EndStage

I have been working the steps with my sponsor and right now I'm not at a complete stand still, more of a pause ... My sponsor has told me that "Steps take time. Do not rush through them and remember that God will meet you where YOU are not where you think you should be."

I'm at a place right now where I know what I need to do yet, the thought of completely turning my will over to my Higher Power, in whom I choose to call God, is a little unreal right now.

Growing up my trust was completely distroyed and I am VERY self dependent.

So the thought of just giving up my will to God ... It's a battle within me.

I know that when I was drinking, that was me without God ... Thinking that I had complete control over everything ... I drank to blackout hoping that would kill me because I didn't have the guts to try to do it myself.

Again, I know what I need to do ... there is doubt. "What if" I do step three, say the prayer ... yet I know in my heart that I'm still not trusting God as I should. Doing step three will be pointless and a waste of time. Right?

Or am I just thinking to much into this?

sugarbear1

spirituality is a journey, not an event

Grungehead

I responded to your post on the 12 step forum.

You can do this, try not to over think it.

EndStage

I responded back to you ... lol. Thanks Grungehead

GracieLou

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

I think the way I understand him grows and changes as I grow and change. It is a process and as sugarbear pointed out, a journey.

I don't think we have to have the whole picture before we make this step and in reality we are never going to really have the whole picture.

Db1105

I made AA a Power Greater than myself when I first came into AA. Step 3 tells me that if I want to stay sober, I have to continue on and work steps 4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11, and 12. That's what I did.

visch1

"Or am I just thinking to much into this?" KISS! Perhaps, we alkies do have a tenancy to complicate things. I had similar problems with this step and was told to pick what I wanted as long as it wasn't ME. It was pointed out to me that a lot of higher powers were in my life already, wife, boss, IRS, police, judge, PO, and jailers.
Something else I believe is if we're having a problem with any step go back to the previous one. BE WELL

LadyBlue0527

EndStage, I'm glad that you posted this.

This is something that I struggled with a bit too myself. It's a great feat and task to take under consideration. You are searching for something that you feel is so powerful that you can look to when you're in your worst moments that will provide relief. Someone or something that will remove that urge and need to drink. That's heavy stuff because the thought of not drinking for us alcoholics is scary in and of itself.

I did a lot of soul searching and pondering. I grew up in a Roman Catholic family right down to receiving all sacraments, attending church every Sunday, etc. As I grew into adulthood and really got familiar with the world my belief in God waned. I didn't go along with a lot of what was taught to me about religion and God in general. Therefore I believed that I had totally lost my faith. However, we all need something to believe in so I continued to talk to God having conversations and asking for assistance when needed. When I did good things I could feel the spirit flowing through me. I came to the conclusion that I had my own personal views on who God was and what I believed to be true. I concluded that even though I didn't believe in the God that I had been raised to believe in that I still had my person who I chose to believe in to talk to.

One day I was out in the sun and again pondering how I was going to come up with something more powerful than me that was going to help me overcome one of, if not the most, important and hardest tasks of my life. So I'm laying there and I start to talk to my "person" and I think there was a proverbial ball peen hammer that came down on my head. The words AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM entered my mind and then I sat up abruptly and realized that my higher power was already here and had been here all along! All my life I turned from (I mean no disrespect to anyone here) what I found to be somewhat silliness and had invented my own person, taking from the rules that I knew morally to be correct and dropping what I felt was the silliness. It never hit me until that day that this was God AS I UNDERSTOOD HIM. Wow, I am all about logic and talk about being devoid of it. It was quite the awakening. All this time I had an aversion to AA previously because I was told that I had to find a higher power. Since the word God is used my assumption was that this was the same God that I had been raised to believe in and that I had to feel about him the same way that everyone did that believed in him.

When you are having a hard time and can't talk to anyone who do you look to? Are you completely devoid of prayer? What I mean by this is when there's a really tough situation do you ever say silently to yourself "Please help me through this, help me make it through this"?

This post may help a little or not at all but I had to try. In either case I'll be thinking of you and hope that you find your answer.

Threshold

For me, Sobriety is a power greater than my addiction.

Am I willing to turn my life over to Sobriety? If I am not...the steps are pointless. If I am not willing to get sober, learn to live sober...then why am I there?

So, Sobriety it is!

As I move forward I get to know Sobriety better, develop a relationship with it, understand what it's "will" for me is and how to live that.

quitforme79

I struggled with this too as I was very self dependent & felt turning it over was somewhat of a cop out. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was also dependent on alcohol & that in reality it was my higher power for a long time. So having a hard time turning my will over to a living & caring creator became a little easier. I did the step with my sponser & every morning said the prayer & had faith I would start to really FEEL comfortable enough to practice this step in all my affairs. Not just with drinking but with relationships, work, finances etc. it took some time to feel truly connected to my new and loving higher power (God) but over time it happened. And It's still
Something I work on daily because I still try to take my will back & rely on myself. Old habits die hard. The 3rd step prayer is part of my daily routine & it will always be. I say it out loud & it really helps me start the day off on a positive note and reminds me to be aware of my character defects as they pop up thru the day. My favorite line "relieve me of the bondage of self so that I may better do thy will" the bondage for me being my character defects & alcoholic thinking. I hope this helped a little, it's such a wonderful journey & there's so much to learn. Keep posting & asking questions , it was helpful to me to think about this step in more depth today so thank you

bbthumper

Step 3 is a decision. The turning over of your will and life is a life-long process. Step 3 is a decision to do what it takes to make that happen. Basically a decision to work steps 4-12.
Willingness is the key. You don't have to be comfortable with it. Just willing. Do you believe or are you willing to believe that your life would be better off if God was in control? Are you willing to stop playing God? Then its time to move on in my opinion. A lot of people get hung up on step 3 trying to fully understand God, but our limited understanding is sufficient as long as willingness is there. It doesn't have to be complicated. You can do it!