Am I going insane?
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Am I going insane?
Feeling somewhat delusional. What confuses me is that I can cognitively interpret that I am indeed delusional. But still, I remain in this state of mind. My ex broke up with me last Summer due to various problems primarily caused by my alcoholism. A couple of months after the break up I got sober and I have been sober ever sense. During the first few months of sobriety I was convinced that she would come back to me once I started to take productive action to combat my alcoholism. But even then, I knew that I was being delusional, but during that time I had early sobriety to justify my delusions. I figured that my mind was still in a state of co-dependence due to the sudden removal of alcohol from my daily consumption routine. Here is where it starts to get confusing. I have been sober for almost 9 months now and for the most part, I can live my life free from interruptions as long as I keep myself busy. But when I am in a state of relaxation, she pops in my head again. It is really starting to irritate me because it makes me kind of sad and I have to hurry up and initiate some sort of activity to detract my attention away from those feelings. Although I am beyond the shakes and the insane reasoning that comes with the DT’s, I still find myself thinking she will come back. My delusional indifference literally has me dreaming about this girl every time I go to sleep only to wake up to realize that she is not there. And I KNOW in my head that she is never coming back but I still indulge in those delusions and it is starting to become overwhelmingly stressful. Just felt like I should project these feelings and get some responses so that I don’t go completely insane.
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Hi TD,
I don't know that is being delusional as much as it is learning life's lessons. I have things I have difficulty letting go of too but I'm pretty heathy in most of my life.
For me, I have to learn the lesson beneath the situation before I can let it go. Until I do, it hangs around or keeps reappearing.
Great job on the staying sober!
I don't know that is being delusional as much as it is learning life's lessons. I have things I have difficulty letting go of too but I'm pretty heathy in most of my life.
For me, I have to learn the lesson beneath the situation before I can let it go. Until I do, it hangs around or keeps reappearing.
Great job on the staying sober!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Are you in any program or support group? Sometimes being dry is not enough and many people need a 12 step so you can work these type of feelings. Or a therapist? You are not dilusional at all, you just haven't got over her yet. I have been there as well.
I hope you get the help you need. You should be sober for yourself and not in the hopes that she will return, that can be dangerous for your recovery.
I hope you get the help you need. You should be sober for yourself and not in the hopes that she will return, that can be dangerous for your recovery.
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Just because I/we stop drinking there is repair work often needed, after all we weren’t indulging in health drinks by any stretch of the imagination. Many seek outside help to continue on a path to sobriety and a good life, others languish just being dry. This being sober isn’t just not drinking, it is a process of personal growth which scares many not used to it and involves work. Good luck.
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Originally Posted by Silvy69 
I hope you get the help you need. You should be sober for yourself and not in the hopes that she will return, that can be dangerous for your recovery.
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Originally Posted by Silvy69
Are you in any program or support group? Sometimes being dry is not enough and many people need a 12 step so you can work these type of feelings. Or a therapist? You are not dilusional at all, you just haven't got over her yet. I have been there as well.
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Just to clarify, I am not white knuckling my sobriety. I work the program and I understand that drinking was merely a symptom. I feel that people are misinterpreting the way I described my feelings.
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Typical, you are not insane just human. I do not think those particular thoughts have as much to do with your alcoholism as they do the human heart. Sure, your drinking may have contributed to the break up but still thinking of her is normal. Losing someone you truly love, for any reason, takes years to get over. My daughter's first love broke up with her nearly three years ago and I know she still thinks/wishes/hopes etc. and she never drinks (how is she my child? LOL). Healing a broken heart takes time and it sounds like you are handling the thoughts as well as can be expected. You are just as normal as the rest of us which probably isn't saying much 
Last edited by LuLu13; 08-25-2013 at 11:51 AM. Reason: PAWS
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Originally Posted by Eleni58
You are still in love. You can't just shut feelings on and off like a water faucet.
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Originally Posted by LuLu13
Typical, you are not insane just human. I do not think those particular thoughts have as much to do with your alcoholism as they do the human heart.
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Sorry but written words can be interpreted in many ways.. So glad you have a program and that you are not just dry. You have a broken heart and there is no time limit to get over it. My last broken heart took me 5 years to get over, I didn't even want to look at men. But it did get easier though and eventually I was healed. Hang in there. And may I suggest that you do not label yourself as dilusional 
.
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Originally Posted by Silvy69
Sorry but written words can be interpreted in many ways.. So glad you have a program and that you are not just dry. You have a broken heart and there is no time limit to get over it. My last broken heart took me 5 years to get over, I didn't even want to look at men. But it did get easier though and eventually I was healed. Hang in there. And may I suggest that you do not label yourself as dilusional .
.When the delusions cease to exist, I will stop labeling myself as such lol. Who knows, I may be delusional for the next 5 years judging by everybody's responses. All jokes aside, this isn't my first broken heart it is the second. I don't remember the first one being so persistent and irritating.
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I’m not saying the following is helpful or not, just what I’ve experienced. First you might want to read your post again as something you wrote MAY pop out and draw your attention to something that’s not been in focus. I’ve been in AA many years and very active as well. Chaired hundreds of meetings, spoke at many groups etc. It was not unusual for me or others to tell our stories, that hopefully don’t change in general, and afterwards wonder why we said this or that. This was usually something we totally forgot and was perhaps a clue that got us on that slippery slide years ago. Often it was a resentment against someone or something that we were carrying. Good luck.
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Sorry bro - and same here. And I know she's not coming back. What kills me is facebook - we're not friends on there, but she still keeps in touch with mutual folks and every once in a while her photo will show up in a group shot, or a comment. She looks good now, too. Or at least I think she does - I immediately close the website every time I see her name.
I'd trade every good memory for a blank slate. Every laugh we shared, every fun moment - I'd trade it all in exchange for never meeting her in the first place.
Don't worry, as time goes by you'll think about it less and less. What comforts me is that I used to feel the same way about a different ex girlfriend. That eventually passed, and it will for you too. Some of us just mourn differently. So what if it's taking you more time? Keep working on yourself, keep progressing and getting healthy. Remember, you can only control your own actions, stay focused on those!
I'd trade every good memory for a blank slate. Every laugh we shared, every fun moment - I'd trade it all in exchange for never meeting her in the first place.
Don't worry, as time goes by you'll think about it less and less. What comforts me is that I used to feel the same way about a different ex girlfriend. That eventually passed, and it will for you too. Some of us just mourn differently. So what if it's taking you more time? Keep working on yourself, keep progressing and getting healthy. Remember, you can only control your own actions, stay focused on those!
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Originally Posted by IOAA2
I’m not saying the following is helpful or not, just what I’ve experienced. First you might want to read your post again as something you wrote MAY pop out and draw your attention to something that’s not been in focus. I’ve been in AA many years and very active as well. Chaired hundreds of meetings, spoke at many groups etc. It was not unusual for me or others to tell our stories, that hopefully don’t change in general, and afterwards wonder why we said this or that. This was usually something we totally forgot and was perhaps a clue that got us on that slippery slide years ago. Often it was a resentment against someone or something that we were carrying. Good luck.
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