Newbeee
 

My name is Michelle and Im an addict.I have been clean for 6 days now.My drugs of choice was opiates and then quickly turned into heroine.My family noticed I was neglecting my children.So they took temporary custody.Two or three days later I came home and detoxed on my own.The hardest part is over.I keep having strange feelings of boredum.I guess you can call those cravings.I went to my first NA meeting yesterday.I got a few numbers and a 24hour hotline.Im going to keep attending meetings regularly.I want to find a group Im comfortable in.I just want my life back.I have no energy.I do know all this does get easier.:cries3:

Yes it does, but it takes time. Hang in there.

Welcome to SR.

Great that you are taking the steps to get clean. Great for you. Wonderful for your kids.

Hello Michelle,welcome to SR.
All addictions ease with time.
Cheer up,you have made a wonderful decision to get and stay straight.

Newbee
 

Well I got my court papers today and I just came to realize that I have been an addict for 19yrs.It makes me sick and I cant help but wonder where I went.Its like time stopped.It does not seem that long at all.I have so much time to make up for.:a043:

You are correct in that time does stop in a way! Once we are in the hands of addiction growth ceases and we stay stuck where we are. Our bodies may grow old but our minds and way we cope and self sooth stay stuck. Once we get clean and stay cleaned we can begin to grow and process real emotions. It's hard I know I woke up in a 35 year old woman's body with two kids and a sick husband.... But I only felt I was mentally 25. In time and with work you will slowly get to see the person you truely are and what you were meant to be. I hope that you stay with us and get sober for you and the kids:)
Best wishes!!

Yea time does seem to stop :( I have noticed that recently w\ my booze addiction .. I always said "ohh I have no concept of time" that was my excuse .. When in reality the drugs\booze had complete control of the time :( Wish you the best; stay strong .. There are all of good people here as well as support and information you just need to be willing to go the extra mile you\we need too .. again Good Luck :)

Congratulation for getting through those "days in hell". As you know opiate withdrawal is no picnic. Now is the time to be on guard though. I think this is true for any substance. You start becoming bored and those old thoughts start coming back. Using starts to appear to be a rational decision after a while.

I think it's wonderful that you've gotten through the withdrawal, contacted NA and have a hotline to call. It sounds like you have a plan. It's not easy and it's a long haul, but it CAN get better.

Thank you for posting.

Welcome to SR. Lots of advice on these boards... also, check out the substance abuse forum.

Hi Michelle :)

It does get easier - and you'll find a lot of support here :)

welcome :)

D

Until you are able to make the connection in your brain that drugs/heroin make you feel BAD, it's hard to avoid missing your DOC. When you think of using now, do you feel a flood of good things? Time for a change and you can start working on this right now.

Think back and really remember the worst experiences you had while using, both on a physical (feeling sick) and emotional (feeling anxious or afraid) level. Just absolutely immerse yourself in these negative memories...try to feel sick, frightened, scared. This is your new line of defense for cravings. Every time you feel the need to use again, call up these bad thoughts. If you do it consistently, really work at it, you'll be surprised at how much easier it gets to say no.

This method helped me more than anything else. Now when I see, smell or think about wine (that's all I drank...lots of it) I get overwhelmed with nausea, headache and anxiety. I can almost smell vomit (gross, I know, but it's true). I know that there is a scientific name for this (aversion training?), but it's something I did on my own, and it sure helped me stop!

Glad you are here Michelle. It helps to have people on your side who truly understand. You'll find plenty of encouragement here - we're happy to have you join us. :)

Well today I started on my first step of 12.Its been 8 days since Ive used.All those familiar feelings of being bored and feeling like Im trapped are surfacing again.DEPRESSION!!!!!My life was very unmanageable and I thought I was managing just fine.HOW WRONG WAS I.

I think most of us are gobsmacked to find out just how wrong we were...but thats fine. It's in the past now.

Face towards the future Miki :)

D

Dee74,
Thank you so much for reading my blogs and giving me good advice.You make aot of sense.For the first step I made a list of everything I thought was manageable and they were very unmanageable.Im having this issue that every time I leave the people that have been helping me,I come home and their first thought is that Ive been using.Yesterday was a very long day,I got up at 6am and had ots of arrands to run.Well by the time my 19yr old got home at 10pm I was very tired and her first thought was you are high.My first 2 children were taken from me by my mom in 95.She said shes jealous because Im fighting for my youngest two,ages 14 and 8,and shes upset because I didn't fight this hard for her and her older brother.I tried to explain to her I was younger and times were different back then.All we can do now is move forward.She is not understanding that.I have to get out of the house.But she is always thinking Im trying to go use,which I have no desire too.Just the will to stay on the right path.Any advice at all that might help.

ImperfectlyMe,
You said you have two kids and a sick husband.I can realate to that.My two older children were taken from me in 95.Im now 41yrs old.Back then then I was on cocaine.I then had a daughter in 98 and everything seemed to be under control.My ast child I had in 04 and he was born with cocaine in his system.I got off of the drugs for a while,then I hurt my back really bad.The docs got me on perc 30mg.I was on those for 3 yrs.Then turned to heroine.My husband had carpral tunne surgery on both arms and same thing happened to him.We lost our home and jobs and control of our lives.My father saw that there was a problem and took temporary custody of my two youngest kids.I got cean on my own but my husband used heroine more than I did so his detox will be worse.Im trying to help him.But now my oldest daughter is putting this jealously trip on me that I didn't fight for her like Im doing for my youngest kids.I don't know what to do.Any advise would help.