BSSHL

I compressed a nerve in my back this time last year. I refused the OC the doctors kept pushing- except for when I went to the ER for the pain. The pain led to drinking...my family has a history so I always stayed away but then I felt it was the only way to cope.

I became a fairly high functioning alcoholic by the time the pain started to fade.
I never needed to drink in the morning but every night I would rely on drink to carry me through the rest of my day. The consumption became heavy to say the least and at certain points I would find myself downing whole bottles of whiskey in a night only to wake up to a hang over on the edge of a full on convulsion.

My diet suffered, my body, my job, welfare of my house and pets. Finally I committed to myself and stopped. Though it felt great I went on a date last night and just ordered a beer with the meal......mostly because I wanted to see if I could be 'normal'. I drank it. Just like that the switch in my brain lit up and all I wanted to do was drink.

I didn't drink anymore even though I immediately wanted to.

So now I know-
There is no 'normal' for me.
There is no going back.

For the past two months I have hyper focused my energy on my work both professional and personal but I still feel a grey cloud hovering over me at all times.....Sometimes its guilt, sometimes its the friends I have lost....but most of the time it's just this malaise of realizing there are no more excuses for not being the person I want to be-

That said-
How did you guys deal with the initial feelings of depression?
How long should I expect this bummed feeling to last?

I appreciate any advice you may have- thnx

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I think it's often very difficult to deal with the guilt and the losses, opportunities passed by. And, yes, it was hard to accept that I was responsible for myself and my happiness.

I think many people find that the depression, if caused by alcohol, lifts after a few months. For me, my depression began years before I started drinking, so I needed to get properly diagnosed and treated. I have used anti-depressants which for me, level the playing field.

I hope you feel better soon.

least

The depression will go away with time. And if it doesn't, see your doctor or a therapist. I too have no 'off' switch. I can't drink socially, I drink to get drunk. So glad I don't have to live like that anymore.