When does sobriety become a part time job?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by ImperfectlyMe 
My question to the long term sober soldiers is... When does sobriety become less of my daily focus.
coming up on six years sober here
don't really wish to call it less of a daily focus today
but
with not much effort
sobriety does just seem to come natural today
I still keep fresh
have a Christian AA Sponsor
hit an occasional meeting
attend church
study the Bible and the AA Big Book
it's just built into me today
I don't drink
if someone doesn't know that and offers me a drink
I usually say
no thanks I'm not drinking today
Mountainman
don't really wish to call it less of a daily focus today
but
with not much effort
sobriety does just seem to come natural today
I still keep fresh
have a Christian AA Sponsor
hit an occasional meeting
attend church
study the Bible and the AA Big Book
it's just built into me today
I don't drink
if someone doesn't know that and offers me a drink
I usually say
no thanks I'm not drinking today
Mountainman
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I think this varies tremendously person to person. Clearly there are people, years into sobriety whom find it helpful to devote a number of hours a day to active recovery, focusing on sobriety. They do it because they feel that it enhances their lives and makes the rest of their productive life possible.
Others find after 6 months or a year of focused recovery work they can pretty much get back to living without giving it much thought.
I've been in active addiction since childhood. I have a number of underlying issues that make getting through any day a challenge for stretches of time. It takes active effort and focus for me to live a non destructive day when I am in a challenging period. Sucks. but it is my reality right now.
If we use the disease model of addiction, the disease manifests differently in different people. what is reality for one, is complacency to another. If you are in remission, heck, enjoy it, enjoy the heck out of your productive life and freedom from active addiction. as long as you are not engaging in habits and thinking that is going to throw you into relapse I think it's fine.
some of us have to stay constantly vigilant, but I know many people who get sober and can pretty much get on with their life.
Others find after 6 months or a year of focused recovery work they can pretty much get back to living without giving it much thought.
I've been in active addiction since childhood. I have a number of underlying issues that make getting through any day a challenge for stretches of time. It takes active effort and focus for me to live a non destructive day when I am in a challenging period. Sucks. but it is my reality right now.
If we use the disease model of addiction, the disease manifests differently in different people. what is reality for one, is complacency to another. If you are in remission, heck, enjoy it, enjoy the heck out of your productive life and freedom from active addiction. as long as you are not engaging in habits and thinking that is going to throw you into relapse I think it's fine.
some of us have to stay constantly vigilant, but I know many people who get sober and can pretty much get on with their life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Yeah, I guess it varies depending on the person.
When I got sober (the first time, stayed sober 14 years), AA was like working two full time jobs. I worked a f/t job, lived in a half-way house for alkies, and had to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, after which it was required to go to no less than 4 meetings a week.
After a couple of years, I went down to 3 a week, also went to 'round ups' and was 'of service' (chairing meetings, going on AA calls, etc.) All my friends/socializing was pretty much with AA folk - which was fine for me (as a natural introvert, I don't make/keep friends easily or well). I continued this way for years.
Then after a move, I quit going to meetings....two years after that I drank - and have been drinking for 11-12 years (I'm on my 5th day, for about the fifth time now).
So, yeah, I think the intensity of attention can reduce somewhat over time, but to assume complete remission (not that anyone suggested this - just what I did) starts the countdown for returning to drinking/drugging - for me. And, as shown by my continued struggle to get sober - there's absolutely NO guarantee one will be able to get sober/clean again.
When I got sober (the first time, stayed sober 14 years), AA was like working two full time jobs. I worked a f/t job, lived in a half-way house for alkies, and had to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, after which it was required to go to no less than 4 meetings a week.
After a couple of years, I went down to 3 a week, also went to 'round ups' and was 'of service' (chairing meetings, going on AA calls, etc.) All my friends/socializing was pretty much with AA folk - which was fine for me (as a natural introvert, I don't make/keep friends easily or well). I continued this way for years.
Then after a move, I quit going to meetings....two years after that I drank - and have been drinking for 11-12 years (I'm on my 5th day, for about the fifth time now).
