JackDsMissus

To finally quit drinking. I've hit what I thought were a few rock bottoms in the past. IE: being taken to hospital twice and being hooked up to a saline drip. Some really mortifying situations which you would think would be enough to quit.

However, I rationalise that now because I only drink at home, alone and only purchase one 50cl bottle of whatever spirit I can afford a night. And, because I am semi functioning, ie: still kind of exercising, still working, still taking care of my child. I think it's under control.

But I know it's not. Two years of constant nightly drinking spirits is NOT under control. I've gained about 4 stones and I'm generally depressed in the day, although I combat that with caffine/fat burners and energy drinks.

I read everything I can about quitting, I make plans to quit but I never do. It gets to 5pm and any resolve I had is over powered by my internal dialogue... Namely, soothed by the word Tommorrow. Then there's still a shot of drink left over the next day which I can't bring myself to pour away and I conclude, when that's done, tommorrow and buy another 35cl to top it up. I'm waiting for something big, some epiphany, some nugget of hope from someone else and in the meantime, I continue drinking... SIGH.

What was it that made you quit?

Lightning Bug

I went swimming (fully dressed) in the ocean by myself while extremely drunk. Could have drown myself and my kids wouldn't have their mom. That was my end of the rope. Alcohol is a poison and I won't let it suck the life out of me anymore.

Hope you decide to put down the bottle. Lots of people here who care.

PS - WELCOME!!!

ScottFromWI

If you keep digging for a bottom, you'll eventually find one you can't climb back out of -literally.

My "epiphany" was when I realized that I had to drink to feel normal, vs drinking to feel good. And anxiety/panic attacks that couldn't be stopped or calmed down by drinking.

Ultimately though, you have to make the decision, plain and simple. No amount of horror stories will stop you from drinking in the least until you decide to quit. I truly hope you do before you do reach the bottom you cannot recover from.

Pamel

So very true Scott. I was just thinking of the many friends who are dead from alcohol. That I am still alive and have a chance is a miracle.

JackDsMissus

Thank you for replying to me. I guess the defining moment I am searching for is different for everyone. I watched a kids movie today and one of the characters said something like "You are waiting for a fairy godmother to come in and magically transform your life, well I have news for you dear. That fairy godmother is you." It made me cry. That's what I'm waiting for Didn't quite hit me hard enough though, even posting here just made me realise I don't have my full 50cl in the house and the shops closing. I did a mad dash over there and quite honestly feel like a big hypocrite for even posting when people are trying so hard & all I can do is read and pretend and make half hearted plans.

RJY9

I totally hear you man! I have been on those salin drips and been in hospital numerous times because of my drinking. I even tried to kill myself once in a blackout and woke up in hospital to be told i ate a whole bottle of vallium and varius other tablets and was told that i swung for a policeman and paramedic all in my own kitchen. Imagine being told that and not remembering ANY of it! That was a breakdown they told me. That was in 2009 and i quit for 10 weeks. I went back to drinking and did a few occasions of quitting here and there between then and now but failed as i really didnt deep down want to quit. I have 6 days as of today and its a whole week tomorrow and i am actually proud to say that i will never drink again as long as i live because of the wake up call i had the other day when i once again blacked out and tried to split my parents up by making up lies about them and telling them horrible lies about one another so they would hate eachother. I love my parents so much and there is no reason WHATSOEVER why i would do that, as we have an amazing relationship and always have. I destroyed them by the evil i was saying and my mother told me that a demon was inside of me and that if i didnt quit the drink then they will disown me for ever. My wife told me this too. The rock bottom times above regarding hospital etc should of been enough to quit for good. I have learned the hard way but i beleive everything happens for a reason and all the while i hate myself for saying those things to my beautiful parents i'm kinda glad it happened because i think i would still be drinking if it hadnt.

What i'm trying to say is..Dont wait around for something like this to happen to you before you quit the drink. I wish i could of quit without doing that to my parents. Dont kid yourself by buying yourself time to drink. Do it now and feel good! I have drank heavily for 15 years and only after 6 days i feel great! Dont wait for any more bad s**t to happen. Act now! All the best!

Serenity1972

Hi Jack,

Can you drive a different way home to avoid the temptations on making that 5 o'clock stop? I know on Friday's I have to take the long way home about 20 minutes out of my way just to avoid the AV and cravings to stop at the liquor store. So far it has been working, but I still watch the clock sometimes and wonder if getting another bottle would be ok. I stop myself and think back on all the bad stuff (mostly bad stuff, not much good stuff) that alcohol has done to my life and I quickly revert to shutting the AV up.

As others have stated you don't want to dig yourself a hole that you can't get yourself out of. I would rather think that today is your rock bottom, therefore you don't have to drink.

SLB1968

Hey, I hear you loud and clear. I'm on day one and I know there is a single 12 oz. can of Bud in the fridge and about a half pint of Patron in the pantry. Typically, given that it's 5:17 here on the east coast, I would say "F-it" and stop by the packy for another 6 pack and some shots. I'm just sick of it though.

The posters above are spot on. I need to heed that advice too. If we keep digging, we are going to get ourselves down a hole that we can't climb out of. Personally, I don't want to wait for that to happen.

Will i evern drink again. Who knows. Probably. But, for now, I'm just not drinking today.

Good luck

Anna

I was at a point of almost losing my family and my health. It took something that drastic to make me stop and deal with myself. I understand the idea of waiting for a fairy godmother. I felt that way too, but while I was waiting my alcoholism was worsening. Please join us.

