Why this Tuesday matters
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 9
Why this Tuesday matters
I feel I have so much in common with everybody in this forum.
So here is my situation. I am going to begin (try, struggle) to quit drinking this coming Tuesday. But here it is: I haven't had any drink since Tuesday. So why don't I then just call this day 3 of sobriety . Reason is simple: I have no money to get drunk.
Its not that I don't have an income. Creating a situation of not having any money apparently was my sobriety strategy that appears to now have
proven to have failed.
I'm 38 but I knew I had a drinking problem at age 23. One year ago in May on Victoria day(I'm in Canada) after a holiday weekend binge I woke up a quarter mile from my house, surrounded by police cars and an ambulance.
When it was evident I was blacked out due to being publicly intoxicated, I ended up in the drunk tank. It definitely wasn't the first. I was released the next morning, went into work and asked for the day off. My employers must obviously know by this point I have an issue since I have called in sick almost every day after payday that past year.
So I decided on a new strategy. When I get paid, I would treat myself to just one binge and spend every cent on bills and stockup on food, books, and video. I figured if I didn't have any cash I wouldn't be able to drink too much and this would begin my recovery.
Of course, this strategy didn't always work. I could always find ways around it. Borrow money from family and friends, or pawn something . But the past eight months I seem to have even relapsed that strategy and last
week ended up going on a four day binge, and it was very destructive.
I look at myself and feel awful. Beer and liquor is quite expensive in Canada in comparison to the USA and elsewhere and I think how I could spend an entire week at the coffee shop for the price of a night's binge(Often a binge is accompanied with ordering $30 in Chinese food or pizza --- and I"m sure everybody here knows where that all ends up).
Someone might think I am surrounded by drinking buddies. But its the complete opposite now. I'm the lone drunk and they all agree I drink to much and how much of a waste of money it is. Indeed its more than a waste of money --- Alcohol has contributed heavily to my mismanagement with money and I should own a house right now , but instead I am stilling living by renting. Its no surprise I don't have a girlfriend.
The list of bad things alcohol brought me is long. At 24 I had a DUI and it resulted in my job termination. At 28 in a drunken state I regretfully dumped my beautiful future potential bride and her family completely excommunicated me---making the repair to our relationship impossible. There were even times while drunk I couldn't turn down an opportunity to smoke crack. Although I now stand my ground against that one. This past Christmas, I promised to use my Christmas bonus to buy my family very nice gifts and then came that binge that was so bad that I found myself nearly cashless and instead purchased them very poor quality gifts.
But one of my most scary memorable incidents was last year when I traveled to what we might consider my "ancestral homeland" for a month where a shot of domestic liquor at most cafe bars works out to .21 cent . On my last trip I missed out on a lot of things because I spent it drunk most of the time . What happened was quite frightening . One big scam there is for waitstaff to approach tourists or foreigners and accuse them of not paying the bill from a a few nights before. It apparently works well since I was approached quite a bit with this accusation. And so came an incident when they refused to give me my change($5) claiming I didn't pay the night before(which I did---I also think I was talking politics which is a major taboo there) Anyway. I got so aggressive I picked up a chair and threaten to throw it through the window. The this extreme behavior that definitely seemed to be one of my imports . And this is country where police are absent, and citizens feel just taking the law into their own hands, and I was probably only a few meters away from someone carrying an semi-automatic rifle. I honestly believe I could have been shot dead that night for the way I behaved.
Now I have plans to go back in a few months(Remember how i said I would spend every cent of my paycheck---I been buying money-orders to my travel agent knowing I would be incapable of saving up that trip under my circumstances).
I look forward to going back but after the last trip, I fear a relapse and a repeat in that fanatic behavior of mine.
So this coming Tuesday when payday comes I will have to make a decision. For the past year I went on a binge on those bimonthly days and I know if I don't stop now, I won't stop the next time or the next time or the next time.
Right now I feel I can do it, but I know the chemistry in my brain changes on that morning---it changes so much that a few times when I saw the deposit in the bank I began to convulse with sickness. I know I'm riding into disaster, especially since I intake an entire pack of cigarettes a day, sometimes more, with those binges.
So I am concerned and hoping for strength. This site appears to be a good start although I am not sure if it will require more.
Leaking 4 Ever.
So here is my situation. I am going to begin (try, struggle) to quit drinking this coming Tuesday. But here it is: I haven't had any drink since Tuesday. So why don't I then just call this day 3 of sobriety . Reason is simple: I have no money to get drunk.
Its not that I don't have an income. Creating a situation of not having any money apparently was my sobriety strategy that appears to now have
proven to have failed.
