Notmyrealname

Your legal duty to provide her with food, shelter and clothing terminated when she hit eighteen years of age. The gravy train just jumped the tracks and ran into a mountain. Party's over!

If I was you, I would tell her to get the @#$% out of my house.

As a practical matter, I would probably tell her to make arrangements, put her on notice, and schedule a mutually agreed upon time at which she would vacate the premises. Failing that, I would have movers come in and pack all her stuff and move it to a storage locker, and I would have her forcibly removed from the property by the local law enforcement.

That is, after all, what police are all about -- preventing breaches of the peace.

This might make her angry with you, but when people start using you as a doormat and looking at you not as family but as a resource to exploit with little to nothing resembling common courtesy and gratitude, it ain't gonna get much worse than that. Pretty close to bottom rung already, with that.

Dee74

just so people know this thread is 6 months old - Tate hasn't posted since November, but I hope she's doing well

D

KateL

Well done for toughing it out. You have been good to your daughter so as everyone suggests, you must speak out about boundaries. You never know, she might pull her weight a bit. xxxxx

wpainterw

I hear this all the time now. These kids are smart. They've got themselves in a jam (no job, no husband, pregnant, etc.) and they are gaming the system. Mooching off your mother love and good will. It can be hard for them at first but they're far better off out of the house. If you can afford it you can contribute to their support from time to time but only on your own terms. The little bird has got to learn to fly on its own. Don't fall for the "You don't love me routine". That's part of the game. A power play. The real message is "If you don't do just what I say, give me just what I want when I want it, then you don't love me, then you're not a 'good mother'." "Only I can tell you whether you're being a good mother or not. And right now you're being a lousy mother. So shape up and do what I say." Get her out of the nest and make the checks contingent on whether you can afford it and your relationship with her. She'll say, "Oh you're trying to buy me with your money." The only reply to that is "You can interpret this any way you choose. This is what's happening. And what's going to happen."

W.

brit789

Congrats on 30 days! That's awesome.

She is going to continue her behavior as long as you allow her to. She is an adult and you do not owe her anything but love. It's is a privilege to stay in your home and you have every right to set some standards. Getting a job, helping around the house, showing respect would be at the top of my list. If she doesn't like your rules she can live somewhere else where the rules suit her better. If she doesn't have anywhere else to go that is not your problem. Either meet the standards or go somewhere else. I know that sounds harsh but I've seen the same thing in my family and friends' families and that is the only thing that ever works. Good luck and again, congrats!