe I put my health at risk, put myself in harm's way, didn't really care about what happened to me when I had a young child, I'm shocked at my selfishness. I used to think I was agood mother. who the hell was I kidding when I put myself at such risk and could have left my child an orphan. I only drank at home but hey 2 bottles of wine a night- it wouldn't be long before I developed serious health problems. It got me thinking who would look after my son if I died. Mine and my H parents are dead/too old. We have no close family as such. I know feeling guilt and worrying about the past is no help to anyone
This post isn't meant to beat any mothers up out there. I've been there. These thoughts really did come out of nowhere. But for mothers out there who are struggling to quit, if you're struggling to do this for yourselves do it for your children. In time you will want to do it for you.
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Hi RAL. It's weird, I had those feelings too quite recently when I gave up smoking. The thought of having to sit down and have 'that' conversation with my kids and explain that I was ill is the thing that keeps me from caving in again.
Yet for the whole of their lives I drank and smoked, and was oblivious to the damage I was doing to myself and the potential heartbreak it could have caused them.
I guess the way I look at it now is that instead of looking back at who I was, I am able to look forward. What a wonderful opportunity I have now to build a strong and healthy relationship with them. How great is it that I can be a role model and show them the importance of looking after our minds and bodies. Instead of having a Mum who lays on the sofa all weekend hungover, they have one who goes to the gym, who eats healthily, who talks openly about her emotions and encourages them to do the same.
Sobriety brings many rewards, but for me this has got to be the best one of all. Yes, I have regrets about the past, but my focus now is on my hopes and plans for the future xxx
Yet for the whole of their lives I drank and smoked, and was oblivious to the damage I was doing to myself and the potential heartbreak it could have caused them.
I guess the way I look at it now is that instead of looking back at who I was, I am able to look forward. What a wonderful opportunity I have now to build a strong and healthy relationship with them. How great is it that I can be a role model and show them the importance of looking after our minds and bodies. Instead of having a Mum who lays on the sofa all weekend hungover, they have one who goes to the gym, who eats healthily, who talks openly about her emotions and encourages them to do the same.
Sobriety brings many rewards, but for me this has got to be the best one of all. Yes, I have regrets about the past, but my focus now is on my hopes and plans for the future xxx
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts too Jeni. I don't know why these feelings have suddenly appeared for me. It was so vivid last night.
It's strange I used to say I'm allowed to do this, I need 'me' time,everyone does it,it's not illegal. I suppose I was just convincing myself,or at least trying to
You're right, no point looking back. If I need a reason to stay sober it's Junior RAL.
It's strange I used to say I'm allowed to do this, I need 'me' time,everyone does it,it's not illegal. I suppose I was just convincing myself,or at least trying to
You're right, no point looking back. If I need a reason to stay sober it's Junior RAL.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: London
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Hi Guys!
How are you today?
My friend has a son of 13, she has had severe depression on and off for the last few years, this resulted in a small breakdown recently. She has since found out with help that she has suffered post natal depression.
Luv & hugs
Jackie xx
How are you today?
My friend has a son of 13, she has had severe depression on and off for the last few years, this resulted in a small breakdown recently. She has since found out with help that she has suffered post natal depression.
Luv & hugs
Jackie xx
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast 
. . . for mothers out there who are struggling to quit, if you're struggling to do this for yourselves do it for your children. In time you will want to do it for you.
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Thanks everyone
least-it's me with the problem,not Mr RAL. Although I have wondered lately if the few glasses is becoming a bit too frequent. He can take it or leave it though, just wish he was more concerned about his general health. Health can be a bit of a touchy subject though with men of a certain age
least-it's me with the problem,not Mr RAL. Although I have wondered lately if the few glasses is becoming a bit too frequent. He can take it or leave it though, just wish he was more concerned about his general health. Health can be a bit of a touchy subject though with men of a certain age
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Originally Posted by ZoeM
And Junior need know nothing about it now you've stopped
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