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How I ended up here.

Old 08-24-2013, 05:42 PM
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How I ended up here.

Hi, I been lurking on this site for a many months and have decided to take the plunge and join up.

My story is this, I come from a family of Alcoholics, father used to take me to the pub with him at the weekend when I was just a kid, he would sit and drink & smoke, I would play darts, drink Coke and every now and then take sips of his beer while he wasn't looking, thinking It was cool, listening to all the adult conversations, thinking I was more grown up than what I really was.

Pub culture was a big part of me, my teens and twenties were just a drunken blurs. Problems really started taking hold in my Thirty's, I would out-drink all my friends when ever i got invited out to social events with them, nothing to be proud of, drink all day and night on the weekends & holidays, have terrible blackouts, missing work because of hangovers, fights and violence would usually occur because of my big mouth when I drank, I really thought I could take on the world. I was becoming, or had become a 36 yr. old lager lout.

The Nail hit home at Christmas, I was drunk for about 7 or 8 days running, hardly eaten a thing, I was a complete mess, I can relate to every word people have said about Alcohol withdrawal, I suffered badly the first week not drinking. I couldn't recall a time in my life where I had a gap of more than a few days none drinking.

Alan Carrs book got me thro it, it probably saved me from myself and made me realise the extent of my addiction. Also this site has helped too, knowing that there are other people exactly like me going through the same thing.

I stopped Drinking Alcohol just before NYE, did really well, until I relapsed over the bank holiday weekend in April. Foolishly I thought I could just have the odd one or two, but you know the story, its never is just a few, I was worse than ever before. Anyway I've been on the wagon 4 months now & have never been happier, i still get the paws symptoms but they get better every day. My family are a constant worry, I see things now I never saw before, how alcohol has gripped them like it had with me. I suffer from terrible shame of the things I have done & said, I really wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life with Alcohol.


Thanks for listening to a my story.
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Old 08-24-2013, 05:48 PM
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Welcome Rascals!!! Congrats on your sobriety...you seem to be doing well. I quit at the end if April too...am so much happier, but I too still get haunted by my drinking past.

Glad you have been lurking, and kudos on posting...I find it really helps!
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Old 08-24-2013, 05:50 PM
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Thanks for sharing and the great intro. Looking forward to seeing you around the boards!
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Old 08-24-2013, 05:51 PM
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Welcome,

The shame and guilt are often very difficult to overcome. I hope you can learn to forgive yourself and to continue to move forward with your recovery.
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Old 08-24-2013, 06:56 PM
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Welcome to SR. Alcoholism is progressive and I have a lot of alcoholics on both sides of my family, so mine got bad right off the bat for me. I am on day 7 and exercise helps me a lot.
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Old 08-24-2013, 07:19 PM
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Welcome Rascals! Great job on your 4 months sober. It's wonderful to hear how good you're feeling - I love your attitude.

I wish I'd been in my 30's when I quit. Some of us are slow learners. Your bad days can be just a dim memory - I hope you won't allow yourself to dwell on the things you can't change. Be happy with the great life you have in front of you now. You are right - it's never 'just a few'. My few always led to the whole bottle. Then another bottle. We know better now! There's no stopping us. Glad to have you with us.
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Old 08-24-2013, 07:27 PM
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I relate to your story, parents used to take me into bars as a kid also. I grew up thinking it was a cool thing rich old successful people do. Then I became an alcoholic and have come to realize if I don't quit, I won't be rich, successful or old.
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Old 08-24-2013, 07:29 PM
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Glad u r here!
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Old 08-24-2013, 07:36 PM
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Glad that you're here!
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Old 08-24-2013, 08:16 PM
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welcome to the group!

yeah, the last half of my 20s are such a blur. more than once, i blacked out for an entire day. that was scary but it didn't stop me. even going through severe withdrawals up to and including having a seizure didn't stop me. nothing outside of me stopped me. i finally just got so torn apart mentally, physically and emotionally that i feel like i died and was reborn. i went through withdrawals that time and i've never had severe withdrawals since. i had a relapse of about 3 months or so but when i got back on the wagon i wasn't drinking much. but it was enough.

i too have a lot of shame associated with my past. i too worry about my family, though none of them that i'm close too have my problem. still, there are health issues that scare me and i miss them and i'm so very far away. it's difficult. what gets me through the shame of my past is knowing that i never have to be that person ever again. i can't erase the past but i can direct my present to make a better future. if i keep doing well and making myself happy and fulfilled, people will think of me as "Lisa, the woman who recovered from alcohol" instead of "Lisa, the alcoholic." i'm an AAer and we have a step where we make amends for our past. it's not the first step or the third or the fifth....it's all the way back at Step 9!! it takes some time and some reflection and some work before you're in any state to make amends. even when you make them, you may not always be forgiven by that person. that's okay. the amends are not for them. they are for you and if you've made the effort, you can at least forgive yourself.

"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you -- until then." (pg. 164 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous)

"Clear away the wreckage of your past." sounds wonderful, doesn't it? it's okay to feel shame about your past but as long as you let that emotion pass and don't beat yourself up over it, you're going to be okay. live in the present to make a better future. again, welcome to SR. it's good to have you here.
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Old 08-24-2013, 10:07 PM
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Hi Rascals and thanks for sharing your story. I agree with you about wishing I hadn't wasted so much time.
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Old 08-25-2013, 12:26 AM
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Regrets..........I've had a few.

We can only live for now and serve as an example to others.

Now I am sober I can let loose safely
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Old 08-25-2013, 01:00 AM
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Hey rascals,,
Thanks for sharing your story. Lager lout,, now there's a term I haven't heard in a while but would have always fitted into that category myself. Well done on your four months of sober time and welcome to SR. I wish you well as you move forward.
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Old 08-25-2013, 01:12 AM
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Hi Rascals

Welcome to our family.
As well as people from all over the world, there are lots of us here from the UK.

Its bank holiday weekend here in the UK.
I know for me that used to signal nonstop drinking from friday night to monday night.
Then I felt like death on the tuesday and until the next weekend.

I know you say you wish you had no wasted so much of your life on alcohol and have many regrets, but you are still young enough to turn it around.

Some people don't get it until they are in their 50's or 60's.
Some people never get it.

I hope you keep coming here.

I wish you the best xxxx
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Old 08-25-2013, 01:41 AM
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Yes bank holiday weekends have always been a problem. It seems everyone (correction, I should say my friends and I) would view bank holiday weekends as an extra day to get hammered over the weekend. I'm really enjoying this bank holiday weekend as I'm not drinking. This brings a whole new perspective to things and opens up so many possibilities. Rather than nursing a hangover this morning, I'm up early enjoying the quiet morning with peace of mind. When I do think about drinking I often think about quiet peaceful times on Saturday or Sunday mornings when I haven't drunk the night before....this helps me resist that urge to drink.
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