So, yeah, I think the intensity of attention can reduce somewhat over time, but to assume complete remission (not that anyone suggested this - just what I did) starts the countdown for returning to drinking/drugging - for me. And, as shown by my continued struggle to get sober - there's absolutely NO guarantee one will be able to get sober/clean again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
my wish and prayer
Originally Posted by Threshold
some of us have to stay constantly vigilant
I don't ever wish to forget what a hard life that was
staying involved in ones and others recovery helps a lot
so as to remember
and
when we happen by God's grace
to help just one to escape
it's all worth it
my wish and prayer is that
none would have to suffer such as I did
Mountainman
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"When does sobriety become a part time job? "
"When does sobriety become less of my daily focus."
when I don't want to be sober.
it took time and footwork, but today sobriety is how I live. everything I do, everything I think, must be focused on being a better man and getting farther away from that last drunk.
practicepracticepractice. its all im doin.
"When does sobriety become less of my daily focus."
when I don't want to be sober.
it took time and footwork, but today sobriety is how I live. everything I do, everything I think, must be focused on being a better man and getting farther away from that last drunk.
practicepracticepractice. its all im doin.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I think I get where you're coming from ImperfectlyMe.
Will there ever come a day where I'll just "be"? Every day I enjoy the fact that I am sober and am thankful for that. Will there ever come a day where I don't have to consciously think of it and it will be just a fact? If I'm on the right track it's not even that you're referring to that being the case every single day but just any day at all.
In reading through the posts I saw something that caught my eye and made sense. How much of our life did we spend thinking of drinking on a daily basis and we didn't question that? It only makes sense that we now have traded over to thinking of not drinking.
Who knows. Great question though! I've wondered the same myself. I do know that it's getting more comfortable to cognitively think of the fact that I just don't drink. I've found acceptance rather than questioning but there are the days that questioning is still there.
Will there ever come a day where I'll just "be"? Every day I enjoy the fact that I am sober and am thankful for that. Will there ever come a day where I don't have to consciously think of it and it will be just a fact? If I'm on the right track it's not even that you're referring to that being the case every single day but just any day at all.
In reading through the posts I saw something that caught my eye and made sense. How much of our life did we spend thinking of drinking on a daily basis and we didn't question that? It only makes sense that we now have traded over to thinking of not drinking.
Who knows. Great question though! I've wondered the same myself. I do know that it's getting more comfortable to cognitively think of the fact that I just don't drink. I've found acceptance rather than questioning but there are the days that questioning is still there.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Others have said it varies from person to person, and I agree with this.
I think the trick is to find out what and just how much (and for how long) you need to maintain your own sobriety... easier said than done perhaps
I look back at my two relapses as training grounds for trial and error... I found what works and doesn't work. I will keep doing the things that help me on a day to day basis. And no more.
There is no sense in pushing yourself to overload and causing even more stress. Some people like to attend daily meetings, other don't even go to meetings... There are those who have a very regimented routine of sponsorship, meetings and specific service work, and some will find solace in meditation, exercise and healthy eating (activities that aren't necessarily "recovery" activities)... there is a place along that spectrum for you.
I think the trick is to find out what and just how much (and for how long) you need to maintain your own sobriety... easier said than done perhaps
I look back at my two relapses as training grounds for trial and error... I found what works and doesn't work. I will keep doing the things that help me on a day to day basis. And no more. There is no sense in pushing yourself to overload and causing even more stress. Some people like to attend daily meetings, other don't even go to meetings... There are those who have a very regimented routine of sponsorship, meetings and specific service work, and some will find solace in meditation, exercise and healthy eating (activities that aren't necessarily "recovery" activities)... there is a place along that spectrum for you.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by ImperfectlyMe
My question to the long term sober soldiers is... When does sobriety become less of my daily focus.
Not that I will drink or think I'm not an alcoholic, I know I will always be an alcoholic. Just want to know if ever you come to a mental homeostasis where it just is what is.... And start a life where that's your past.
It really comes down to how comfortable you are and want to be making the choices that make the difference in how you live out your sober lifestyle. I'm a recovered alcoholic with a successful life without drinking now since 1981. As the years went by I was less and less challenged by my alcoholism since its actually arrested and in remission. Its not cured, lol, but its completely otherwise dead to me. I don't need to be concerned its somehow gonna surprise me and give me a beat down, lol.
Some people, by personal choice from what I can understand, need to keep a short leash on their past alcoholism/drinking and need to keep checking its pulse - for me, like I'm always saying, its essentially dead to me. I have no worries around my alcoholism.
