Depends on your perception of moderation.

For me it became anything between one drink and not blacking out was moderate.

Sounds pathetic I know but I genuinely figured that if I could remember most of the night, in particular going to bed, then I had "moderated" the session.

Best of luck

Just noticed I was on 99 posts.

Adding another one to reach my century. Would be amongst few Aussies to do so this season.

I have said this many times. That is one reason I know i need a change. It is scary though, the thought of total abstinence (even though I know it is what I need). For one, we have an upcoming trip to Spain/France and we have always loved having a glass of wine with dinner. It is never in these situations where I have a hard time moderating - it's typically in big group events or nights out at the bars with my buddies. I wish I could still have the occasional glass or beer in those situations, but I'm afraid that that will just put me in the same spot that I continually find myself in - keeping it in check for a few months, and then having a really bad night.

I appreciate the posts people have submitted and reading about their experiences seems all to familiar...

LOVE LADY BLUE POST
"I have regretted drinking but I have never regretted not drinking".

Amen.

I know/knew what you mean, total abstinence was something I could never wrap my head around. Especially when considering trips/events like you describe. It is very recently though that I have come to a different perspective. Not sure how to explain, except it is very much like the physical symptoms( hangovers, withdrawal) with time it gets better. I didn't believe that to be true, but I do think I am starting to be more comfortable with it. I will not drink, and on that I will not change my mind,and those thoughts are more comfortable with time. Just my experience
as always wish you well

If the above is true and you're being honest with yourself you may be one of those people who can get away with being the "only on special occasions" type of drinker.

However, I also tried that route too. Only on holidays when everyone is drinking.

One of the funniest, but true, signature lines I've seen on this board is the following:

"I only drink on special occasions, like the grand opening of a pack of cigarettes".

Reminds me of me.

The only other point is that you are currently able to moderate when it's that one glass of wine with dinner but you have a problem when out with friends. If you only drink that one glass and cut out the drinking with friends you might want to heed a warning, sometimes when you do that you allow yourself more because at other times you abstain.

For instance, my last attempt at moderation was "only on weekends" which for me meant Friday and Saturday night. Occasionally there would be an event outside of those two days and I would allow that no more than a few times a month. At the beginning of doing the weekend thing I did ok with it. However, towards the end right before I finally realized I had to stop for good, Friday and Saturday nights were horrific. I drank like a child with a bowl of candy that someone was trying to take away. The rest of the time during the week I was waiting or planning to drink.

What kind of life is that? Just be mindful that moderation progresses from your original set point and is reasoned and altered as you see fit. Refer back to the signature line that I mentioned.

I never had a problem having just one glass with my family either...but after the family occasion was over I would make up for all my 'good work'.

Eventually, I lost the ability to have even that one glass with my family, and went overboard there as well.

D

No, moderation is not possible for an alcoholic. You will always lose, as it has happened till now.

I tried to moderate for over 30 years; lost a lot in those attempts. Still haven't met any one who solved any problems with drink or an alcoholic that can drink moderately. Good Luck in your journey, whatever path you choose. If your Wife loves you she'll get edumacated about the situation!

FeenixxRising is spot on.

I'd add that having drinking control your thoughts, even if you can control your drinking, may not be how you want to live your life. I'm finding that out for myself about drugs other than alcohol. Alcohol was a no-brainer for me. After my one relapse on it, I knew for sure that it had me and there was no way out other than death or absolute abstinence. With other things, I'm more like you, and maybe even farther away from addiction. I didn't have them for many years in sobriety and have recently started experimenting (not recommended). Some of those things I never want more of when I'm on them, nor do I ever have too much, do them when I shouldn't, or in any other way fail to control my behavior in taking them or my actions when I'm on them. They're truly social, truly recreational, and they truly take over my brain with planning when I'll get to do them next, even if that's months away and I don't want to do it any sooner.

Is it addiction? Not like I know it with alcohol. But it still hijacks my thinking and I have discovered that I don't want to live there. There are other things I want to do with my time, my enthusiasm for life, and my willpower, besides planning when I get to do drugs next.

Edited to add: I am in a lifetime partnership with a normie, too (non-addict, non-alcoholic). There are definitely times when we both feel like, "Gosh, it would be nice to be able to have a really good glass of wine/champagne/beer right now." But the reality is that I can't. So he doesn't either. His choice, and I am thankful for it. Makes my choice easier...though that gets easier all the time anyway. The first while in recovery was more challenging. Now that I have been years without a drink, I'm just a little wistful in situations like that, but it doesn't bother me much because I have come to accept this about myself, just like I accept my height and the color of my eyes. That's a gift of recovery. I never thought I could be ok with that either, but here I am.

If your one this forum then moderation is out of the question.

That's what I was telling myself earlier today! I agree.

I am not a great fan of separating people into alcoholics and non-alcoholics. I have seen it used too many times to justify drinking. I am of the opinion that EVENTUALLY everyone will lose control of their alcohol consumption and the addiction will get the upper hand. It's just that with some people they slide down the trap quicker and we tend to call those folks alcoholics, but everyone who picks up a drink has fallen into the trap,IMHO. So no, I don't believe there is any such thing as moderation with any addictive substances, including alcohol.

:c011:
Best of luck!

I think it depends on the person. But truth is, if you're here, you probably already know deep down that you can't. Non addicts don't sit around wondering whether they will lose control if they have a drink, they just don't.

The last time I fell off the wagon, I only drank half a litre of vodka and managed to stop myself going back to the late night garage for more. I had a mild hangover. Anything that doesn't make me feel like I'm going to die in the morning I would say is moderate. To most "normal" drinkers, this would be too much.

Didn't drink at all over the weekend so I'm feeling pretty good this week. Was even in some tough situations at a few BBQs and at a bar getting pressured by my friends to drink while watching college football. Just drank club soda with lime and ignored the drinks they put in front of me.

I guess my plan at this point is when people ask me why I am not drinking is to tell them that I am doing the month cleanse. After the month is over, I'll probably just state that I feel so good that I'm keeping it going. Hopefully after a few months it will just be accepted.

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my mind around never drinking again. I've done some research about moderation management, but I'm skeptical that that will work. I've practically done that program by taking months off here and there, but then fallen back into the same old habits.

Hope everyone else had a good Labor Day weekend.

I don't think you have to put it in "forever" terms. I don't sit around thinking about what I am and am not going to do on December 16, 2045 or April 9, 2058 (though hopefully I'll still be breathing that day), so I'm not going to sit around thinking of myself growing old without booze. I also don't sit around thinking "take it 1 day at a time." My intellectual self knows I'm in this for the long-haul. My emotional self knows if I think in terms of forever, I will surely run away from sobriety and into a bottle as fast as I can. It's too much pressure. My goal is to free my mind completely from even wondering where booze fits into my life and just take it off the table. Like bugs. Lots of people eat bugs, but they are just not ever going to go into my mouth. There are lots of things in the world I don't ingest - lots of drugs I've drawn an invisible line against and I don't sit around worrying about getting through my entire life without cocaine. That's where I aim to put alcohol. On the other side of my line with bugs and cocaine.

Way to go, sipping your seltzer while drinks were put in your face. That is not cool. I guess they aren't taking it so seriously because you're saying you're doing the cleanse, but they'll get the message soon enough.

Once the line is crossed where you have to wonder if moderation is possible, it is not. I know this from experience...after experience...after experience.