Fishhead

Hi everyone...

I'm new to this site, and I found while trying to figure out if I had a problem with alcohol. Obviously, since I am looking up this kind of info, I believe I do. Every questionnaire I have filled out, I have scored about 75% in favour of me having a problem. I know I do. I am somewhat intoxicated now. I can't seem to stop, and I could count on one hand, how many times I've spent an evening sober in the last 6 months. I have tried to fix this, but it's not working. On top of the booze, I smoke cigars like cigarettes when I drink, though I keep both to the evening hours. I work seven days a week, at a job, and at a business my wife and I run. I use my work schedule as an excuse. If anyone has some advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

LadyBlue0527

Hi Fishhead and

Lots of great info here and great people! Read, read, read, and post, post, post!

You said that you've tried to fix this but it's not working. What is it that you did or are trying to do and why do you think that it's not working?

Petecrab

Hey fish. Welcome. It sounds like you have come to the right place.

Amajorityofone

“A strong man cannot help a weaker unless the weaker is willing to be helped, and even then the weak man must become strong of himself; he must, by his own efforts, develop the strength which he admires in another. None but himself can alter his condition.”

-James Allen

Hevyn

Welcome Fishhead! You've come to a wonderful place.

I was so dependent on it when I joined SR I was drinking 'round the clock. I swore I'd never allow myself to reach that point. Once I started posting here I felt so much relief - everyone understood me and what I was going through. I found the courage to change my life. I know you can do it too. Glad you are here!

SoberHappyHour

There is NO good enough excuse to have to drink. I've always believed that if the thought of you having a problem crosses your mind, then you have a problem. However, that is entirely up to you to decide and we are only here to help and not judge. The first step to becoming sober is the most important, and that is to have more of a desire to stop drinking than to continue drinking. First, mentally prepare yourself for a difficult and long journey that will probably last the rest of your life. However, I can tell you that it is worth it to feel incredible on a daily basis and learn to deal with everyday stress without feeling the need to drink.

Fishhead

Lady blue:

I guess I just tried not to drink. I have gone a day or to, but it never lasts. In the past, I've made it a couple of days, and then I convince myself that I deserve at least a beer, but it doesn't stop until I pass out. I've already lied to my parents about meeting up with them today, and also, a couple of guys I grew up with who are staying in the town I live in now. They wanted to hook up for beers but I don't want to drive. I'm 34 yrs old and I feel like I'm wasting any talent I have and letting my family/friends down. I've looked at AA, but not sure about the religious aspect.

Fishhead

If I get through at least one day, I feel great, but it never seems to last. Very disappointed in myself...

Dee74

Welcome to SR Fishhead

You'll find a lot of advice and support here - there's a lot of methods in play.

Maybe joining the Class of August thread would be a good start?

D

LadyBlue0527

I think that's where most start is just trying not to drink. Then you find out that it's a little bit more work than was originally planned.

You've come to the right place because there's so much information about 12 step programs like AA, non 12 step programs, and plenty of input from people who have put together their own programs. Lots of people use this place and then read, write journals. The important thing is to find out what works for you.

I'm an avid believer in AA and not religious either. This is my 4th time quitting and I've remained sober the longest I have in 35 years. This time AA was exactly what I needed.

Here are a few links for you to the forums:

Alternatives to 12 step programs:

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

12 Step Programs:

Secular 12 Step Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Those are the forums for discussion, it would be a great place to start. The newcomers forum, where you are, is great for general questions and sharing. Lots of us here!

You couldn't have made a better choice than coming here. There's lots of support and strength!

LadyBlue0527

Get rid of that disappointment and replace it with being happy that you've taken a step in the right direction to do something about your situation. Positive action trumps disappointment!

grocerease

The best thing that I have found is to say that you will take a break for 3 months. If you can't make it, you may have a problem. The thing is you will feel so good after a couple weeks you may wonder why you spend money on alcohol to feel like crap anyway. Also think about if alcohol had no buzz effect, would you still drink it? Just some thoughts. Hope to see you around. I'm 14 days sober and feel great. I was more of a binge drinker but sobriety feels amazing.

Petecrab

Don't waste any more time and start today fish! Don't be disappointed, see it as an opportunity

Fishhead

Ok...really struggling. Drank more than I should have and waiting for my wife to come home. She is very supportive/understanding...possibly to a fault. I'm a good drunk..don't cause problems, just joke around. I feel like I don't have a personality if I don't drink. I am so unsureas to how I can right this...really glad I found this site. I live in a small town in ontario Canada,and with our business, it's seems difficult to me to go to a meeting without someone making a connection

Fishhead

Here's an example of my drinking: I broke the glass on my iPad when I dropped it and sort of blamed it on the dog. Such a cowardly drunk.

LadyBlue0527

Most of us have blamed things that we did while drinking on others. Don't feel bad, you're in good company here. There's not much that could surprise us.

hayley86

Welcome, lots of great advice to be found here. Admitting that drinking is a problem for you and reaching out for help is a great move. This is a progressive illness if you think you have a problem now that problem will only get much worse. I would get some support and a plan in place for recovery. If you are not sure of AA because of the Religious aspect there are other recovery methods available. Wishing you well.

Pamel

I hasten to say that the "religious aspect" is a small part of AA.

To very many people, it is important in the meaning of "God" (as they understand him/it/her) but the main thing is to give up trying to run your own recovery. As a wise person told me many years ago, "All that I needed to know about "God" is that I was not it.

In short, we need to simply take our idea of "self" and become part of the world as it is. And a huge part of that is acceptance that we cannot drink.

I say this still not accepting the truth of that despite YEARS of experience. I KNOW that I am an alcoholic and STILL drink. Thank goodness I had many years of sobriety before getting into this hell again.

JumpnOn2

Hi Fish!! Some of us here have found ARVT to be extremely helpful. You can Google AVRT and look for the one on Rational Recovery website and search SR for it also. AV=addictive voice. For me it is my best tool for defeating the "beast ". There is a Secular Connections section on SR that should have it there. You've come to a wonderfully supportive place. Keep coming back!!!

DisplacedGRITS

alcohol doesn't give you anything as far as personality goes. it doesn't make you funny, witty, fun, angry, confrontational, silly or anything like that. all it does it bring down the wall you've built up around yourself. the problem is, it doesn't just bring that wall down to a desirable level. it annihilate the wall. then, everything comes flooding through and you can't control it. you sometimes go too fa r than is socially acceptable because alcohol has taken away all of your restraint.

what's important to remember is that alcohol doesn't give you anything. it only takes away. so if you're going to go without alcohol, you've got to learn to bring down that wall on your own. you've got to be willing to be a little uncomfortable and take a few risks by making yourself a little vulnerable. sure, you could just not say anything for fear that you'll say something "wrong" but then where is your personality? take a few chances and say things. but think before you speak. you have that gift now that you're sober. you won't always have the funniest quip and maybe you make a mistake or three but more often than not, you'll just fit in normally. make sure you listen as much as you speak. ask people about themselves. try to not give advice on things you have no experience with. laugh often and let others see you laugh. i'm sure you have plenty of personality sober. you've just been drunk for so long that you forgot it was there.