Formykids99

hello all, this my third post. Yesterday was my first day sober in a long time. I went to my first AA meeting last night and although it felt quite strange at first, I met some really nice people including a guy with a very similar story to mine. I am slightly encouraged, but my wife is going to go sign an apartment lease tonight while I watch the kids. She is moving out because of all of my lies and hidden drinking. She has given me many chances to get help, so I don't blame her, but this being day one, I am scared about handling tonight knowing what she is going out to do. I am also very scared about her leaving me, but at the same time I know I have to stop so I can take care of my young children with co-custody and I have no idea what i would do if I lost them completely.

last night was a little rough, chills, shaking and sweating, but I got through it, I think because I went to a meeting. That will not be an option tonight, but I am going to another meeting tomorrow night.

i guess it would help if I just finally accept the fact that she is finally leaving me?

CardHat

Don't give up. You can't force your wife to take you back, but drinking tonight is definitely not the way to get her back. Plus, you need to do this for your kids. Do something else to occupy your time. Sometimes I go to Target and wander when I am bored. Go to the movies and get a big popcorn and slushy. Movies by yourself kick ass. No one bothers you. Do something to take your mind off of it. You can do it. Just think how much better you will feel when you wake up.

bblackbirdflyy

handling something of that magnitude sober can be scary, but as your handle says, do it for your kids. It'll be ok! I promise!

ScottFromWI

Staying sober should be your absolute #1 priority right now, good job on going to the meeting and glad that you found some encouragement. Definitely keep going if it helps. I think you have a doctor appt soon too, right? Be completely honest there, they can help but only if you tell them what the problem is.

Regarding your wife's decisions and custody questions, etc....those are beyond your immediate control and the whole custody thing is purely theoretical at this stage, so worrying about them won't help anyone.

Having said that, you know that all the problems you are facing are a direct result of your drinking. So the ONLY possible way to solve them over time is to not drink. And while there are no guarantees that sobriety will fix everything, it is DEFINITELY possible that regaining and maintaining a sober lifestyle will heal many wounds. Conversely, if you do not stay sober, it is 100% guaranteed that things will get worse. The only question is how bad they will get, and how long it will take.

Best of luck, you are doing all the right things!

Formykids99

Thank-you everybody, you are all absolutely correct and you have all made me feel better already. I am really starting to love this site.

CardHat

This is really good advice.

dwtbd

You probably will feel like crap, but you already bought that by past action. Good news is you have today. I'm a dad and have had to care for the kids in the past while sick with flu and same such, you will get through that part.
It is obviously a 'big' deal for you tonight being in early sobriety, not sure how old or aware your children are of the situation, but to be fair I hope you take that into consideration, not that I think you wouldn't.
We just had the opportunity to watch a young nephew, he is very 'into' all the electronic gadgets and such. But we went for an old school evening, Uno, war other simple card games, it turned out very nice he really got a kick out of it, even suggested more cards in the am, anyway just a thought it is an activity that takes your mind and time , hope maybe that could help, by the way I liked winning at Uno poor kid he didn't stand a chance.

IOAA2

Being/staying sober is a project that we do for ourselves and when accomplished other things will fall into place, sometimes beyond our expectations. I walked in your shoes for a couple years and in the long run things/I are better because of the results of just not drinking. The beginning can be bumpy because of all our wants until one day we realize we haven’t had a drink for 1,2,3,4,5, 6 months. By then we have a need to work on the reasons we drank and that’s an eye opening journey in itself. I needed to concentrate on one day at a time. Good luck.

Formykids99

All, thanks for all of the kind, supportive messages.

ScottfromWI, yes, I do have a doctor's appointment on Thursday. He has been my GP for the last 10 years, so I will feel comfortable coming completely clean with him (even though he will find out that I have been lying to him in the past, I am done with that now, it is to much work in itself).

You are right, I cannot control my wife's decisions, but I can do my best to control mine.

