Is there an end to this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
Is there an end to this?
Day 135. 19 weekends of Sobriety. When do these cravings go away. When do i get my independence back? Its like being a prisoner trapped behind bars. I can see the outside but i cant get there. Is there an end to this?
I want to be that 14 year old boy so long ago that bounced out of bed ridiculously excited about what the day would bring. No thought about outside influences. No addictions.
But no, i wake up with all my thoughts consumed by alcohol. Counting sober days. Making plans in my mind of ways to avoid the drink. Relentlessly toiling to return to where that 14 year old boy was some 30 odd years ago.
My will has been strong. Much stronger than any craving!
Allow me through these bars. Let me see an end to this! For without a defining end its ridiculously hard to justify the struggle:
I want to be that 14 year old boy so long ago that bounced out of bed ridiculously excited about what the day would bring. No thought about outside influences. No addictions.
But no, i wake up with all my thoughts consumed by alcohol. Counting sober days. Making plans in my mind of ways to avoid the drink. Relentlessly toiling to return to where that 14 year old boy was some 30 odd years ago.
My will has been strong. Much stronger than any craving!
Allow me through these bars. Let me see an end to this! For without a defining end its ridiculously hard to justify the struggle:
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I don't know what to say Pedro. I can't imagine having very intense cravings at 4 to 5 months sober. Have you made other changes in your life besides stopping drinking? I sure hope you feel better soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
Hi Pedro
I dunno about anyone else but I drank for 20 years...Alcohol was the centre of my life.
It took me some time to go over that...a ridiculously short time now when I look back at it, but it seemed pretty long there for a while.
I got over cravings pretty quick but I still thought about alcohol a bit..is that what you mean?
In any case, the more I built a happy sober life for myself the less alcohol mattered.
Just have faith....it will get better....I dunno if at our age you'll leap out of bed like a 14 yo...but you can shoot for a 24 yo LOL
D
I dunno about anyone else but I drank for 20 years...Alcohol was the centre of my life.
It took me some time to go over that...a ridiculously short time now when I look back at it, but it seemed pretty long there for a while.
I got over cravings pretty quick but I still thought about alcohol a bit..is that what you mean?
In any case, the more I built a happy sober life for myself the less alcohol mattered.
Just have faith....it will get better....I dunno if at our age you'll leap out of bed like a 14 yo...but you can shoot for a 24 yo LOL
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
it's easier to stay sober when
Originally Posted by Pedro1234 
When do these cravings go away.
it's different for everybody
Dr Bob of the AA Big Book Program
had cravings for something like a couple of years
this last time around for me I have had no serious cravings
but
I was beat up from a lifetime of drinking
having blackouts
and
a hard time focusing
it's easier to stay sober when you can't see straight even when sober
Mountainman
Dr Bob of the AA Big Book Program
had cravings for something like a couple of years
this last time around for me I have had no serious cravings
but
I was beat up from a lifetime of drinking
having blackouts
and
a hard time focusing
it's easier to stay sober when you can't see straight even when sober
Mountainman
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Hey Pedro,
Are you working any program of recovery or support? Maybe you need to beef up your support, add to your recovery program - whatever it might be. I always looked at getting more support as one more hard thing to do, until I realized that support actually makes it EASIER. Sounds obvious, but it took me a long time to get that...
Are you working any program of recovery or support? Maybe you need to beef up your support, add to your recovery program - whatever it might be. I always looked at getting more support as one more hard thing to do, until I realized that support actually makes it EASIER. Sounds obvious, but it took me a long time to get that...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 236
I am now over 8 months in recovery and I don't crave anymore. I haven't craved much at all the last few months but I do think about it each day. However, I do not care to drink any longer. I'm much happier sober and so the thought crosses my mind and when it does I just think about the bad things that alcohol has done to me. This makes it less and less frequent that this thought comes to my mind. I think everyone is a little different in recovery depending on the history of alcohol abuse. I'm sure you didn't drink for only a hundred and some odd days so give it a while to get better. I can only imagine that like the rest of us, though, it will only get better and better.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Hey Pedro I hear you! Firstly congrats on 19 weeks 
. I had/have been feeling quite simalar. Feeling like sobriety is a full time job, I think more about NOT drinking then I ever did about drinking. If your like me you've been using shear willpower to stay sober. It helps me to read other members "day 1 again threads" and remember why I stopped in the first place.
It's so easy to forget why we quit when it's nearly 5 months into this journey. I have been searching desperately to find the girl I use to be. They say that arrested development can happen when at the age you start drinking or doing drugs. Maybe remembering that carefree time of 14 is your minds way of saying, " hey where'd the last few decades go? How did i get to be a grown man with grown up problems, when all I want to do is live with with out boundaries and be "free" it's like adololescents part 2.
I remember what you posted about the grass being greener, thinking about what you said in that post helped me alot getting through tough days. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. Sadly I don't... But I do know that right before a big breakthrough I do get those dissatisfactory feelings toward my sobriety.
How's the running? I've finally been able to get in 10ks and have my 7 year old running a 7 minute mile
.
. I had/have been feeling quite simalar. Feeling like sobriety is a full time job, I think more about NOT drinking then I ever did about drinking. If your like me you've been using shear willpower to stay sober. It helps me to read other members "day 1 again threads" and remember why I stopped in the first place. It's so easy to forget why we quit when it's nearly 5 months into this journey. I have been searching desperately to find the girl I use to be. They say that arrested development can happen when at the age you start drinking or doing drugs. Maybe remembering that carefree time of 14 is your minds way of saying, " hey where'd the last few decades go? How did i get to be a grown man with grown up problems, when all I want to do is live with with out boundaries and be "free" it's like adololescents part 2.
