Am I going insane?
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Originally Posted by bigsombrero 
Sorry bro - and same here. And I know she's not coming back. What kills me is facebook - we're not friends on there, but she still keeps in touch with mutual folks and every once in a while her photo will show up in a group shot, or a comment. She looks good now, too. Or at least I think she does - I immediately close the website every time I see her name.
I'd trade every good memory for a blank slate. Every laugh we shared, every fun moment - I'd trade it all in exchange for never meeting her in the first place.
Don't worry, as time goes by you'll think about it less and less. What comforts me is that I used to feel the same way about a different ex girlfriend. That eventually passed, and it will for you too. Some of us just mourn differently. So what if it's taking you more time? Keep working on yourself, keep progressing and getting healthy. Remember, you can only control your own actions, stay focused on those!
I'd trade every good memory for a blank slate. Every laugh we shared, every fun moment - I'd trade it all in exchange for never meeting her in the first place.
Don't worry, as time goes by you'll think about it less and less. What comforts me is that I used to feel the same way about a different ex girlfriend. That eventually passed, and it will for you too. Some of us just mourn differently. So what if it's taking you more time? Keep working on yourself, keep progressing and getting healthy. Remember, you can only control your own actions, stay focused on those!
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Bigsombrero, facebook is the devil when it comes to broken relationships. My d still "stalks" her ex occasionally and has found he is in a relationship. She always says he looks so happy and I respond with "very few people post pictures of fights and bad times." Her other comment is always how pretty his new gf is, I always tell my d she is prettier (not prejudice, she is), drives me crazy. It was easier back in the day when all we could do is wonder, being old has its advantages!
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Originally Posted by TypicalDrunk
Thanks for the reply, I am kind of confused as to what it means. Can you clarify please?
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Originally Posted by IOAA2
All I'm saying is that often there are things of the past, maybe childhood fears to fear of being alone or abandonment, many individual items that pop up suddenly and may be a clue if we are going through a bad period. For instance after over 30 years of being sober I don’t know how I never remembered the fear phrase my mother used in just about every sentence: WHAT IF! Totally fear based which for a child still crawling and into adulthood governing their thinking is immense seeing that alcoholism is based so much on fear feelings and avoidance.
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It will pass. It just takes time. Maybe it didn't seem as bad with your other gf as you were drunk after the relationship ended. It will pass,just feels like it never will whilst you're going through it. Congrats on your 9 months sober btw 
You're doing great
You're doing great
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Originally Posted by TypicalDrunk
I understand that I can't just shut my feelings off but these feelings are counter productive and one sided.
The longer you carry on this internal battle, the longer you will carry your heartache. Stop hating your feelings so much, and they'll gradually stop hurting you.
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Originally Posted by TypicalDrunk
Feeling somewhat delusional. What confuses me is that I can cognitively interpret that I am indeed delusional. But still, I remain in this state of mind. My ex broke up with me last Summer due to various problems primarily caused by my alcoholism. A couple of months after the break up I got sober and I have been sober ever sense. During the first few months of sobriety I was convinced that she would come back to me once I started to take productive action to combat my alcoholism. But even then, I knew that I was being delusional, but during that time I had early sobriety to justify my delusions. I figured that my mind was still in a state of co-dependence due to the sudden removal of alcohol from my daily consumption routine. Here is where it starts to get confusing. I have been sober for almost 9 months now and for the most part, I can live my life free from interruptions as long as I keep myself busy. But when I am in a state of relaxation, she pops in my head again. It is really starting to irritate me because it makes me kind of sad and I have to hurry up and initiate some sort of activity to detract my attention away from those feelings. Although I am beyond the shakes and the insane reasoning that comes with the DT’s, I still find myself thinking she will come back. My delusional indifference literally has me dreaming about this girl every time I go to sleep only to wake up to realize that she is not there. And I KNOW in my head that she is never coming back but I still indulge in those delusions and it is starting to become overwhelmingly stressful. Just felt like I should project these feelings and get some responses so that I don’t go completely insane.
Someone once told me that if you are worried you are going insane, then you arent, because insane people have no idea they are crazy. That sentence has provided me comfort at times, because I know exactly what you are describing. I am at 2 years and 3 months sober, and I recently went off over the counter sleep aids I had been using for 5 years. I am in PAWS again, I know it. I have anxiety, I am cranky, and I cant remember simple things. Its driving me crazy, but I know what it is. I cant believe sleep aid withdrawal could put me back into PAWS. Even typing something as simple as this, is proving to be a task. This sucks! hang in there.
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Nah, that is normal. I did that with the ex before I even started to drink alcoholically or use any types of mind altering substances regularly. Looking back I understand now-he was my drug! I didn't get it until recently, but now that I'm in a healthy relationship I understand so much more about how my addict/alcoholics brain works. It's a messed up place in there!
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TD - Congrats on 9 months.
Sometimes our mind gets well established pathways so that a thought automatically follows a trigger in an auto generated sequence, which can result in looping thoughts. Is this the type of thing that you're experiencing?
Talking to someone often can help speed up the healing process.
