New, need a plan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dover, NH
Posts: 17
New, need a plan
Hi, I am new here.
I drink too much and am in denial. I chose to not drink last night, and not because I was hung over but because I want to be healthy. I am changing a lot about me right now, becoming a vegetarian, sober and exercising.
I need support and a plan. This is something I want to do, but like so many failed diet attempts, changing habits is hard!
Just lost a friend to stroke, funeral is tomorrow, along with a BBQ after with friends who all drink. I am determined to not drink, but not sure what to expect, both from my own head and from my friends.
Last night, although I wanted to drink wine, I did not. I felt very sad, but distracted myself with making a really nice veggie stir-fry and drank about 3 16oz cups of ice water. Then went to bed.
Not sure what I expect here, but hoping for some guidance, strength, tips, etc.
thanks
I drink too much and am in denial. I chose to not drink last night, and not because I was hung over but because I want to be healthy. I am changing a lot about me right now, becoming a vegetarian, sober and exercising.
I need support and a plan. This is something I want to do, but like so many failed diet attempts, changing habits is hard!
Just lost a friend to stroke, funeral is tomorrow, along with a BBQ after with friends who all drink. I am determined to not drink, but not sure what to expect, both from my own head and from my friends.
Last night, although I wanted to drink wine, I did not. I felt very sad, but distracted myself with making a really nice veggie stir-fry and drank about 3 16oz cups of ice water. Then went to bed.
Not sure what I expect here, but hoping for some guidance, strength, tips, etc.
thanks
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London.
Posts: 54
Maybe realise that it is the very first drink that is the dangerous one. Avoid that and the others do not matter.
I get through events like the one you are facing by just deciding, on the morning in question, that I am not going to pick up that first drink. Not going to touch a glass or a can or what ever that contains alcohol. And ask for help from which ever God you have in your life to do that. So when you get to the event get a cup of coffee in your hand. Or a glass of coke. And talk to somebody. Anybody. Just keep yourself busy. But dont touch anything with alcohol in it.
But just for today. Maybe tomorrow you will have a drink. But for the next 24 hours then no. And if thats a struggle break it down even more. Decide on an hourly basis that you will not pick up the first drink. Even 5 minutes at a time has worked for me.
Good luck. Its worth it, it really is.
I get through events like the one you are facing by just deciding, on the morning in question, that I am not going to pick up that first drink. Not going to touch a glass or a can or what ever that contains alcohol. And ask for help from which ever God you have in your life to do that. So when you get to the event get a cup of coffee in your hand. Or a glass of coke. And talk to somebody. Anybody. Just keep yourself busy. But dont touch anything with alcohol in it.
But just for today. Maybe tomorrow you will have a drink. But for the next 24 hours then no. And if thats a struggle break it down even more. Decide on an hourly basis that you will not pick up the first drink. Even 5 minutes at a time has worked for me.
Good luck. Its worth it, it really is.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
The core of every plan is don't drink. That may be a decision you have to make on a minute by minute basis, but it can and is done with success. In the early stages, it can be especially useful to right down the reasons you need to quit, being very clear about what your drinking does for you, both good and bad. Learn to celebrate sobriety - it is not a sentence for a crime, it is a decision to be free and grow.
Another factor is that "nothing changes if nothing changes". I needed to live my life differently. For me, I had to examine and rediscover my values and principles to identify behaviors that were consistent with them. I have also had to learn to pace myself in my changes. If I take on too many changes at once, I eventually fail.
Another factor is that "nothing changes if nothing changes". I needed to live my life differently. For me, I had to examine and rediscover my values and principles to identify behaviors that were consistent with them. I have also had to learn to pace myself in my changes. If I take on too many changes at once, I eventually fail.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Welcome. Good things said above. I'll add that being honest with our self in regards to our drinking is probably #1 in importance then we DON'T pick up the first drink or all bets/intentions are off. It takes time for recovery to happen and the journey can be enjoyable if we don't complicate it. BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dover, NH
Posts: 17
Thank you Jazz!
I hadn't really thought of it that way before "nothing changes if nothing changes". I just took photos of my body in the mirror, and am shocked at just bad I have let myself get! It's amazing what we can hide under clothes!
I suspect the "sadness" I felt last night was this choice I have to make to walk away from this part of my life. I suppose it would be joy if I knew what healthy and sober felt like. But all I know is how alcohol makes me feel like - which used to be joy and is now just the numb from the harshness of feelings and ever increasing stress.
One of strategies I plan to use in this journey is to relieve my stress. I am not sure how just yet but I suspect regular exercise will help!
It does feel like a punishment and sentence, but I know the mind plays tricks on us and I have to counter the thoughts/justifications with reality and choice for freedom.
I think that, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day is a good way to deal with this because thinking long term, scares the crap out of me!
I keep hearing in my head, I can't do this, I can't do this, I want to but I can't.