I remember what you posted about the grass being greener, thinking about what you said in that post helped me alot getting through tough days. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. Sadly I don't... But I do know that right before a big breakthrough I do get those dissatisfactory feelings toward my sobriety.
How's the running? I've finally been able to get in 10ks and have my 7 year old running a 7 minute mile
.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Allow me through these bars. Let me see an end to this! For without a defining end its ridiculously hard to justify the struggle.
There is a story about a guy, obviously drunk, who was walking around a lightpost, hammering on it with his fists, crying, 'Let me out! Let me out!'.
Maybe you are out, maybe you are free already, Pedro. Congratulations on your sobriety. You are doing great. Onward!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Maybe the thoughts reoccur and don't diminish because you want to see a well defined end , a specific time or date and since and without one those thoughts have 'permission' to generate.
I am new to recovery and as you can imagine those types of thoughts are very close to the surface. I am trying imagine a time in the hopeful nearer than not future that they will dissipate. But instead of a specific time, I see more like a vanishing point on the horizon, moving through time I will approach it, maybe get beyond it, but I feel the closer I get I may not notice it when I get there, my perspective will change. So like a long walk on a beach where you spot a house or pier in the distance and say when I get there I will turn around , you look up to check your progress , but then your attention gets diverted and then you realize, you passed it.
anyway rambling thoughts
I am new to recovery and as you can imagine those types of thoughts are very close to the surface. I am trying imagine a time in the hopeful nearer than not future that they will dissipate. But instead of a specific time, I see more like a vanishing point on the horizon, moving through time I will approach it, maybe get beyond it, but I feel the closer I get I may not notice it when I get there, my perspective will change. So like a long walk on a beach where you spot a house or pier in the distance and say when I get there I will turn around , you look up to check your progress , but then your attention gets diverted and then you realize, you passed it.
anyway rambling thoughts
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
We drank for years (most of us) and I think it takes a long time to get back to baseline---I have accepted that there will be times throughout my life I may have "thoughts" to drink but the cravings definitely go away. If you are still having the obsession to drink however, perhaps you should think about adding something to your recovery. Have you tried AA? It has helped me tremendously. Posting about in on here helps as well. I feel way different than I did at 4-5 months if that helps any. I think about it much less and it's more of a passing thought. If I do start obsessing I have face to face meetings and SR to help me through it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
I am deeply regretting making this post and apologize for the negativity and in particular to any newcomers that may have read this. In hindsight the post was a reflection of a little depression that i have suffered with in the past. I have an appointment with my Dr this afternoon to discuss this and seek assistance.
Thanks for all the support and again if you read this as a newcomer there is way more positives in abstinence that the dreaded alternative.
Thanks for all the support and again if you read this as a newcomer there is way more positives in abstinence that the dreaded alternative.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,462
No worries, Pedro, you were honest. Just goes to show people with 5 months, a year, or 5 years sometimes still struggle with sobriety. It's a lifelong battle. Give yourself props for going through this and not reaching for a drink. Congrats
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Pedro it's good for Newcombers to see and be prepared that struggles are going to come sobriety isn't a magic pill that makes your life all better. It's work, hard work but the pros out way the cons. Good luck at DR.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Pedro1234
I am deeply regretting making this post and apologize for the negativity and in particular to any newcomers that may have read this. In hindsight the post was a reflection of a little depression that i have suffered with in the past. I have an appointment with my Dr this afternoon to discuss this and seek assistance.
Thanks for all the support and again if you read this as a newcomer there is way more positives in abstinence that the dreaded alternative.
Thanks for all the support and again if you read this as a newcomer there is way more positives in abstinence that the dreaded alternative.
I won't really enjoy this, but still see it as character building.
Meds for depression may help, especially in a limited time span.
Glad to see you back on track!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Murchovski
I expect to have to do the really hard yards from time to time.
I won't really enjoy this, but still see it as character building.
Meds for depression may help, especially in a limited time span.
Glad to see you back on track!
I won't really enjoy this, but still see it as character building.
Meds for depression may help, especially in a limited time span.
Glad to see you back on track!
I was fortunate enough to change doctors 2 years ago.
My old doctor sort of thought tranquillizers were like lollies.
New doctor, very anti benzos and grog,a much better option.
Go Freo!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
I got some meds from the Doctor and some options for some herbal meds. To be honest, the talk i had with him was more rewarding than the prescription. Maybe i need to look for a buddy or similar as i am doing this totally solo. Anyway i feel better today
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Hi Pedro,
I'm just a few days behind you. I think it's natural to still struggle at this point. We have to remember that even though it feels like we've been at this forever now, we ARE still in the early months. And I think as you mentioned about depression, we're at a point where we are facing other problems and issues in our lives. Maybe having to deal with the things that we used to drink over.
Way to go on talking to the doc about the depression. It's great that you're searching for a real solution to the problem rather than drowning it out with booze.
One thing that helps is just to take some time to remember how it really was when we were drinking and to remember the positives about sobriety.
I'm just a few days behind you. I think it's natural to still struggle at this point. We have to remember that even though it feels like we've been at this forever now, we ARE still in the early months. And I think as you mentioned about depression, we're at a point where we are facing other problems and issues in our lives. Maybe having to deal with the things that we used to drink over.
Way to go on talking to the doc about the depression. It's great that you're searching for a real solution to the problem rather than drowning it out with booze.
One thing that helps is just to take some time to remember how it really was when we were drinking and to remember the positives about sobriety.
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