Sometimes our mind gets well established pathways so that a thought automatically follows a trigger in an auto generated sequence, which can result in looping thoughts. Is this the type of thing that you're experiencing?
Talking to someone often can help speed up the healing process.
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
It will pass. It just takes time. Maybe it didn't seem as bad with your other gf as you were drunk after the relationship ended.
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Originally Posted by Nighthawk8820
Someone once told me that if you are worried you are going insane, then you arent, because insane people have no idea they are crazy. That sentence has provided me comfort at times, because I know exactly what you are describing. I am at 2 years and 3 months sober, and I recently went off over the counter sleep aids I had been using for 5 years. I am in PAWS again, I know it. I have anxiety, I am cranky, and I cant remember simple things. Its driving me crazy, but I know what it is. I cant believe sleep aid withdrawal could put me back into PAWS. Even typing something as simple as this, is proving to be a task. This sucks! hang in there.
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Originally Posted by SereneEdition
TD - Congrats on 9 months.
Sometimes our mind gets well established pathways so that a thought automatically follows a trigger in an auto generated sequence, which can result in looping thoughts. Is this the type of thing that you're experiencing?
Talking to someone often can help speed up the healing process.
Sometimes our mind gets well established pathways so that a thought automatically follows a trigger in an auto generated sequence, which can result in looping thoughts. Is this the type of thing that you're experiencing?
Talking to someone often can help speed up the healing process.
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I'm an obsessional guy - I obsessed about alcohol and drugs, and TV shows and songs and bands and whatever else...
and sometimes I obsessed about people too....or more precisely I obsessed about relationships and how things could have been.
I think learning to accept the past for what it is is a major recovery rite of passage most of us have to face TD - I don't think you're delusional or abnormal at all
D
and sometimes I obsessed about people too....or more precisely I obsessed about relationships and how things could have been.
I think learning to accept the past for what it is is a major recovery rite of passage most of us have to face TD - I don't think you're delusional or abnormal at all
D
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I was reminded of this thread while I was watching an older, British TV series this evening. It's set in Luxembourg during WWII. Most people probably know that most European countries had divided allegiances during the war, some more than others. As was/is true of many European countries, there were several British citizens living in Luxembourg at the time.
And old English couple who'd been living there for years was helping shot-down RAF flyers to escape the Nazi-occupied country. At least the husband and their niece were helping. The wife was left in the dark to protect everyone's safety. She frequently complained about all the "secrecy" in their home since the war started, and longed for things to go back to the way they were before the war.
My favorite takeaway line from her, and the one that reminded me of this thread: "Why does everything have to change because of the war?"
And old English couple who'd been living there for years was helping shot-down RAF flyers to escape the Nazi-occupied country. At least the husband and their niece were helping. The wife was left in the dark to protect everyone's safety. She frequently complained about all the "secrecy" in their home since the war started, and longed for things to go back to the way they were before the war.
My favorite takeaway line from her, and the one that reminded me of this thread: "Why does everything have to change because of the war?"
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
I was reminded of this thread while I was watching an older, British TV series this evening. It's set in Luxembourg during WWII. Most people probably know that most European countries had divided allegiances during the war, some more than others. As was/is true of many European countries, there were several British citizens living in Luxembourg at the time.
And old English couple who'd been living there for years was helping shot-down RAF flyers to escape the Nazi-occupied country. At least the husband and their niece were helping. The wife was left in the dark to protect everyone's safety. She frequently complained about all the "secrecy" in their home since the war started, and longed for things to go back to the way they were before the war.
My favorite takeaway line from her, and the one that reminded me of this thread: "Why does everything have to change because of the war?"
And old English couple who'd been living there for years was helping shot-down RAF flyers to escape the Nazi-occupied country. At least the husband and their niece were helping. The wife was left in the dark to protect everyone's safety. She frequently complained about all the "secrecy" in their home since the war started, and longed for things to go back to the way they were before the war.
My favorite takeaway line from her, and the one that reminded me of this thread: "Why does everything have to change because of the war?"
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I was with a guy for a couple of years and it took a year being broken up with him before i was finally over him and that's before i started drinking! Are you insane? No. Your in love and in denial. Give yourself time.
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Originally Posted by TypicalDrunk
I think I understand why that would apply to this thread. To clarify, why do you think that it applies ?
And I don't know that I have a comprehensive answer that will satisfy you. When the line I referenced was delivered in the show, I didn't know why, but it immediately reminded me of this thread. It then reminded me of a lot of other things, but this thread was prominent among the many associations I was making.
The woman in the scene knew intellectually that WWII was happening all around her, yet her heart did not accept this in the same way as her thinking did. Many people know that denial, a very powerful defense mechanism, kicks in when we're under extreme stress and particularly when facing the annihilation of our way of being. The reality of war was simply too powerful for her to accept so, in order to avoid annihilation anxiety, she minimized the extent of the trauma, questioning why her world had to change, "just because" thousands of people within driving distance -- some of them friends, neighbors and relatives -- were being ruthlessly tortured and killed.
This kind of thinking, I believe, is parallel to what you described as "delusional thinking" in your original comment, which I included below.
