smadams11

well day 1 down! thank you all for everything. i guess i will be back tomorrow.
now im going to go to sleep so i wake up with determination tomorrow
x

Mizzuno

Im so proud of you. I read through your little journey here, and I am quite impressed with how well you did. This is what we are here for. You made it!!!!


I know it was hard, and at moments you may think the world is over. The good thing to know is that it is only a moment. It gets easier and easier. Please come back to us because we need you here.

JustSarah

Hey smadams - how are you doing today? I popped to Tescos earlier and found some 0%alcahol wine - just thought it may help you a bit. I'll be trying mine tonight as orange juice and lemonade gets a bit sickly after a while and I think I'm one of the few peeps in England that doesn't like tea good luck for tonight - stay strong xxxxx

smadams11

i hate alcohol! sorry, but any alcohol tastes rank. i drink to get drunk so no 0% for me im afraid!
can i ask, does your hubby being around make it harder for you? i dont know what it is but thats torture for me. some advice is needed to overcome having him around! pathetic isnt it?
x

MindlessSmarts

Smadams,
Have you ever thought that it's the simple fact of having a man around because of your past. I am just getting out of an abusive relationship and it's funny because I felt the need to drink while he was around as well. As soon as he stepped throught the door. It's like you need to drink to pretend he's not there or to be ready for a fight. Maybe because of your past deep down you feel like you have to be ready to deal with the worst from a man. That's how it was for me. Now that it's just me and the kids, I don't have that terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that says 'if you are a little numb it wont be as bad'. Hope this helps and this place is the best psychiatry I have come across!!

MindlessSmarts

Oh, and maybe be a little selfish with you SO. Tell him you need him to tell you awesome things about yourself when he's around so that you get that positive feeling instead of dread. Make him tell you your beautiful and a good mom and you're doing great. I wrote notes all around my house and put them in cupboards ect for that purpose. Does he even know what you're trying to accomplish?

JustSarah

It was worth a try smadams . I have always been the 'drinker' out of me and my hubby - he is one of those normal drinkers who really can take or leave it. Since I've started the process of quitting, he has really cut back and doesn't drink at home anymore which has really helped me too and I definitely don't mind him drinking when we go to the pub. Sorry - it's prob not the answer you were looking for. Have you spoke to your fella about what you're trying to do? If he knows he may be able to help a bit

Let us know how you do today xxxx

smadams11

My Boyfriend is one of those 'just don't have a drink' people-he isn't being mean-he just doesn't understand. He has never touched alcohol cigs or drugs and has never been in any trouble. He is so responsible and has never had any problems.
Maybe you are right about it being just a man thing cause I was sober when he worked nights.
I will just try to ignore the feelings and try to work on getting over what happened.
Others have overcome much more
Thank you all again. Isn't it strange that strangers with similar struggles are sometimes more supportive than the people who love us and know us best.
X

MindlessSmarts

It is funny that strangers can get it better than loved ones. But (in my case) in my life I feel that I have to be as close to perfect as possible and no one in my circle has ever struggled with this except my father who passed away four years ago. SO, if I let them know, I know they would think less of me and treat me as a 'patient' not a person who is just trying to better themselves. Ignoring the feelings may work for you for now, in the early stages, but at some point, having to face these feelings, and find out the root of that problem with your hubs is going to be what make's the most difference. You have to find the root to rid the weed from your life!

Babs78756

smadams11 - I thought your bf brought home the beer and was drinking while watching Star Wars/Trek? If he doesn't drink or smoke, drugs... maybe you can find strength in that one day?

Mizzuno

Yes, you said that your BF brought home beer and it was by the door. You did not want to touch it to put it in the fridge because you would drink. I am confused?

JustSarah

Hi smadams, if your Boyf doesn't drink then maybe it's best if you put the beer in your car boot or garage or something? Just a thought as I found that getting all alcahol out the house helped me but I didn't want to throw wine away as I didn't want to waste it (its for when we have people round). At least not seeing it every time I went in he fridge was a good start .

I know what you mean about strangers understanding - I think we can be more honest here than with the people we know - only my hubby knows how far I had gone and I don't think it's anyone else's business to be honest. With him and SR I am finding my own way and re-defining who I am without alcohol. At this point I don't need to understand the 'whys' i get blind drunk and black out - I just need to accept that I can never drink again and lead a perfectly happy life without alcohol

xxxxxx

JustSarah

Re-read the thread guys - he bought the beer for her xxxxx

smadams11

he did bring the beer, but he wasnt drinking it. he just left it by the door for me.
i definitely see strength in what he does -it takes courage to never back down to peer pressure/dumb remarks etc.......but i could never live that way.
work, work, work, die is how he sees life, with no fun at all, not even a night out, a holiday, anything. he would never consider parachuting or taking a cruise or anything. i dont understand how he can feel that way. life isnt meant for fun to him i guess. although i obviously agree that you need to work in life, you still need to have fun,

thank you for that weed comment-a very good way of putting it. i do need to sort it out.
but when i think about it im really not emotional at all. it was such a stressful time and i was young so its like it happened to some one else and i just watched. to be honest the trial was so much worse than him.

smadams11

putting it in the car boot really will not work. i have managed to stay sober until 8:45 a few times before, then begged and forced my partner to go out and buy me some beer. then i paced and prayed that he would be back with it before 9pm so i was 'allowed' to drink it.
(he goes to get it cause i cant drive and the shop is 35 mins walk away)
x

JustSarah

I don't know what else to suggest then chic. How are you coping now? Xxxxxx

MindlessSmarts

So the reason I leave affirming notes in the places I used to hide my beer was to have it right there in my face. I actually had to put one on my steering wheel that just said "NO" on it so I wouldn't stop. Today I read a post that said 'I just stopped drinking and took what came" I wrote that down and will put that somewhere. The habit breaking is the hardest part. You are so much stronger than you think you are Smadams, if you sit back and think about ways to accomplish your goal, instead of obsessing about the alcohol, (which is what I did for too long) than maybe you can break the cycle.

You can do it!

smadams11

MindlessSmarts, thats a really good idea, i will be doing that also. i used to do something similar while trying to diet so i dont know why i didnt think of it!
x

ReadyAtLast

Have you told your bf you want to quit drinking? I think having beer in the house is a really bad idea.At first I thought it was for him but I see it's only for you. The thing is this: If thebeeris there and you get a cravingit's easy to pick up. If it isn't there you have to think about it, get in the car,drive to the shop,walk round, pick up the beer,take it to the checkout.That's a lot of time for the craving to pass and you to think again. If it's in front of you at home it's just too tempting and easy to pick up. Maybe make your home alcohol free-start new habits.

congrats on getting through the last couple of nights btw but why make it harder on yourself

smadams11

well, i have bought loads of different fizzy drinks to keep me occupied and hopefully that will be enough. am actually planning on sitting with the boyf and watching tv later-something i havent done in years without a drink. will be interesting......