I'm 38 but I knew I had a drinking problem at age 23. One year ago in May on Victoria day(I'm in Canada) after a holiday weekend binge I woke up a quarter mile from my house, surrounded by police cars and an ambulance.
When it was evident I was blacked out due to being publicly intoxicated, I ended up in the drunk tank. It definitely wasn't the first. I was released the next morning, went into work and asked for the day off. My employers must obviously know by this point I have an issue since I have called in sick almost every day after payday that past year.
So I decided on a new strategy. When I get paid, I would treat myself to just one binge and spend every cent on bills and stockup on food, books, and video. I figured if I didn't have any cash I wouldn't be able to drink too much and this would begin my recovery.
Of course, this strategy didn't always work. I could always find ways around it. Borrow money from family and friends, or pawn something . But the past eight months I seem to have even relapsed that strategy and last
week ended up going on a four day binge, and it was very destructive.
I look at myself and feel awful. Beer and liquor is quite expensive in Canada in comparison to the USA and elsewhere and I think how I could spend an entire week at the coffee shop for the price of a night's binge(Often a binge is accompanied with ordering $30 in Chinese food or pizza --- and I"m sure everybody here knows where that all ends up).
Someone might think I am surrounded by drinking buddies. But its the complete opposite now. I'm the lone drunk and they all agree I drink to much and how much of a waste of money it is. Indeed its more than a waste of money --- Alcohol has contributed heavily to my mismanagement with money and I should own a house right now , but instead I am stilling living by renting. Its no surprise I don't have a girlfriend.
The list of bad things alcohol brought me is long. At 24 I had a DUI and it resulted in my job termination. At 28 in a drunken state I regretfully dumped my beautiful future potential bride and her family completely excommunicated me---making the repair to our relationship impossible. There were even times while drunk I couldn't turn down an opportunity to smoke crack. Although I now stand my ground against that one. This past Christmas, I promised to use my Christmas bonus to buy my family very nice gifts and then came that binge that was so bad that I found myself nearly cashless and instead purchased them very poor quality gifts.
But one of my most scary memorable incidents was last year when I traveled to what we might consider my "ancestral homeland" for a month where a shot of domestic liquor at most cafe bars works out to .21 cent . On my last trip I missed out on a lot of things because I spent it drunk most of the time . What happened was quite frightening . One big scam there is for waitstaff to approach tourists or foreigners and accuse them of not paying the bill from a a few nights before. It apparently works well since I was approached quite a bit with this accusation. And so came an incident when they refused to give me my change($5) claiming I didn't pay the night before(which I did---I also think I was talking politics which is a major taboo there) Anyway. I got so aggressive I picked up a chair and threaten to throw it through the window. The this extreme behavior that definitely seemed to be one of my imports . And this is country where police are absent, and citizens feel just taking the law into their own hands, and I was probably only a few meters away from someone carrying an semi-automatic rifle. I honestly believe I could have been shot dead that night for the way I behaved.
Now I have plans to go back in a few months(Remember how i said I would spend every cent of my paycheck---I been buying money-orders to my travel agent knowing I would be incapable of saving up that trip under my circumstances).
I look forward to going back but after the last trip, I fear a relapse and a repeat in that fanatic behavior of mine.
So this coming Tuesday when payday comes I will have to make a decision. For the past year I went on a binge on those bimonthly days and I know if I don't stop now, I won't stop the next time or the next time or the next time.
Right now I feel I can do it, but I know the chemistry in my brain changes on that morning---it changes so much that a few times when I saw the deposit in the bank I began to convulse with sickness. I know I'm riding into disaster, especially since I intake an entire pack of cigarettes a day, sometimes more, with those binges.
So I am concerned and hoping for strength. This site appears to be a good start although I am not sure if it will require more.
Leaking 4 Ever.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Middle of Nowhere, Canada
Posts: 144
Welcome, Leaking. You will find a wealth of knowledge, wisdom, and support on this site.
You can become sober if that's what you choose to do. Just make that choice, make a plan, find support, and move forward every day. While that seems easier said than done, it's really that simple.
You can use AA, AVRT, Smart recovery, church, a therapist. Do some research and find what you think may work for you based on who you are. Try some things, and move along if its not working. There is no harm in exploring and searching. Find that network and outlet before you need it.
Find time to be kind to yourself, do some soul searching and figure out what makes you drink. For many of us, it's not just the habit, but something deeper.
Be prepared to not be perfect, but if you aren't- move forward. If you are- then each day is one more day towards more control over your life, finances, and happiness...
And a few less pennies paid into the LCBO's pricey marketing!!
You can become sober if that's what you choose to do. Just make that choice, make a plan, find support, and move forward every day. While that seems easier said than done, it's really that simple.
