Batman1964

New to this forum. Found it while searching for help. Law enforcement tends to force one to hide your demons. I'm a heavy drinker. I can't go to AA, some of my "clients" are in there by court order. I can't turn to support through work (there is no anonymity there). It forces one to suffer in silence. I drank last night. I drank to much. It was my last day of vacation. I go to work tomorrow. I want to be sober tonight. I know I want to be sober tomorrow. But today is "now". I have to worry about tomorrow when it comes. The stress of family, children and work can feel daunting. This whole thing just feels very lonely. My wife drinks, but very little. I just don't know where to turn.

Lightning Bug

That does sound hard to deal with. You can be anonymous on here though!

WELCOME!

soberjim

Batman...you found SR that is great.There are several threads here which you will find helpful and supportive..When I first joined I found just reading through others journies and struggles to be helpful. So many people like me...Some movig forward with there lives after deciding alcohol has no place in their life anymore and some, like myself struggle with their AV (addictive voice) always trying convincing you that alcohol is important to you and you really need it...going and back and forth only to prolong the misery..

For me..I have an older brother who no longer struggles with his alcoholism...He has quite simply giving into his demons and it is sad to see his dimise...his slide into what will surely be hell...I WILL not subject myself to that..what a horrible way to live..

There will be others along with advice and support...Keep posting....

Jim

Carlotta

to SR Batman.
Check out this link Law Enforcement Alcoholics Anonymous
(Law Enforcement Alcoholics Anonymous) and also that one Alcoholics Anonymous : Information For Professionals
You will find also a lot of support here on SR. I would suggest you join the class of August so you can have support of your peers who quit at the same time
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-24.html
I also hope that you will join us at the 24 hours club where we pledge not to drink or use just for today. Deeker does a wonderful job facilitating it and it is a nice positive way to hold ourselves accountable http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-join-us.html
You are not alone anymore.

soberhawk

Welcome.

I think it can be done without AA and there are a lot of good resources here.

I have only be doing this for a couple of weeks and I am not attending any group besides this forum.

There is a thread where you can sign in every day - helps me at least to remember what I should be focusing on.

Having children, better to stop this sooner than later.

I hope you succeed.

IOAA2

Welcome and hang on. You perhaps will hear/see things you don’t want to as was my case until I got honest with myself. I found the most important thing I could do was get sober for MYSELF or all bets are off. Harsh? Yep! To me if going to AA meant negative comments/thoughts from others, I’ll pass commenting. This disease is always looking for a soft easy way out which results in continued drinking until we have no choices. Look up wet brain and so many other parts of the body this toxic product affects or has affected. It’s not a pleasant picture, but is fixable simply by NOT drinking. There’s a lot of help if you absorb what’s on these pages and at AA flesh meetings where people understand us.

Carlotta

PS: There also are AA meetings online where you don t have to go on cam and just can watch. Google "In The Rooms"

Batman1964

Thank you. I did glance at some of the other postings. I did a search for support groups for law enforcement. Didn't find any. Just lots of negative things about cops and booze. Like we aren't allowed to be human. My family gets tired of the comments about cops. Tough to be cops family. I don't go out to bars. I drink at home. I drink when we go to our boat. Its a small community so I have to be careful what and where I do things. I just want to be better.

Carlotta

Batman, no one will diss you for your profession in AA. You don't have to disclose what you do for a living either. At the beginning all you have to say is Hi, I m so and so and I am here to listen.
If you cannot hook up with a law enforcement private group I would suggest you look up big book or steps meetings. From personal experience I know that people with slips avoid them and the people who go to those are much more likely to be in the solution.
So breathe, no one will judge you. In the rooms of AA you are just another alcoholic in recovery.

IOAA2

It's interesting that at my noon meeting of about 45 people there were 4 policemen there that I knew. As far as I can remember that group wasn't known as easy drinkers. Something to consider is that from a very early age children learn by observation.

ACT10Npack

Do you have family and/or that can help you? They can be good supporters with this.

Batman1964

No family close by that could help. Everyone is a "social" drinker. I've gone a day or two without having a drink. I don't get drunk everyday, but I drink nearly everyday and get intoxicated more often then not. When I was in the military years ago, I would have to go weeks sometimes without a drink. The first week was probably the hardest and all I could think about was when I was going to get to drink. I did 11 years on active duty, then 10 more in the reserves. I retired in 2010. The environment enabled drinking. I've been a cop now for over 18yrs and its been tough.

I just don't feel like I'm in control of my drinking. Its in control of me. I drink more now then ever. We are now "empty nesters" and it seems I drink just that more.

MTD

Two weeks sober and no AA. I have had great encouragement and understanding on Sr. It has helped me to get this far. Now I am ready to take the next step and will be starting outpatient treatment. Have you looked into some kind of private treatment? This is a great place to start!! Good luck in your journey of sobriety it is the best thing I have ever done for myself!!!

Carlotta

If you cannot make it to AA, check out AVRT (addictive voice recognition technique). It is discussed in Secular connection. Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information and it is something that you do alone https://rational.org/index.php?id=1
You have to be self disciplined for that and able to call yourself on your own BS though.
I use some AVRT in my recovery too.

Dee74

There are a lot of good avenues to chase up here Batman - I've known many police officers in recovery and AA but if anonymity is a priority most every recovery group has an online meeting option now.

I don;t believe anyone needs to suffer alone or in silence at all

welcome to SR
D

Anna

And, know for sure that we're here for you and we do understand how really hard this is. The loneliness you feel is what many of us experience as we try to quite drinking. You can do this!

DG0409

Welcome to SR.

Tons of great support here. I am 4+ months sober and the only support I use is this website. For me, there just isn't an AA group available within a reasonable distance. AA is A way to get sober, but it's not the only way. Kind of like how some people lose weight by running and others lose weight with diet and weight-lifting. There are lots of ways to get sober. The important thing isn't so much which one you choose, but choosing one and sticking to it (or if it doesn't work, being willing to try others).

Things that really helped me in the early days were taking things one day at a time, focusing on the things I had to be grateful for, eating healthy, getting a bit of exercise and posting/reading on here.

Whenever you're struggling, post here and you will get tons of support.

sugarbear1

call you local intergroup office of AA and ask about meetings specific to law enforcement as some areas have them but they aren't "advertised" (real private meetings)

FeenixxRising

Welcome Batman. You've found a good place to start. No one here should judge you for your occupation. As you say, cops are just as human as the rest of us, and addiction does not discriminate.

If you want to try AA you can check out the 12-step forums here, there is also an e-AA forum site that allows you to get a sponsor online. You could work the Steps and attend online meetings without attending F2F meetings. Also, to avoid your "clients" you may want to consider meetings that are out-of-town (but I understand that could be a huge inconvenience).

I've heard the members of LE are often prone to alcoholism because of job stress. I'm not sure if that's true, but are there programs available through your union or police association? Shouldn't they at least protect you while you work on this issue?

At the very least stick around here.