Last summer, I went gluten and dairy free (again for health reasons) and for 4 weeks I felt AMAZING! I never knew food tasted so good, all of the chemicals in processed food numb our taste buds just like booze numbs our minds. I am trying so hard to remember what that felt like but cannot.
I will soon though because I am going to limit gluten, eliminate processed foods, and eliminate lactose, increasing veggies and fruits, good fats.
A friend of mine is a health and wellness coach and she has agreed to help me.
I guess one last thing, I am focusing on the food component not because I am downplaying the alcohol part, but because I don't want alcohol and it's avoidance to take over my life. I want to focus on a proactive and positive action - as in eating healthy food, as opposed to not eating junk or not drinking alcohol. I absolutely must not drink, ever again. I don't think I have as severe a reaction as many, but it has become a frequent and ever present part of my everyday life and I don't think I need to "hit bottom" to see the writing on the wall.
Thank you for reading and all the feedback. It is helpful to hear what I need to hear.
BTW, I happen to have a lot of alcohol in my house. 1 unopened 12pck of beer, approx. 8 beers in fridge, and bottle of unopened wine. (I also have other alcohol in my cabinet, which I never drink, probably year old by now). I'm going to bring it all to the BBQ get together as a donation
I hadn't really thought of it that way before "nothing changes if nothing changes". I just took photos of my body in the mirror, and am shocked at just bad I have let myself get! It's amazing what we can hide under clothes!
I suspect the "sadness" I felt last night was this choice I have to make to walk away from this part of my life. I suppose it would be joy if I knew what healthy and sober felt like. But all I know is how alcohol makes me feel like - which used to be joy and is now just the numb from the harshness of feelings and ever increasing stress.
One of strategies I plan to use in this journey is to relieve my stress. I am not sure how just yet but I suspect regular exercise will help!
It does feel like a punishment and sentence, but I know the mind plays tricks on us and I have to counter the thoughts/justifications with reality and choice for freedom.
I think that, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day is a good way to deal with this because thinking long term, scares the crap out of me!
I keep hearing in my head, I can't do this, I can't do this, I want to but I can't.
Last summer, I went gluten and dairy free (again for health reasons) and for 4 weeks I felt AMAZING! I never knew food tasted so good, all of the chemicals in processed food numb our taste buds just like booze numbs our minds. I am trying so hard to remember what that felt like but cannot.
I will soon though because I am going to limit gluten, eliminate processed foods, and eliminate lactose, increasing veggies and fruits, good fats. A friend of mine is a health and wellness coach and she has agreed to help me.
I guess one last thing, I am focusing on the food component not because I am downplaying the alcohol part, but because I don't want alcohol and it's avoidance to take over my life. I want to focus on a proactive and positive action - as in eating healthy food, as opposed to not eating junk or not drinking alcohol. I absolutely must not drink, ever again. I don't think I have as severe a reaction as many, but it has become a frequent and ever present part of my everyday life and I don't think I need to "hit bottom" to see the writing on the wall.
Thank you for reading and all the feedback. It is helpful to hear what I need to hear.
BTW, I happen to have a lot of alcohol in my house. 1 unopened 12pck of beer, approx. 8 beers in fridge, and bottle of unopened wine. (I also have other alcohol in my cabinet, which I never drink, probably year old by now). I'm going to bring it all to the BBQ get together as a donation
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
I think being proactive is a great way to approach the changes you want in your life. Move towards the positive, rather than away from the negative.
For me, I would not go to the drinking part of the funeral service. I couldn't have managed that in early recovery and I had to learn to put my needs first, at that time.
For me, I would not go to the drinking part of the funeral service. I couldn't have managed that in early recovery and I had to learn to put my needs first, at that time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi Kathy, for me the early days were all about distraction. Finding other things to do as your body gets rid of the alcohol. Exercise helps alot. It helps get toxins out thru sweat and releases hormones that make you feel better. Cleaning, art projects, going out to bookstores, thriftstores, and anywhere there is no alcohol and people doing healthy activities. Best wishes to you. Sobriety is worth it and it gets easier. Good job!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
Hi Kathy!
My advice?
Keep your "plan" childishly simple.
Don't worry about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Instead, put all of your energy, meaning all of your mind, body, heart and soul into staying clean and sober today and today only.
The smaller you make the goal, the more achievable it becomes.
I wouldn't go to that BBQ tomorrow either. After the funeral I would simply skip out. Don't put any more pressure on yourself than is absolutely necessary.If they ask why, tell them you're not feeling well.
Good luck and God Bless
My advice?
Keep your "plan" childishly simple.
Don't worry about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Instead, put all of your energy, meaning all of your mind, body, heart and soul into staying clean and sober today and today only.
The smaller you make the goal, the more achievable it becomes.
I wouldn't go to that BBQ tomorrow either. After the funeral I would simply skip out. Don't put any more pressure on yourself than is absolutely necessary.If they ask why, tell them you're not feeling well.
Good luck and God Bless
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