Let’s try again…I think

Old 08-24-2013, 08:30 AM
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Let’s try again…I think

Nevermind excuses, I resumed my wine intake. The problem is…it wasn’t a problem. I did not have hangovers; I did not drink during the day. I did not miss work. When I went on business trips, I would have only one social glass of wine per evening. I never had ANYTHING to drink if I was driving. I controlled myself in all social situations. I have almost convinced myself that I can be normal.

But I know that alcoholism is progressive, runs in families, and my dad died from it. I know that I think about my drinking more than the average Joe. I have to focus on controlling it more than the average Joe. I prefer to have wine before bed every evening and that can’t be right. I don’t know if the progression of this has a line that you cross…but I don’t want to cross it.
I have glanced at my old posts. Clearly I think I need to do this and it is not easy.

So here I am, on another day 3. I don’t have a plan Dee…just trying to wrap my head around it.
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Old 08-24-2013, 09:38 AM
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Glad you're giving it another go.
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Old 08-24-2013, 11:02 AM
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I was the same as you.
I still am the same as you as in I have to be very, very controlled. Especially with family, especially with work.

For me though, I don't even have the one.
Thats home, work, family, during the day, during the evening, during the week, during the weekend.

Not on single one.

I found if I did not drink at work events, the minute I got home, I would drink myself silly, so the next day I still felt as bad.

If I did not drink during the week, I would wish the week away, then go totally over the top on the weekend and still end up feeling bad.

I also felt like I was keeping some dirty little secret by presenting myself as a sober, controlled drinker who could take it or leave it, when in fact I really knew the truth was somewhat very different. In private I was a lush.

For me the following phrase could sum up most of my drinking career.

'I have often regretted drinking. I have never, ever regretted not drinking once'.

It is so true, there are many, many times I wished I could urn the clock back and had decided to drive or not drink.

I also found that having one, was like playing russian roulette.
I remember one incident, where I one, then someone talked me into another and the next thing I remember was waking up after being put to bed after a blackout and waking up in the morning.

I have had to learn the hard way that it is not the 8th drink or 9th drink that gets me drunk, its the 1st one.
If I keep away from the 1st drink, there is no way I can get drunk.

I wish you the best xxxx
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Old 08-24-2013, 01:23 PM
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I'm glad you wanted to talk about it Benice. You are wise to be vigilant, knowing where it will likely lead.
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Old 08-24-2013, 02:55 PM
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welcome back benice

I'm starting to think people see my plan question as some kind of gauntlet to run when they come back to SR LOL. think about that dreaded plan - I ask the question with good reason....

if your lifes like mine was, it's pretty much stacked with chances and opportunities to drink...

if you don't have a plan you'll just drift aimlessly into situations of opportunity...when that happens it's really easy to revert to the default.

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Old 08-24-2013, 04:20 PM
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Thanks for the comments. And Dee, i completely agree with you! I think that's why I even mentioned it in my post...I know I need a plan. I'm working on it...
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Old 08-24-2013, 04:27 PM
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Yes, there is a line, for sure. And, when you cross it, there is no going back. The tricky thing is that you don't see it coming. You don't know you've crossed it until it's too late.

I'm glad you're back and working on recovery.
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Old 08-24-2013, 05:06 PM
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Giving up drinking freed up so much mental space and emotional energy. There is now more time to focus on other stuff. Even if moderation was possible for me in the longer term- it is just hard work - and ultimately not worth the effort, given that I can never feel "satisfied" when I drink.

I have found not drinking gives me a sense of freedom that I never had during my long drinking career
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