James18

There's an atmoshere at home today you could cut with a knife. My GF has been out of sorts because her kids are away with their dad (who she hates). I get that she's pissed about this, but she's been sulking for three weeks now and it's wearing thin. I feel like exploding! We've already had this out once, we both apologized - me for blowing up about it, her for being a sulky pain in the ass! and now it's back to the same old already. I may as well not be here. No physical contact from her whatsoever, one word answers and not much else in the way of conversation...I ask her what's wrong - nothing. Ask if she wants to go somewhere or doing anything - meh, whatever. It's driving me mad! She had a few drinks last night and I refused, I don't think that's not helped either. I'm on day 3 with no cigs or booze, I'm tired and pissed off! I'm getting sick of trying with her. I know if I had a drink it would calm me down.

ZoeM

Can you not go for a walk / swimming / anything and get some space between the two of you for an hour or two - let things simmer down?

PS - Drink = withdrawals - you want those tomorrow?

James18

Yeah, I'm gonna have to try something. I don't wanna find myself calling into the pub or the off license though while I'm out. I've already been to the shops a couple of times but I'm so tired after god knows how many sleepless nights I don't feel up to doing a great deal or dealing with anyone. I know the sleep issue isn't helping either, but I'm getting fed up of making the effort and getting it thrown back in my face.

I'm not drinking, it'll make things worse. That's what I feel like doing though.

ZoeM

Yeah, I understand what you mean
I have to admit, I always used to avoid alcohol if I was stressed, as it had the opposite effect on me and I would 'get everything off my chest' that had been bugging me. Invariably it made the given situation worse

lessgravity

I like to think about this analogy I read -

So drinking calms you down? It relaxes you? The next time you have a big presentation at work that you are nervous about, why not have a couple scotches? Your 12 year old nephew is upset that his friends bullied him - take him out for a couple beers to relax him!

Drinking doesn't relax, it doesn't calm, it does NOT solve anything except the desire to drink.

Suffer well through this tough time. That's what to do.

James18

Exactly what will happen.

ScottFromWI

While all these things are stressors James, you are following a
typical alcoholic pattern of using them as excuses to go back to drinking. Based on all of your recent threads I'm guessing that's not where you really want to go, is it?

All of these things you are trying to escape are things we need to learn to deal with in sobriety. Especially in the first few weeks this can be extremely difficult, but you have to do it bit by bit.

ZoeM

I always find 'Bejewled Blitz' on fb GREAT for stress relief

choublak

It's not you. Try not to take her anger personally.

SnoozyQ

Been there done that Zoe. , now im on level 89 in candy crush ...the things we do to distract ourselves eh.James , taking the dog for a walk might help , or you on your own if u dont have one . Good luck x

ReadyAtLast

She may feel resentful/angry towards you because of your drinking or there mayjust be other issues in your relationship that you both need to work on or call it a day. either way, you will be able to deal with it so much better by NOT drinking. Drinking will just make everything worse and solve nothing.

Day 3 is pretty lousy anyway. For me getting sober has really made me lookat my relationship and deal with the stuff I've been ignoring. Not pleasant sometimes but hiding away getting pished is no life either

James18

Thanks for the replies, I've taken myself out of the way and have calmed down a bit. The mood I am in today, I have no way of knowing if it's me being touchy or her being difficult, although I know it's partly me and maybe both. I'm in no fit state today to be dealing with things, but I'm not gonna drink. I'm gonna keep my head down and mouth shut til this mood lightens.

Serenity1972

Hi James,

I am sorry you are going through this right now, but drinking won't resolve the issue. It may for a short period but the problems will still be there tomorrow. I had to keep telling myself this as I tend to lean toward the drink during stressful and emotional times. It would rather learn to deal with my problems sober than deal with them hungover, something that I haven't done until recently. It is tough, but it does get a little easier with time. We just have to retrain our brains to deal with it instead of avoid it.

Maybe getting out of the house for a while will help?

James18

I deleted my facebook account due to drunken antics of one kind or another. If I have no one to drink with FB was my second port of call, so it had to go!

ZoeM

You just reminded me - the amount of 4am's I spent frantically deleting posts from fb, before my 'friends' woke up and read them, was unreal x

James18

Done that so many times...I've also struck up friendships (of sorts) with people I have no intention of seeing when sober. My drunken self and sober self rarely see eye to eye - it's one of my main reasons for wanting to quit. It's makes me seem unreliable and two-faced.

I read on here where someone said "keeping their life small" helped them in recovery. This made sense and FB seemed to fly in the face of it.

Mizzuno

Hi James. Some days are plain hard, and there is no way around it. I think I can get in the moods that you are describing of your partner, also my husband is very inconsolable while in a mood. Its difficult, and I feel like there is glass all around me.
Go into another space and leave her be. I know you will feel better after a nights sleep. I am glad that you are not drinking.
Maybe a conversation is in order about her moods when the children are away.Even if that means it will turn into an argument. You would think she would be happy to have a little time free. I am not a bio mom though, and so I can only come from a step parent perspective.

whiskeyman

if there are no kids there, why dont you guys go on a date.
A movie or dinner.
do something outta the ordinary. something you dont do everyday.
Pretend its your first date.

James18

This is the problem: the kids live with their dad, who is being difficult about her seeing them through no fault of her/our own. She has kind of given up trying to fight him but is constantly thinking about them etc. and wants to see more of them. He has money and she's convinced she won't be able to win in a court battle and won't put the kids through that anyway. I said it might not come to that and you have rights etc. etc. but she's defeated on the subject. I get angry and frustrated when she won't do anything about it. I lost my temper and told her not to talk to me about it, unless she's gonna follow through and do something about the situation.

Anyway, I'm sorry for ranting

ZoeM

James - I see you're in s.yorks. Tell her to go to the local 'Women's Centre' - they are experts in advice for this sort of thing. I went through very similar and they even have expert lawyers

Ps It sounds like the ex has ground her into the soil and the Womens Centre, will build her back up, trust me x