Our minds are built to protect ourselves from overwhelming loss, dramatic changes, and intense trauma. To take in all the brutality in life and, and on a lesser scale, the pain and suffering we experience in our own lives, in an immediate way would cause potentially permanent damage to our pscyhes. We see this in PTSD all the time, when the limits of our built-in protectors are pushed beyond their abilities to shield us from the pain.
Just as you "still indulge in those delusions and it is starting to become overwhelmingly stressful," the woman in the show would likely eventually buckle under the stress and strain of keeping up her own delusions. (I only watched the first episode of the twelve-part series, so I can't know how the writers dealt with this in the show.)
I'm not saying that you're delusional; what I'm saying is that you're reacting to a difficult situation in a natural way.
Originally Posted by TypicalDrunk
Feeling somewhat delusional. What confuses me is that I can cognitively interpret that I am indeed delusional. But still, I remain in this state of mind. My ex broke up with me last Summer due to various problems primarily caused by my alcoholism. A couple of months after the break up I got sober and I have been sober ever sense. During the first few months of sobriety I was convinced that she would come back to me once I started to take productive action to combat my alcoholism. But even then, I knew that I was being delusional, but during that time I had early sobriety to justify my delusions. I figured that my mind was still in a state of co-dependence due to the sudden removal of alcohol from my daily consumption routine. Here is where it starts to get confusing. I have been sober for almost 9 months now and for the most part, I can live my life free from interruptions as long as I keep myself busy. But when I am in a state of relaxation, she pops in my head again. It is really starting to irritate me because it makes me kind of sad and I have to hurry up and initiate some sort of activity to detract my attention away from those feelings. Although I am beyond the shakes and the insane reasoning that comes with the DT’s, I still find myself thinking she will come back. My delusional indifference literally has me dreaming about this girl every time I go to sleep only to wake up to realize that she is not there. And I KNOW in my head that she is never coming back but I still indulge in those delusions and it is starting to become overwhelmingly stressful. Just felt like I should project these feelings and get some responses so that I don’t go completely insane.
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
That's a great question, TD.
And I don't know that I have a comprehensive answer that will satisfy you. When the line I referenced was delivered in the show, I didn't know why, but it immediately reminded me of this thread. It then reminded me of a lot of other things, but this thread was prominent among the many associations I was making.
The woman in the scene knew intellectually that WWII was happening all around her, yet her heart did not accept this in the same way as her thinking did. Many people know that denial, a very powerful defense mechanism, kicks in when we're under extreme stress and particularly when facing the annihilation of our way of being. The reality of war was simply too powerful for her to accept so, in order to avoid annihilation anxiety, she minimized the extent of the trauma, questioning why her world had to change, "just because" thousands of people within driving distance -- some of them friends, neighbors and relatives -- were being ruthlessly tortured and killed.
This kind of thinking, I believe, is parallel to what you described as "delusional thinking" in your original comment, which I included below.
Our minds are built to protect ourselves from overwhelming loss, dramatic changes, and intense trauma. To take in all the brutality in life and, and on a lesser scale, the pain and suffering we experience in our own lives, in an immediate way would cause potentially permanent damage to our pscyhes. We see this in PTSD all the time, when the limits of our built-in protectors are pushed beyond their abilities to shield us from the pain.
Just as you "still indulge in those delusions and it is starting to become overwhelmingly stressful," the woman in the show would likely eventually buckle under the stress and strain of keeping up her own delusions. (I only watched the first episode of the twelve-part series, so I can't know how the writers dealt with this in the show.)
I'm not saying that you're delusional; what I'm saying is that you're reacting to a difficult situation in a natural way.
And I don't know that I have a comprehensive answer that will satisfy you. When the line I referenced was delivered in the show, I didn't know why, but it immediately reminded me of this thread. It then reminded me of a lot of other things, but this thread was prominent among the many associations I was making.
The woman in the scene knew intellectually that WWII was happening all around her, yet her heart did not accept this in the same way as her thinking did. Many people know that denial, a very powerful defense mechanism, kicks in when we're under extreme stress and particularly when facing the annihilation of our way of being. The reality of war was simply too powerful for her to accept so, in order to avoid annihilation anxiety, she minimized the extent of the trauma, questioning why her world had to change, "just because" thousands of people within driving distance -- some of them friends, neighbors and relatives -- were being ruthlessly tortured and killed.
This kind of thinking, I believe, is parallel to what you described as "delusional thinking" in your original comment, which I included below.
Our minds are built to protect ourselves from overwhelming loss, dramatic changes, and intense trauma. To take in all the brutality in life and, and on a lesser scale, the pain and suffering we experience in our own lives, in an immediate way would cause potentially permanent damage to our pscyhes. We see this in PTSD all the time, when the limits of our built-in protectors are pushed beyond their abilities to shield us from the pain.
Just as you "still indulge in those delusions and it is starting to become overwhelmingly stressful," the woman in the show would likely eventually buckle under the stress and strain of keeping up her own delusions. (I only watched the first episode of the twelve-part series, so I can't know how the writers dealt with this in the show.)
I'm not saying that you're delusional; what I'm saying is that you're reacting to a difficult situation in a natural way.
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