Mistified

Hi, this is my first time on an addiction site. I have been in and out of NA rooms for about 10 yrs now. I have struggled with narcotics since about the age of 12 (I'm now almost 29) I have had some really bad years, some ok yrs and some pretty good yrs. during my mid to late teens my doc was cocaine. I went to rehab at around age 21 and haven't used that drug since. I went on to live a pretty normal life, living 'on the fence' drinking occasionally, messing with pain pills and benzos. About 3-4 yrs ago the opiates got the best of me and I began using oxy's heavily for about a year...I tried rehab a few times without success. I eventually began taking subutex almost two yrs ago. (Thru a doctor) I take a small dose, about 2 mgs a day sometimes less. Since then my life has been manageable but I definitely do not have any serenity. I still am unable to deal with frustrations and problems like a 'normal' person...whenever I am stressed or pissed I want to use BAD! Sometimes I get thru it sometimes I end up using Xanax or alcohol to deal with and change the way I feel. I guess the reason I am on here is to try something new in my search for inner peace and sanity. A little about me and my life... I am a mom to two boys...I had my first son VERY young, he is starting high school this week! It's crazy to be my age and dealing with a teen, thank god he is a good kid...gets good grades and is nothing like I was at that age! I also have a 7 yr old, he was diagnosed with ADHD and can be very frustrating at times. I am married so I am not raising them alone but I still find that a lot of the times I find myself in a bad spot, stressed out, it usually has something to do with my frustration with them. My husband is also an addict...he was 4 yrs clean when we met, but he relapsed as well and we were using oxy's together for that year. He is now on methadone. He chose that route bc it is what worked for him when he got clean before. (He relapsed 1 month before his 10 yr anniversary of being clean) He had to have surgery and at first he refused to take the narcotics prescribed but he ended up having severe complications and broke down and took them thinking he would be ok...long story short he was not able to 'handle it' and he very quickly became a full blown using addict again. We started using together and our life quickly spiraled. Thank god we are both managing today but we are still picking up the pieces, financially, spiritually, ect.. I consider myself to be pretty self aware, I know I still have a lot of character defects, and addict behaviors. That is why I am here I guess to try to change. I guess that about sums it up. Thanks for the welcome!

Hevyn

We're very happy to have you join us Mistified. You found a great place for support.

I understand about not learning to deal with things normally. I poured alcohol on all my problems for many years. It's so hard to admit that it never really helps us cope - only creates more problems for us. I'm sorry for all that you've been through - but here you'll find many who can relate and encourage you. It really helps to not feel alone anymore.

Anna

I'm glad you found us and I think it's great that you are trying to be the best person you can be. I know you will be able to find ways that are healthy to deal with your anger and upset. I hope you keep reading and posting.

Dee74

Hi and welcome mistified

I definitely think support helps - I could not have made the life I have, or found the peace I did, without the support wisdom and help of this community....

It helps so much to know you're not alone

really glad to have you join us!

D

Acheleus

Welcome to SR!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Mistified I am sure you will find the support here useful to you. Are you still going to NA now too?

least

to a very supportive site.

Mistified

Thanks for the welcome everyone! As of now I am not currently attending any NA meetings. I seem to go thru spurts w them. I have mixed feelings about them...they have helped me a lot especially when I was at my lowest points of active addiction but I have never really found that I stuck around for long. I get very bored of all the repetition and though i have met lots of great people ther i have never really "clicked" and became good friends w anyone..I am definitely not against them and maybe it would be good for me to try going now that I'm not in that total desperation of trying to withdrawal and stay clean.

hypochondriac

NA is not the only option. Maybe it would be worth checking out if there are any other types of meetings in your area, like SMART or Lifering? There are also non meeting options like AVRT x

Mistified

Thanks! I never heard of those...I will definitely check it out.