A bit of a ramble...one year on.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Getting there
Posts: 216
A bit of a ramble...one year on.
I just passed my first year without any alcohol. Was not really counting, not really marking off the days or anything like that. Just thought I would write a few notes for those of you starting out or even considering / thinking about quitting.
A bit of background - I am alcoholic. It was all very progressive, just kind crept up on me, year after year my resistance built up slowly. I was not a falling down on my face alcoholic but rather the highly functioning type, knew when to drink (or rephrase that 'planned my drinking' - you all know what that means). My wife over the years was always on at me to stop, then during the summer 2012 my son called me an alcoholic......a few months later I stopped it was last week of August 2012.
Do I miss it?
Do I miss drinking? Sometimes I do, sometimes I have a strong taste to reach for a cold beer....and neck it in one go. You all know the feeling....a cold beer. But on other side, what I went through and what I put my family through, my downright selfishness for so many years - not making their life a misery is way worth it.....not making my own life a misery is also worth it. In fact I am now really scared to drink because I believe I know where it will end up.
Changes
One of the mental things is trying to get back to that person whom I was before alcohol took over my life in every aspect. One of the things I do think about is the unique / great / fantastic chance that I have been given - I managed to stop and have to remain that way - no magic pill for this, which is a pity because it sure would help a lot of people and families out of sheer misery. Anyway I try to project what my like could be like if I continued drinking for another 20 years.....would my wife stay with me?....would my son look up to me, what would he say to his kid(s) about me?.......would I be working?.......would I have health problems?....would I be alive? .......how messed up could I get???etc.
So bear this in mind being an alcoholic means alcohol takes over your state of mind....it is the one most important things in your life for and being without it is REALLY hard. Alcohol lulls one into a false sense of security, thus we all make an ass of ourselves, do stupid things like gambling etc, make stupid decisions, have stupid discussions and arguments. Repeating it again and again and again.....then when we think back on the stupid things we did we lose our self esteem mostly because of being an ass.....and over the years of continuous alcohol abuse it just goes on and on. How many of you got up the next day and said never again because you did something or said something really stupid or caused a problem all because of your drinking? I for sure did a lot.....but then repeating it over and over and over....and always promising it will be different...but it never is different..is it?. Always the same.
Health
What can I say. A lot of people write about the immediate health effects etc. I lost weight etc.....that is positive. But for me what is even more positive is that I really have started to care about my well being and health (only get one shot at this game). Over the past year I have a had a load of medical tests - chest x ray, blood tests......yes even for HIV....the lot....dental problems solved. All is ok and that is the way I want to keep. It is like wiping the slate clean and I am moving on to another stage with an engine that has had an oil change.
My family.
I am an alcoholic and cannot drink alcohol.....zero, nothing. If I do I stand to lose so much. If I continued to drink alcohol it would have taken my job.....once it had taken my job it would have moved on and taken my family.....ALL my self esteem........and if I was lucky alcohol might have left me with my life (meaning alive),but by that stage it would not really matter...would it? Because my life would not be worth living.
On 18 August 2013 my wife sent me a txt ......it read 'You achieved so much....omg.....you should be so happy......call us when you are on ure way home That is the magic pill for me....or at least a tiny part of it.
It was my wife who instilled in me that it takes a stronger person to stop and an EVEN STRONGER person to stay stopped than to continue drinking. I no longer feel a fake....and have 'manned' up to the challenge or the change that was really necessary.
I have also achieved a few other things in my life........change in job with an extremely tough interview that I doubt I would have prepared for properly if I was drinking......I would lulled myself into a false sense of security that all will be ok on the day......I spent best part of 30 to 40 hours preparing notes, questions, research etc. Holiday....yes alcohol money went towards holiday....started planning it in January 2013.....loads of time to do it since I stopped drinking.
Anyway that is all for now and thank you SR for being there and for all the people posting their experiences.....reading them helped me a lot (and still helps me)
PS.....I just remembered last U2 tour I was offered a free ticket and ride to the concert..... great seats. Did I go?.....No....Why? ......Because it would interfere with my drinking......people I was going with were not big drinkers.
RAMBLE OVER
A bit of background - I am alcoholic. It was all very progressive, just kind crept up on me, year after year my resistance built up slowly. I was not a falling down on my face alcoholic but rather the highly functioning type, knew when to drink (or rephrase that 'planned my drinking' - you all know what that means). My wife over the years was always on at me to stop, then during the summer 2012 my son called me an alcoholic......a few months later I stopped it was last week of August 2012.
Do I miss it?
