Not sure where to begin
 

I know that I am an alcoholic, but it still feels strange to call myself one.

Both my wife and I come from a long line of drinkers and for the past several years we have enabled each other to become alcoholics. We are in our mid twenties and pretty much since the day we turned 21 (and quite a few times beforehand), we have been drinking together every night.

Being young professionals, college graduates, and working stressful jobs it has always been our release. For years, I never saw a problem with this. Our parents would come home to 6-10 drinks every night, so why shouldnt we? It took the edge off. We slowly made the transition to liquor (me from beer and her to wine) to the point of not even mixing it anymore, just warm shots from the bottle chased with soda. When we both started gaining weight and becoming less social, it made me feel better. When I had a rough day, I had something to look forward to - a reprieve - in the safety of our home. Just to relax, just to unwind, just to make our conversation a little more livelier. Mornings, we both stumbled through our routines in a hung over mess only to come home and do the same thing again. My wife and I both suffer from anxiety and panic attacks now; something neither of us had before we started drinking. Now, much of my drinking is self medicating the anxiety issue. During all of this time, neither of us brought "it" up.

It struck me a few months ago, nursing a hangover from the evening prior, that I was waiting for the clock to reach 5:00pm so that it would be "ok" to start drinking. This was on a lazy Saturday afternoon with nothing to unwind from. This concerned me as it was the first time I can remember craving alcohol. Looking at the clock every 20 minutes as I counted several hours to the socially acceptable cocktail hour.

A friend of ours began staying with us a few weeks ago and while she has not commented on my drinking, I found her lack of consumption strange. After a while, I became embarrassed and started hiding it - sneaking a shot while she used the restroom, or only drinking when she was not around.

So, I've pretty well decided that I am an alcoholic and I want to quit. I've been steadily putting on weight (I was very athletic growing up) and my passion and drive at work has been declining.

I have not gone more than 3 or 4 days without alcohol in many years and even during those times (I remember them), I was craving. I usually average 5-8 drinks in a night, but have no problem stopping after that point. I dont drink until I blackout, never drive drunk, no job or family problems from drinking. Unfortunately, my wife refuses to talk to me about this and is adamant that her drinking is "normal".

Mainly at this point I am not sure if I need to see a doctor before quitting. I REALLY do not want to do that as I have seen the same doctor since I was young. I know that is the CYA/safe thing to say, but is it really necessary? I have never had shakes/tremors/hallucinations or anything of the sort on the few days I dont drink. Hungover, today, I have quite a bit of brain fog, anxiety, and dizziness which is normal for me.

Thank you all for your help and the opportunity to vent. This is something I've never discussed with anyone.

Hi PandaPanda. You will find so much support here. :)

Welcome. You will find a lot of support here

I think you've summed it up well,if your looking at the clock,and seeing your friend isn't partaking to the point you are,there's probably an issue. Anything that takes me out of the norm I have to look at. Talking to your doctor couldn't hurt but I'd also check out aa. It's a good program and you'll find your not alone. You'll be surprised as some time passes how the anxiety and all that goes along with it will pass.you sound like a smart person just know your not alone and you have all of us right here who are just a click away..good luck on your new journey and keep us posted as to how it's going...

Panda panda, you are right, you do have a problem, it is brave of you to acknowledge it and coming here is a first step. It is possible you could stop drinking without suffering serious withdrawals, but I believe seeing your doctor is the way to go. I feel you need to put this concern out there, and seek advice from a health professional. It will be hard, quitting whilst your wife still drinks, but there are many here doing just that and if she sees you getting your life back on track, it may give her the impetus to try too. Have you considered AA? We have all been in your shoes, some of us not that long ago, so look on the 'class of August 2013 ' thread for some other newly recovering members. I wish you luck my friend

You've come to a great place for support!!! Have you had a physical and or blood work performed for your doctor? I'm asking cause if you have had blood work done your dr may already be aware of your consumption due to changes in the liver. Also, you trust your dr with your health care and should tell the dr about anything you do that may be harmful to your health. Glad you came here!! Hope to see you around!

Welcome. much support here and, duck, AA.

"I have not gone more than 3 or 4 days without alcohol in many years and even during those times (I remember them), I was craving. I usually average 5-8 drinks in a night, but have no problem stopping after that point. I dont drink until I blackout, never drive drunk, no job or family problems from drinking."

I identify so much with your nevers, however I was told to add the word YET. Your Eligable Too. And it didn't seem that long until they became a big part of my day. We need to become honest with ourselves and surrender to the drug that contros us, alcohol. This is done by not picking up the first drink one day at a time. Hang in there.

Alcoholism is a dis-ease of the feelings and is/was our way of escaping them and there a lot of them.

IOAA2--so true about how we have to add 'yet' to the list of nevers because it only progresses.

Panda, I was really struck by your realization of looking at the clock because "it's okay after 5." I drank like that for years and years and kept telling myself that it was okay because it was after 5. But then you start thinking about 5 p.m. earlier and earlier (like while you're having coffee in the morning). And then wth, why not 4:30 and so on.

You are insightful at recognizing this at an early age and can do something about it before it goes any further.

Best of luck.

If having "brain fog, anxiety, and dizziness" is "normal" for you, then you're already in too deep. You and your wife are also having panic attacks, and your focus and motivation at work is suffering.

It's generally not a good idea to wait until withdrawal symptoms are fully disabling before getting help.

A guy at my first meeting told me too add the word yet too all the noted things that havent happened. i chuckled until they came true very quickly.

and she thinks its normal beacause she is comparing to you and perhaps other people that drink like you.

perhaps both should go to a meeting and see what happens.

I commend you for getting this far and finally recognizing that you may have a problem

Welcome PandaPanda :)
None of us are doctors - none of us can say whats necessary for you...but I had a very bad last detox, I suffered several mini strokes.

My situation may not be typical, but it can happen, along with seizures and other nasty things.

You might be alright - you may not.

I do believe it's in your best interests to see a Dr. If you have a Dr of long standing you do not wish to see, can you see another one?

D