Identity Crisis
 

Let me give the back story, then I will pose the question.... I have been drinking since 14, and heavily since 16. My wife and I married at age 23 and I was pretty much already an alcoholic. All in I have been a heavy drinker for 24 years, and longer than I have known my wife.

Now that I am sober I have no idea who I am. I have never been sober as an adult for more than a couple days and have never established an identity of my own. Everything I have done, and everything I know is either as a child or as a drinking couple. This leaves me a bit scared as I am facing the reality that A. I do not know how to be an adult, and B. That the person I have been with for many years isn't the same person now that I am not drinking. Another scary thing is that I find that I am really a boring person, without drinking I find that I am the person I would want to kick the crap out of a few months ago. I don't seem to have a personality.

Anyone else struggling with this? Any tips how you are dealing with it?

I am trying to post daily discussing whats going on I think because it helps when I get the urge to drink that I feel like I will be letting more than myself down. Made a habbit over the last 24 years of letting myself down so it doesn't bother me much.

Thanks for reading.

Your words could have come directly from myself, as this is how I am feeling after almost two weeks sober. However I have been trying to assure myself that this is a fairly vulnerable time, and so early on in the process that I really don't know what sort of person I'll become once I stop obsessing over sobriety. Right now I'm restless, unable to comfortably talk to the few people left in my life and feeling a bit lost. For me, I'm going to have to re-establish who I am, to myself, and for myself.

Sorry, I don't have any answers for you, but I just thought I would pop in to let you know that I understand what you're going through.

I didn't know who I was either. But discovered after getting sober that I was indeed a decent person who deserved better than how I was treating myself.:)

I was an addict from age 19 to age 41. It does feel like being a child learning to do things and interact with people for the first time. Figuring out who I am and where I belong is a process. Give yourself a break and give it some time.

I was so worried about being boring once I got clean. The truth is that I was incredibly boring when I was stoned all the time. My old party friends are boring. Fighting with my girlfriend about drugs and alcohol all the time was so boring. I can't imagine anything more boring than my old stagnant life getting wasted night after night doing the same old routine for twenty years.

WhydidIwait, me too, I boring now that I'm 3 years, and I am only beginning to get a new identity. I'm content to live with it. Rootin for ya. :egypt:

That was me too. I was terrified of the person I would become sober, and for the first I don't know how many months I felt like a zombie. I was bland and had no idea what I was doing. It's a very unsettling time. But at some point I started getting glimpses of my personality back and I realised something pretty scary and simultaneously really cool, that I was exactly the same person I was when I was drinking. I was just on hold for a bit while I figured out what the hell was going on. Of course there was a down side, that I was still a bit feckless and rubbish with money and still wasn't the most motivated person in the world, but the good news was that I wasn't too annoyingly perfect and smug and I didn't have to kill myself, yay. I don't know how long you've been sober but if you give it more time I am sure it will all straighten itself out :)

I didn't have much of a personality until I started doing the work. What I got was a life that I wouldn't trade with anyone.

I had no idea who I was, or how to live soberly either. But I learned...it was hard, especially in the early days, but rather than being the terror filled trip I feared it might be it was actually a lot of fun, by the end.

We may start as metaphorical babies but we are adults - we pick up things pretty quickly.

As for boring...you may find that as you stay sober your perceptions on things change as you do...sure 2006 drunk out of my head immature as hell me might think 2013 me is boring if he could see me know.....but I'll take this life and this me everytime :)

You'll be fine :)

D

Whydidiwait: Try and keep in mind it took you many years to learn these patterns and develop your relationship with alcohol and it will certainly take some time to break it off and learn who you are and can become, be patient and give yourself a chance, you deserve it!!
Also, tho it may take some time try and look at the positives that you can become someone you've always wanted to be, and experience things you may have dreamed about but never did because you were too loaded. Living sober can be hard, but it can also be a whole new chance at things you never dreamed possible. You can do it.

CH

I TOTALLY GET THIS!! I really really do. I can put down the drink, but who the hell am I? I don't feel comfortable not knowing who I am at all. I feel desperate, confused, sad and empty. I actually asked my doctor if I might have had a personality disorder! Rubbish, it was just booze. I hadn't realise how much of a haze it had left over me.

I'm not suggesting you do this but... I'm learning to skydive! and I'm trying wakeboarding tomorrow! These are things I've always wanted to try but been too drunk / hungover to even think about attempting them. I'm not sure if this is who I am or anything, I do feel a bit better that I'm trying to discover who I am tho.

Is there anything you've wanted to do but been unable to do because of drinking? Is it worth trying out a new hobby to see if there is something you enjoy doing? You might not necessarily find something, but at least you'll feel a bit better that you are trying.

sicknote

Oh. I also seem to be having a sense of humour failure, I'm not sure what to do about that one :(