JackDsMissus

I live across from the store. and when I sit in my kitchen you can even see WINES & SPIRITS title through the window. 5pm is more of the time my body reminding me I need to make sure I've got enough alcohol in for tonight. No matter where I am! TY for the advice and well done on your soberity I need to do more reading on the site but how do people really formulate this plan that they speak of?

JackDsMissus

Yes, tysm and well done on getting stopped. I'm scared of something drastic happening but almost feel it would have to be. It's not that I've no will power, I've too much will to keep drinking. I want to join you I'm going to keep reading, I'm looking for a practical way. I want to make my own plan. A real one that's tangible, that I can believe in :/

ScottFromWI

The fact that you are here means that there is a least part of you that wants to quit. The next step is reaching deep and finding a way to convince the rest of you that quitting is the right choice. No one here is going to condone drinking of course, but the fact that you are still drinking doesn't mean you can't post and read here by any means.

Read lots and lots, and then read some more. It helped me immensely both before I quit and afterwards.

Serenity1972

The liquor store that I frequented is very close to my house. Granted not across the street (I see how that could be hard). I wasn't a daily drinker, I was a weekend drinker. I had to change my route home, I had to change the way I handled stressful situations, I had to change everything about how I went about my weekends to make it this far (14 days isn't much but I plan to remain sober the rest of my life). I do understand your 5 o'clock clock. My weekend clock started at 6 pm right after work which ended up in another weekend binder that didn't end until I drank the last drop Sunday evening.

Everyone is different and has their own ways in combating the beast. I choose to use SR and AVRT. There are others out there that use AA meetings, SMART, RR etc. I am sure others will chime in on what keeps them sober.

Wish you the best.

DisplacedGRITS

Jack, you only reach rock bottom when you decide to throw out the shovel and stop digging. some people stop digging earlier than other people. some people stop digging when they've lost so much they realize that they can't keep up the pace they've been at. some people loose so much that they never quit digging because what's there left to loose? i too am surrounded by liquor stores. i live in Milwaukee so there is a liquor store on every block and half the restaurants are pubs as well. liquor is everywhere and even more so if you're looking for it. what it comes down to is deciding when you're going to quit digging. if you're not ready to quit using, then you're not ready. i remember still getting into trouble and my sponsor just looked at me and said that maybe i'm not ready to quit yet. that struck me. of course i was ready to quit! but it took me deciding that i didn't want to loose anymore. i've seen people who kept on digging long past where i quit. i don't need to keep walking the path i was on to see where it would go. the evidence was laid plain before me. so what are you going to do? i hope you throw out the shovel soon before you do irreparable damage to yourself.

JackDsMissus

TY! And, your avvie made me lol But How did you do it once you'd made up your mind? I see you quote AA there. I do have a list of my local ones tucked inside my Alan Carr How to Control Alcohol for Women book right here but I feel like, I put on such a mask of functioning to the outer world. (Except my obvious weight gain) I can't bring myself to attend one of the meetings. Idk incase someone sees me or I know someone there. Sounds like excuses right? Yeah does to me too. :/

hypochondriac

Sadly sometimes that epiphany just doesn't happen. And even if something can be interpreted as epiphany-like the alcoholic mind has a way of twisting it to make it seem okay. Personally I felt like I really had to force myself to stop drinking and hoped I'd somehow magically be inspired. I feel like I was, almost as soon as I'd quit and totally took the option of drinking off the table (AVRT helped with this). My thinking changed pretty quickly. I read somewhere recently that sobriety is something you have to have to be able to want it. That was certainly true in my case. I was a semi-functioner like yourself, and although I had some health and anxiety issues I could always hold on to the functioning argument. Truth was I would never let myself not function, because then I would have a reason to quit. My whole life was spent trying to find reasons why I didn't have to quit but I didn't realise to what extent until I got sober. I wish I had known sooner that sobriety had a lot of benefits and that I wasn't really giving up anything.

Dee74

Hi JDM

I was living your life - I ended up nearly dying from my drinking.
That's not a path I recommend.

A bottom is not an event - it's a decision that you want to stop digging the hole you're in.

Coming here is a great start - SR helped me turn my life around.
I know we can help you do the same

You might have to break cover a little tho - I really recommend you go and see your Dr and be honest with them.

Detox can be rough for some of us.

D

ersatzmatriarch

hi jack, and welcome to SR!

a lot of good stuff here already, i just wanted to chime in.

my bottom wasn't as far down as i know things can get, and i will forever be grateful i stopped when i did. my health was really starting to slip. i could keep the house and kids running, but everyday i hurt like hell, and i was unable to actually engage with my family (i was more like a zombie just doing some of the next few things on a daily list.)

i think, though, that the things that really knocked some sense into me was realizing, after more attempts than i can count, that i could not stop drinking. i had to keep drinking because it hurt too much not to drink. that scared the stink out of me.

i found SR, made a plan, and have been sober almost 3 months now... and i could not be happier (even today, when i'm going through a minor episode of PAWS.)

i hope you stick around here... keep reading and posting, and know that getting sober can be done!

EndGameNYC

Many of us didn't have that luxury. I simply could no longer function following my relapse. That doesn't mean you have to wait until it's a life-and-death fest.

Soberpotamus

Please don't wait. It can always get worse. Rock bottom is when you have decided you've had enough.