Do I miss drinking? Sometimes I do, sometimes I have a strong taste to reach for a cold beer....and neck it in one go. You all know the feeling....a cold beer. But on other side, what I went through and what I put my family through, my downright selfishness for so many years - not making their life a misery is way worth it.....not making my own life a misery is also worth it. In fact I am now really scared to drink because I believe I know where it will end up.
Changes
One of the mental things is trying to get back to that person whom I was before alcohol took over my life in every aspect. One of the things I do think about is the unique / great / fantastic chance that I have been given - I managed to stop and have to remain that way - no magic pill for this, which is a pity because it sure would help a lot of people and families out of sheer misery. Anyway I try to project what my like could be like if I continued drinking for another 20 years.....would my wife stay with me?....would my son look up to me, what would he say to his kid(s) about me?.......would I be working?.......would I have health problems?....would I be alive? .......how messed up could I get???etc.
So bear this in mind being an alcoholic means alcohol takes over your state of mind....it is the one most important things in your life for and being without it is REALLY hard. Alcohol lulls one into a false sense of security, thus we all make an ass of ourselves, do stupid things like gambling etc, make stupid decisions, have stupid discussions and arguments. Repeating it again and again and again.....then when we think back on the stupid things we did we lose our self esteem mostly because of being an ass.....and over the years of continuous alcohol abuse it just goes on and on. How many of you got up the next day and said never again because you did something or said something really stupid or caused a problem all because of your drinking? I for sure did a lot.....but then repeating it over and over and over....and always promising it will be different...but it never is different..is it?. Always the same.
Health
What can I say. A lot of people write about the immediate health effects etc. I lost weight etc.....that is positive. But for me what is even more positive is that I really have started to care about my well being and health (only get one shot at this game). Over the past year I have a had a load of medical tests - chest x ray, blood tests......yes even for HIV....the lot....dental problems solved. All is ok and that is the way I want to keep. It is like wiping the slate clean and I am moving on to another stage with an engine that has had an oil change.
My family.
I am an alcoholic and cannot drink alcohol.....zero, nothing. If I do I stand to lose so much. If I continued to drink alcohol it would have taken my job.....once it had taken my job it would have moved on and taken my family.....ALL my self esteem........and if I was lucky alcohol might have left me with my life (meaning alive),but by that stage it would not really matter...would it? Because my life would not be worth living.
On 18 August 2013 my wife sent me a txt ......it read 'You achieved so much....omg.....you should be so happy......call us when you are on ure way home That is the magic pill for me....or at least a tiny part of it.
It was my wife who instilled in me that it takes a stronger person to stop and an EVEN STRONGER person to stay stopped than to continue drinking. I no longer feel a fake....and have 'manned' up to the challenge or the change that was really necessary.
I have also achieved a few other things in my life........change in job with an extremely tough interview that I doubt I would have prepared for properly if I was drinking......I would lulled myself into a false sense of security that all will be ok on the day......I spent best part of 30 to 40 hours preparing notes, questions, research etc. Holiday....yes alcohol money went towards holiday....started planning it in January 2013.....loads of time to do it since I stopped drinking.
Anyway that is all for now and thank you SR for being there and for all the people posting their experiences.....reading them helped me a lot (and still helps me)
PS.....I just remembered last U2 tour I was offered a free ticket and ride to the concert..... great seats. Did I go?.....No....Why? ......Because it would interfere with my drinking......people I was going with were not big drinkers.
RAMBLE OVER
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hello Dejvice! It's great to see you.
That was no ramble. That was an honest appraisal of what your journey's been like so far & I'm sure many will benefit from it. I agree with a lot of your thoughts. Congratulations on your year of sobriety.
(Sorry you missed the U2 concert - I did that sort of thing many times. Couldn't stand the thought of not having access to alcohol for a few hours. So sad.)
That was no ramble. That was an honest appraisal of what your journey's been like so far & I'm sure many will benefit from it. I agree with a lot of your thoughts. Congratulations on your year of sobriety.
(Sorry you missed the U2 concert - I did that sort of thing many times. Couldn't stand the thought of not having access to alcohol for a few hours. So sad.)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Brilliant post - your honesty is refreshing. I relate for sure to planning life around alcohol. It's so consuming once your on that path to self destruct.
Credit to you - you've turned your life around - well done and best wishes for another sober year for you
Credit to you - you've turned your life around - well done and best wishes for another sober year for you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Japan
Posts: 147
Thanks for the post Dejvice. I have been a member of SR for nearly a year and have had many setbacks during that time. I am back again and on day 2, and posts like this give me hope that I can really make a permanent, positive change this time around.
Congratulations on your 1 year sober!
Congratulations on your 1 year sober!
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