It has been six whole months!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
It has been six whole months!
Hi All,
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone here…today marks 6 months for me! This is my second “serious” attempt at sobriety after nearly fifteen years of drinking, ten of them alcoholically. I will try not to be too wordy but I did want to share a couple of insights that may be of use to others starting out on this journey.
First, briefly, when I got to SR back in December I was drinking two bottles of wine a night, on average, with more consumed on weekends (like 3 or 4). I was beginning to drink during the day out of necessity to chase back a hangover or relieve near crippling anxiety attacks that were becoming all too frequent. I was on the verge of losing my job, had in many ways already lost my reputation, and had been hospitalized twice in the prior six months for acute pancreatitis and ulcers. I blacked out and/or passed out almost every time I drank, I had ruined numerous relationships, and had basically become an isolated, miserable, panicky drunk. At 37 years of age. I also looked like hell and had gone from someone who was always guessed at younger than her age to being someone guessed five years older than her age by the time I stopped.
I relapsed once in February for a weekend but got back on the horse by staying on SR all day and night for two days. Many of you were a part of that process and keeping me sober over those very long 48 hours.
I have been sober since.
It has not been an easy ride but it is something I would not trade now for anything. Almost all of the above situations have turned themselves around, albeit slowly, and the best part of the whole thing is that I can look at myself in the mirror again without mortification and shame being my predominant emotions. I have not drunk-dialed, text-messaged, emailed, or Facebooked anyone in six months (amazingly, they don’t seem to miss that…), I have remembered how I have gotten home every night, I have not “lost” my car once, when I miss a day of work people no longer assume I am drunk, and I no longer wake up in the morning looking like two wild turkeys spent the night mating on my head. I actually look younger again thanks to not being bloated and walking around with bloodshot eyes anymore, and I have not had any unexplained cuts, bruises or broken bones. And I am certain the stock value of Halls cough drops and Listerine mouth wash has dropped precipitously now that I am no longer buying pallets of it.
Has it all been perfect? No. The first three months were cravings, mood swings including pink clouds, rages, and depressions. As well as walking around in a fog where I could barely perform basic functions, and certainly not think coherently. I despaired constantly over the fact that I had had to give up my most of my friends and social life (as it were) and that I would never, ever have fun again. I had to learn a whole new set of social skills again (also known as…well, social skills…but of the sober variety such as standing upright and speaking coherently AT THE SAME TIME!) and I have had to learn how to live with myself. This has been the hardest part but, slowly but surely, it is becoming less painful.
I got sober using a little bit of everything. Since I was basically an indiscriminate drunk by the end , I figured I shouldn't be choosy in getting sober either. My primary tools, however, are AA and SR. I’m still not religious in the traditional sense but I am so very glad I overcame my fear and bias towards AA. And, here, of course, is my SR family where I spend time daily. Both are a crucial to my recovery.
So, one day at a time. To anyone starting the journey, I have the simplest of advice: keep throwing days at it. It took time to get yourself that messed up so it is going to take some time to get yourself un-messed up, too. And, as Dee and most of the folks here with some sobriety always say, get a plan. I had no idea what that meant when I first heard it but now I realize it is a “must” if you are really wanting to stay sober for good. Use any and all means at your disposal.
Anyway, this turned out a bit longer than expected but I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being my friends, my family, my support, and a big piece of my heart these past six months. My love and gratitude to you all.
Now, on to day 181
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone here…today marks 6 months for me! This is my second “serious” attempt at sobriety after nearly fifteen years of drinking, ten of them alcoholically. I will try not to be too wordy but I did want to share a couple of insights that may be of use to others starting out on this journey.
First, briefly, when I got to SR back in December I was drinking two bottles of wine a night, on average, with more consumed on weekends (like 3 or 4). I was beginning to drink during the day out of necessity to chase back a hangover or relieve near crippling anxiety attacks that were becoming all too frequent. I was on the verge of losing my job, had in many ways already lost my reputation, and had been hospitalized twice in the prior six months for acute pancreatitis and ulcers. I blacked out and/or passed out almost every time I drank, I had ruined numerous relationships, and had basically become an isolated, miserable, panicky drunk. At 37 years of age. I also looked like hell and had gone from someone who was always guessed at younger than her age to being someone guessed five years older than her age by the time I stopped.
I relapsed once in February for a weekend but got back on the horse by staying on SR all day and night for two days. Many of you were a part of that process and keeping me sober over those very long 48 hours.
I have been sober since.
It has not been an easy ride but it is something I would not trade now for anything. Almost all of the above situations have turned themselves around, albeit slowly, and the best part of the whole thing is that I can look at myself in the mirror again without mortification and shame being my predominant emotions. I have not drunk-dialed, text-messaged, emailed, or Facebooked anyone in six months (amazingly, they don’t seem to miss that…), I have remembered how I have gotten home every night, I have not “lost” my car once, when I miss a day of work people no longer assume I am drunk, and I no longer wake up in the morning looking like two wild turkeys spent the night mating on my head. I actually look younger again thanks to not being bloated and walking around with bloodshot eyes anymore, and I have not had any unexplained cuts, bruises or broken bones. And I am certain the stock value of Halls cough drops and Listerine mouth wash has dropped precipitously now that I am no longer buying pallets of it.
Has it all been perfect? No. The first three months were cravings, mood swings including pink clouds, rages, and depressions. As well as walking around in a fog where I could barely perform basic functions, and certainly not think coherently. I despaired constantly over the fact that I had had to give up my most of my friends and social life (as it were) and that I would never, ever have fun again. I had to learn a whole new set of social skills again (also known as…well, social skills…but of the sober variety such as standing upright and speaking coherently AT THE SAME TIME!) and I have had to learn how to live with myself. This has been the hardest part but, slowly but surely, it is becoming less painful.
I got sober using a little bit of everything. Since I was basically an indiscriminate drunk by the end , I figured I shouldn't be choosy in getting sober either. My primary tools, however, are AA and SR. I’m still not religious in the traditional sense but I am so very glad I overcame my fear and bias towards AA. And, here, of course, is my SR family where I spend time daily. Both are a crucial to my recovery.
So, one day at a time. To anyone starting the journey, I have the simplest of advice: keep throwing days at it. It took time to get yourself that messed up so it is going to take some time to get yourself un-messed up, too. And, as Dee and most of the folks here with some sobriety always say, get a plan. I had no idea what that meant when I first heard it but now I realize it is a “must” if you are really wanting to stay sober for good. Use any and all means at your disposal.
Anyway, this turned out a bit longer than expected but I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being my friends, my family, my support, and a big piece of my heart these past six months. My love and gratitude to you all.
Now, on to day 181
Bobbi
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Thank you PT..that was a really beautiful post; one that gave me much comfort in my early sobriety (ya mean my constant irritation at people around me might pass? : )
Congratulations on your 6 months!!!
Congratulations on your 6 months!!!
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