Do I work at keeping sober today? I work at living my life, and what has worked for more then three decades of not drinking continues to work within my life is a better way to explain my sober experiences and lifestyle. Sobriety is an essential everyday normal experience for me - just like being happy and productive is too. Gratitude and service to others is a daily staple on my menu.
I was really a mess when I quit at 24. Chronic alcoholism. Mental illness. Jobless. Street life. Hospital stays and a night in jail. I kept drinking. When I finally did quit with a supervised detox and rehab it took me about three months to get going with living and it was just under a year before I really believed I was gonna have a good and successful life. By two years in I was into my recovered status ongoing. By five years in I was living my chosen life with total abandon. My addiction chains to my alcoholism illness have been unshackled for decades now. I'll never ever be enslaved to alcohol/drugs again - I'm permanently recovered and it's completely effortless now. Seriously.
You have a great attitude, ImperfectlyMe. You also have a great belief in yourself and your success too. Awesome! Go with it! The suffering and the difficult work really does come to a successful and happy conclusion. I'm speaking from experience, naturally, lol.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I also agree it varies from person to person. For me it is about balance.
I work full time and I have five meetings a week that are part of my planned routine but I can take in one more if I feel like I need it or miss one if I am truly tired or something comes up. Thursday and Sunday or my days off, not from sobriety/recovery, but just some me time. Sunday I do meet with my sponsor which can last an hour or two but most of the day it mine.
Now that I type it out it looks like a lot but it has become so much of my routine every week that is does not seem over the top. It is just what I do now. Maybe I do better with a routine. It is just like my job is the same hours at the same place with the same people so are my meetings to the most part and I don't see that changing but I like a few curve balls. Like his Friday I am going with some AA friends on a small road trip to a meeting that is 45 minutes away to support a friend that is giving a lead. I still have my meeting but at a new place which I think is going to be good for me. Variety is the spice of life!
I want to go to meetings. I agree that sometimes the step work can be, at least for me, mentally exhausting but I am working toward a greater life and for me to be a better person and I already see the rewards and I want more.
My life is so much better now I can't even imagine going back and I started drinking when I was eighteen so I don't even know who that person was.
It is like I am growing up for the first time and I kinda like it.
I work full time and I have five meetings a week that are part of my planned routine but I can take in one more if I feel like I need it or miss one if I am truly tired or something comes up. Thursday and Sunday or my days off, not from sobriety/recovery, but just some me time. Sunday I do meet with my sponsor which can last an hour or two but most of the day it mine.
Now that I type it out it looks like a lot but it has become so much of my routine every week that is does not seem over the top. It is just what I do now. Maybe I do better with a routine. It is just like my job is the same hours at the same place with the same people so are my meetings to the most part and I don't see that changing but I like a few curve balls. Like his Friday I am going with some AA friends on a small road trip to a meeting that is 45 minutes away to support a friend that is giving a lead. I still have my meeting but at a new place which I think is going to be good for me. Variety is the spice of life!
I want to go to meetings. I agree that sometimes the step work can be, at least for me, mentally exhausting but I am working toward a greater life and for me to be a better person and I already see the rewards and I want more.
My life is so much better now I can't even imagine going back and I started drinking when I was eighteen so I don't even know who that person was.
It is like I am growing up for the first time and I kinda like it.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Unfortunately I am unable to cite where I found the following but when I came across it I pasted it in my "sobriety journal".
As defined here..it is something I do have to be in touch with everyday of my life as it is simply the work of living right. Sobriety to me is so much more than simply keeping alcohol out of my system.
To be sober in mind and in body, according to the definition of the Greek word in the Bible, is:
... to be dispassionate--not warped, prejudiced, swerved, or carried away by passion or feeling; judicial; calm; composed;
... to have a moderate estimate of one's self;
... to be circumspect--that is, to pay attention to all circumstances and probable consequences;
... to be sane.
As defined here..it is something I do have to be in touch with everyday of my life as it is simply the work of living right. Sobriety to me is so much more than simply keeping alcohol out of my system.
