lostgirl83

Hi all. I am 30 years old with 2 beautiful children. I have a cocaine addiction that has completely spiraled out of control. I use to do it socially but now prefer to do it alone. I get no actual buzz from it at all but once I have thought of it i have to do it. I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown although no one how bad I have become. Every night I go to bed i promise myself its the last time I do it but have no will power. I am at a loss and fee so alone. I don't deserve the family i have and know that they deserve a betting mum then me. I hope by joining that I can finally find the strength to stop for good . xx

Dee74

Hi and welcome lostgirl

I know you'll find a lot of support here.
First thing I would do would be delete and block your dealers number.

D

lostgirl83

Thanks D. Have done that a few times but always manage to get them back again. Worst bit is that one lives round the corner from me. Seriously need to find the strength to stop now as I know it's gone to far. Can't believe that I have become this person.

least

to a loving supportive place.

Pamel

lostgirl, so many of us feel alone. We are not. It is a condition of our lives, not an end. Hang in there.

resolute50

Welcome to SR.

Second thing is:

You do deserve the family you have. And reaching out shows that you want to be a better mum. It's going to take a lot of work on your part to change.
But, I can tell by your post that you are determined.

Dee74

My drugs were different, but in my experience there's always a dealer around the corner....

Maybe more support will be the key?

D

Bubovski

Sincere good wishes.
Cocaine was never my drug,but I am sure you will receive sound advice here.

soberclover

Cocaine is evil stuff.....having travelled your journey I do hope you continue to do whatever you need to do to not use again. Cocaine withdrawal is psychological vs. physical. Keep yourself busy....like checking on here often for support! Your kids need you...the real you...not a coked out Mum. Do they have NA (Narcotics Anonymous) there? That was key as far as support for me. You can do this!!!!!!!!!!

lostgirl83

Good morning guy's. Thank you all so much for comments . It's really made feel better. I have woken up with a good feeling- haven't had that for a while! I actually feel determined and positive about this now and it's thanks to you all that i have this feeling. I have deleted various numbers from my phone and am ready to change my life. Let's hope it lasts! Xxxxxx

Dee74

have a great day lostgirl

D

lostgirl83

Thank you dee. You too. Xxx