Thanks again

Insignifigant

There are strength in numbers. You have already taken the first step. No it isnt easy and it wont be for a while. When you want a drink talk to us, we will lend our shoulders and give you strength to get through that moment. Concentrate on being a better you and then you can tackle your other problems. You may even have a chance to start fresh with your wife when she see's you overcome this. Just remember to always be honest with her. Keep a personal journal and later you can share it with her. Your fears, your feelings, just complete honesty. You can do this. We will help and you are already on the right path.

not2late

Formykids. I was looking for you. Hope you stayed strong tonight. One day at a time. SHOW EM!! You can do this!

longbeachone

Formykids, I just feel so for you right now. Keeping your promise to yourself will be a major turning point in your life. If you have overwhelming cravings tonight and in the coming days, if you are anything like me, you just want to drink everything that you're feeling away. For me, it wasn't the loss, it was the fear of feeling sad and lonely and scared that would push me back to drink. Just cover all of those emotions up with anything alcoholic to make me forget.

The thing is, Formykids, those emotions won't hurt you. It's good to feel sad, to cry, to get angry at yourself. You must process all of these feelings by letting yourself experience them face front and sober. It will be hard, but not anywhere near as tough as you think. Once felt, cried over, thought about, feelings are free to be released...you are done with them. This won't happen in a day, or a week, or a month or more. But things will get easier with time. Better by far than drinking over your feelings so they become trapped inside you, rotting, festering and growing into a monster that will keep you tied to the bottle.

You've discovered a group of people who care deeply, who have been right where you are standing and who want to help you. Ask for as much help as you can. It's possible to change everything broken in your life, but ultimately it's up to you. Welcome!

AlefVavResh

Looks like 11pm your time and I hope you are doing well. This sounds like a nightmare night to survive, so be strong. One day at a time. Just keep posting here over and over again. Someone is always awake

Although I cannot promise you will one day have a reconciliation, I do know that people separate and get back together all the time. My husband and I did. No guarantees, but you never know.

In the meantime, keep thinking about the hangovers, the lies, the shame, and all the reasons you do not want to be that person anymore. One day it won't be just for your kids or your wife, but also for you and your new self.

CardHat

Hope you are doing well this morning

Lionhearted1

iam in the same boat my friend I feel your pain..

Formykids99

All, thank you so much for all of the support. Not a single drop or even much of a craving last night! I picked up my kids from daycare and took them home and made them pancakes. Then i told them we needed to pick up toys downstairs before we could play on the iPAD. They did this willingly for the most part. My youngest did play on the iPAD but my 7 year old and I played cards instead. It is a game called Garbage that he learned at Sumer Camp and he beat me 4 out of 5 times. After a couple of hours my wife came home from school shopping for the boys but apparently the guy who owns the apartment she is moving into did not return her phone call about signing the lease (does not mean anything, she is still going to sign it as soon as he gets back to her). Anyway, my wife and I then sat at the table and very quietly, without talking, labled all of the kids school supplies with their names while the boys payed together. She put them to bed and then after I went in and said good night. i went to the guest room and again read a book until about 1:00 am, fell asleep and then of course woke to the chills and sweats, but they were not as bad as last night. So all in all I felt/feel pretty good.

I am attending a meeting tonight and am looking forward to it and see my doctor tomorrow for the first time about the alcoholism. I know the night will come when my wife does go to sign the lease and I am sure I will be scared again and will turn to all of you for support and advice. But that day is not today and I just need to worry about today.

Thank-you again all so much, you are really helping me keep at this.

ScottFromWI

Being sober and the work involved with that is enough reason to come here for support FMK, don't wait until things get too overwhelming. I remember my first week or so I don't think I ever logged out of SR unless I was sleeping!

You are doing great, keep it up.

dwtbd

That is awesome, about last night, keep keepin on, its all we can do , right?
wish you well

Formykids99

ScottFromWI, no I definately will not wait until it gets to be too much. I will be reading and posting quite frequently to both share and care. This site has been a huge part of my support the last few days and helped me immensely.

I am still so new to this experience and have different emotions and feelings that are frequently changing. I have been "drunk me" for so long I forgot who "me" really is. Now I have to be someone I have not been since i had my first drink back in Highschool and that is "Completely sober me" and I have not known that person in a long, long time. I told our marriage counselor not too long ago that I and everyone I knew wanted me to be the same old me that I used to be and he told me to quit trying, because I never will be, as we all change with life's experiences. Looking back now, it sounds like pretty good advice.

Thanks again,