To be sober in mind and in body, according to the definition of the Greek word in the Bible, is:
... to be dispassionate--not warped, prejudiced, swerved, or carried away by passion or feeling; judicial; calm; composed;
... to have a moderate estimate of one's self;
... to be circumspect--that is, to pay attention to all circumstances and probable consequences;
... to be sane.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Unfortunately I am unable to cite where I found the following but when I came across it I pasted it in my "sobriety journal".
As defined here..it is something I do have to be in touch with everyday of my life as it is simply the work of living right. Sobriety to me is so much more than simply keeping alcohol out of my system.
To be sober in mind and in body, according to the definition of the Greek word in the Bible, is:
... to be dispassionate--not warped, prejudiced, swerved, or carried away by passion or feeling; judicial; calm; composed;
... to have a moderate estimate of one's self;
... to be circumspect--that is, to pay attention to all circumstances and probable consequences;
... to be sane.
As defined here..it is something I do have to be in touch with everyday of my life as it is simply the work of living right. Sobriety to me is so much more than simply keeping alcohol out of my system.
To be sober in mind and in body, according to the definition of the Greek word in the Bible, is:
... to be dispassionate--not warped, prejudiced, swerved, or carried away by passion or feeling; judicial; calm; composed;
... to have a moderate estimate of one's self;
... to be circumspect--that is, to pay attention to all circumstances and probable consequences;
... to be sane.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Unfortunately I am unable to cite where I found the following but when I came across it I pasted it in my "sobriety journal".
As defined here..it is something I do have to be in touch with everyday of my life as it is simply the work of living right. Sobriety to me is so much more than simply keeping alcohol out of my system.
To be sober in mind and in body, according to the definition of the Greek word in the Bible, is:
... to be dispassionate--not warped, prejudiced, swerved, or carried away by passion or feeling; judicial; calm; composed;
... to have a moderate estimate of one's self;
... to be circumspect--that is, to pay attention to all circumstances and probable consequences;
... to be sane.
As defined here..it is something I do have to be in touch with everyday of my life as it is simply the work of living right. Sobriety to me is so much more than simply keeping alcohol out of my system.
To be sober in mind and in body, according to the definition of the Greek word in the Bible, is:
... to be dispassionate--not warped, prejudiced, swerved, or carried away by passion or feeling; judicial; calm; composed;
... to have a moderate estimate of one's self;
... to be circumspect--that is, to pay attention to all circumstances and probable consequences;
... to be sane.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think in essense you're asking when do you stop obsessing about not drinking the same way we used to obsess about drinking?
Of course, fleeting thoughts about alcohol will occur each day. Seeing an advertisement for example, or passing a bar or restaurant with a neon beer sign will evoke thoughts of alcohol. But ideally, I hope to progress to a point where such situations mean the thoughts of alcohol only last a few seconds and my thoughts immediately return to the minutiae of my daily, sober life.
Judging from my 5 months sober last year, I'm hoping I get to this point within 3 to 4 months this time around.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by ImperfectlyMe
... Do you ever go back to the person you were before you drank? I'm all in my sobriety at least at this point is not in jeopardy. One day I would like to think that I can look back at this time of my life and see it as a happened not a happening.
Spiritual based recovery is a whole new way of life that involves many new habits, new principles and new expectations. Where I once lived for the pursuit of happiness, I now seek peace of mind, joy & sense of purpose.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Wanted to bump this old thread I've seen a lot of post lately where people are feeling exactly what I felt. Will there EVER be a day that being sober won't be so much work? There are many wonderful responses in this thread that helped me turn the corner especially Dee, Robby, Ladyblue
Being sober today is definitely not a full time job any more. I've finally come to a place where it just is. It feels more like a lifestyle choice then a jail sentence being served
Keep fighting it does get easier and it definitely gets BETTER!
I've seen a lot of post lately where people are feeling exactly what I felt. Will there EVER be a day that being sober won't be so much work? There are many wonderful responses in this thread that helped me turn the corner especially Dee, Robby, LadyblueBeing sober today is definitely not a full time job any more. I've finally come to a place where it just is. It feels more like a lifestyle choice then a jail sentence being served
Keep fighting it does get easier and it definitely gets BETTER!
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
It took me about a year. I hadn't thought about it much for years, but got fibromyalgia and became a bit miserable. Since posting here, of course I am reminded of it a bit more, but it makes me count my blessings.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
