Groundhog Day
 

Good Morning all,
I'm posting from the UK and it's 8.30 am here. I found this website from a recovery book I was reading and have woken up steely determined today to kick this habit that is dragging me down.

I guess I am what you would call a 'functioning alcoholic'. I can 'get by' professionally, financially, in my relationships and other areas of my life while continuing my bottle and a half of wine a night habit (more if at a social gathering and sometimes just at the weekends in the house) but I am sick and tired of 'getting by'. I guess it's time to stop behaving like an adolescent (i'm 37 and have 3 children fgs!) and grow up a bit. I need to bring my future in close and get some impulse control.

My drinking history started at about 15. Every weekend myself and my girlfriends would drink and usually throw up. Through College I drank socially and then after I had my first child and didn't go out so much it was limited to wine in the house...first of all at the weekends and now every single night. I guess it took 10 years to get to this point. I suppose I should also mention that alcoholism runs in my family - my mother died of liver failure a couple of years back (and that STILL hasn't stopped me!). By the way - not mentioning the family thing as an excuse - it's just something I am aware of. I've managed to kick before -the longest time is 6 weeks, but I always go back - even though I'm aware that each time I do it I feel more alive and capable than when I am poisoning my body night after night. So I'm here to get a bigger arsenal to combat alcohol. Another thing to mention is that I'm not physically addicted (very luckily for me) so I just need to get myself psychologically prepared.

My next job is to write a big long list of all the things I can do instead! It's not just the booze and what goes with it I'm sick of. It's always thinking about ways to justify drinking to myself. It's like I'm fighting an internal tug of war and its time to let go.

Bye for now,

Vicky

Hi Vicky :) Welcome to SR - it's a great site :)

Morning Zoe - yay! Someone from the UK! I wasn't expecting many! Good to meet you :)

I'm not from the UK, but welcome to SR Vicky :)

D

There are quite a few of us in the UK - you'd be surprised ;)

Thanks for the welcomes! You may get sick of me I intend to be on here a lot! So sick or waking up with steely determination only to have the other part of me talk my sober side into drinking all over again! So as soon as I get that urge I'm going to be straight on here posting. It's a really good week for me to stop as I'm on annual leave so it doesn't matter if I can't sleep. That's the thing that I hate the most - the sleeplessness. At least I can speak to people who aren't from the UK while the UK sleeps Dee!

Day one for me too. Welcome!

Welcome and keep reading.

Welcome. We'll make this a great day one!!!

Welcome!

Hi - or should I say bore da!
I'm in Cardiff too - I put London as thought people wouldn't know where it was!
Welcome - you've made a big step getting this far. I'm on day 7 and to me that is amazing!
I really resonate with your position - I have luckily had very few physical symptoms but it was always the justifying it psychologically that I did.
I don't have any real advice but PM me if you want to stay in touch/support etc.
X

Bore da - Maen braf heddiw!

I'm trying to keep busy and focus on keeping it a day at a time. I think I drank in the evenings just to tune out my energy levels and my whirring brain. I'm just going to have to use that energy now rather than blot it out with alcohol!

Well done being on day 7 - I hope in a week's time I'll be saying the same thing. Feel free to PM me too :-)

Welcome Vicky! :)

I'm on day 12 and I can tell from personal experience that seeing your doctor to help you incredibly useful. Especially if you've been a long-time heavy drinker. But I'd recommend it to anyone, can't hurt, will probably help.

I didn't contact a doctor until day 4 because I didn't know much about detoxing. Had I known then what I know now, I'd first visit my doctor before quitting.

It worked out in the end, but it would have been much better to sit down with my doc to begin with.

Btw, you said:

"I guess it's time to stop behaving like an adolescent (i'm 37 and have 3 children fgs!) and grow up a bit. I need to bring my future in close and get some impulse control. "

You have one of the things that make quitting easier: honesty. As well as a good insight into your current situation and where you want to go. Those will be wonderful and very useful resources for you.

Again, welcome!

Welcome Vicky, lots of great support and advice here. You have made a good choice posting! :)

Welcome, Vicky, to SR! Glad you found us! If you believe that you deserve a sober life without the shame and guilt and everything else that goes with addiction, you can have it. Believe that and believe in yourself. You really can do this.

Do you have a plan?

Welcome vicky.Another Brit here though a little further North :)

Thanks Freshstart - my plan at the moment is to keep busy - nothing really beyond that. Using this forum as another weapon for when I want to drink. I think I probably need to cultivate some hobbies as I know for sure I'll have a lot more time on my hands. Firstly there are the evenings - I don't want to carry on doing what I always do - watch episode after episode of whatever series I'm into as I'll just associate that with vino! Secondly there will be the sleepless nights which always appear when I initially quit - generally I lie there, but this time I plan to use the time. Thirdly there will be more time in the morning as I'm not spending an hour waking up over coffee. So - I'm going to be thankful for all this new time and use it to make my life more rewarding!

James872 - Thanks for the advice Re the docs - I did go to the doctor last summer and used a counselling facility (I don't drink enough for detox according to our NHS trust). I didn't find it helpful to be honest! Perhaps I'll go again if I have problems this time.

Hello to fellow Brit - Readyatlast!

Thank you all for your messages :)

VickyLou, your plan sounds very very good to me. You are creating in your mind a new you, one who now has time to do things which are important to her. I went back to old hobbies I had abandoned a long time ago in favour of drinking. May I suggest finding something that requires and contributes to a feeling of mastery? This is so good for the soul, and will go a long way to alleviate the feelings of helplessness and worthlessness that go along with addiction.

I think you are going to do well at this! I believe in you, VickyLou. Onward!

Welcome!