You can use AA, AVRT, Smart recovery, church, a therapist. Do some research and find what you think may work for you based on who you are. Try some things, and move along if its not working. There is no harm in exploring and searching. Find that network and outlet before you need it.
Find time to be kind to yourself, do some soul searching and figure out what makes you drink. For many of us, it's not just the habit, but something deeper.
Be prepared to not be perfect, but if you aren't- move forward. If you are- then each day is one more day towards more control over your life, finances, and happiness...
And a few less pennies paid into the LCBO's pricey marketing!!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 737
Hi there 
Personally, I would still say that you are on day 3, as you're going through the withdrawals, so money or no money, that more than qualifies you!
I DO understand, why you want to call it Tuesday, - it's like we feel we have 'push through' the cravings but this thing is hard enough without putting more pressure on.
Whether 'by default' or not - well done
Personally, I would still say that you are on day 3, as you're going through the withdrawals, so money or no money, that more than qualifies you!I DO understand, why you want to call it Tuesday, - it's like we feel we have 'push through' the cravings but this thing is hard enough without putting more pressure on.
Whether 'by default' or not - well done
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi leaking
the one binge programme never worked for me either - it become the bender programme and I survived on noodles and the kindness (or not) of my utilities creditors.
There's a ton of support here - and a few ideas as well - we'll get you through when payday hits and beyond
the one binge programme never worked for me either - it become the bender programme and I survived on noodles and the kindness (or not) of my utilities creditors.
There's a ton of support here - and a few ideas as well - we'll get you through when payday hits and beyond
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 9
Thax for the encouragement. Here I am , with a little bit of cash in my pocket and the urgency to spend it on beer is depleted . Of course I will put everything to the test this coming week. I'm already feeling confident. This is a first for me it feels, I realize now that if I can reach 28 days I can tell myself I that this might been the longest away from drink since my early 20s. The desire to remain sober now is stronger than the desire to remain stupor. baby steps baby steps.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 737
That's great news that you're not tempted to spend it on beer Yes, I'll be happy when I reach 28 days too - I messed about stopping and starting for 4 years and longest was 3 weeks. This time, I'm making a real effort to stop x
Yes, I'll be happy when I reach 28 days too - I messed about stopping and starting for 4 years and longest was 3 weeks. This time, I'm making a real effort to stop x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 175
Greetings. You have already been dry for three days, so my opinion is that you should keep it that way, No point setting a day in the future, with a 'just one more drinking session' in between. Take advantage of the three days you have already gone through.
Sign up to the class of August 2013, I'm sure everyone would love to see some more members.
Sign up to the class of August 2013, I'm sure everyone would love to see some more members.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome, Leaking4ever! I followed a similar path. I got drunk the first time at age 18. I can still remember that it was some B&J peach wine coolers. At first it was just occasional but by my very early 20's I was a full blown drunk, drinking to the point of intoxication several times a week. Eventually it became most days. By the time I hit my early 40's it was 7 days a week without fail, with the only times I was sober being if I was too sick or too hungover to get any more booze down.
Almost11 months ago I found this place, and I don't think it's being overly dramatic to say it helped save my life. While I wasn't experiencing any overt symptoms I knew it was just a matter of time. Common sense dictates that you can't drink three bottles of wine a day, seven days a week for 25 years without blowing up your body.
All I can say now is that my old life feels like a dream. Or maybe a nightmare. It's hard to imagine the abuse I put myself through over alcohol, and it's incomprehensible why I let it go as long as I did.
You can change your life, save your life. This place can help. If you want to quit, then believe and know that you can succeed!
Good to have you here at SR!
Almost11 months ago I found this place, and I don't think it's being overly dramatic to say it helped save my life. While I wasn't experiencing any overt symptoms I knew it was just a matter of time. Common sense dictates that you can't drink three bottles of wine a day, seven days a week for 25 years without blowing up your body.
All I can say now is that my old life feels like a dream. Or maybe a nightmare. It's hard to imagine the abuse I put myself through over alcohol, and it's incomprehensible why I let it go as long as I did.
You can change your life, save your life. This place can help. If you want to quit, then believe and know that you can succeed!
Good to have you here at SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 9
Yes. Thanx. I realize so much now the chemical dependence . Its Sunday morning and I'm days away from my biggest challenge and do everything I can to ensure my body is deprived from alcohol . Feeling so great today, normally I know I would have gotten drunk last night. Instead, I ended up having one of the nicest sleeps in a long time .
Thank you for being here and filling our mental glass with hope, not hops.
Thank you for being here and filling our mental glass with hope, not hops.
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