Black Bird

So I had 10 days sober since my last relaps, and then I found out yesterday that I will have to put down my dog today.
Last time I had to put a dog down, I was very active in my alcoholism. I was drunk when I took him in and stayed drunk.
Well yesterday I just felt I could not bare it. I drank 2 beers. Ugh!! That didn't help. The good news I guess is I called my sponser right away, (I know I should have called before the beer) did not have another drop of alcohol, and went to a meeting.
This may sound crazy, but I was pretty proud of myself. My last relapse lasted 2 weeks and out of desperation I got back into recovery.
This time I was a bit stronger.
Bad news is, my hubby is pissed! Which I understand. But I would also love him to understand that, yes I messed up, but I got right back at it (recovery) in a matter of hours.
Is that wrong to want that understanding?
Idk?
Well today is the day I put my dog down. I am doing it sober and I am going to be there totally for my hubby.
Alcoholism sucks! I just have to remember if I don't pick up the first drink it won't
Thanks for llistening

dwtbd

so sorry about your dog, but good for you

Eleni58

Kudos to you for stopping after 2 beers and jumping right back on the sober horse. So sorry about your dog. I had to put my dog to sleep in March and it was devastating!

keen2bclean

I wanted to echo what Eleni said, you did well to put down after two so sorry about your dog, I've had to do it before and it's heartbreaking

longbeachone

I'm so very sorry that your friend and companion will be leaving you today. These, you will find, are the hardest days to bear. In my drinking days, the intense fear that would envelope me in times like these would send me flying toward a bottle. Anything to numb out and not feel those horrible emotions. What a shock it was to discover that all of that terror was for nothing. Feelings...sadness, bitterness, envy...once experienced will fade away. It's when you don't allow yourself to experience feelings by drinking to hide from them that trouble really starts. Emotions, if not expressed, will burn and fester within you, growing exponentially, until they become monsters, festering and writhing. You pour more liquor down your throat to push them away, and they grow stronger still. A viscous circle.

If you can face this day without the wall that you THINK alcohol puts up between you and your emotions, you have won a major victory. You will be there, completely, for your dog. Your husband will be given the incredible gift of saying goodbye, and not having this difficult moment ruined by anger or resentment at you for drinking, and he will be grateful. You will be sad, but you will be okay.

It will be hard, but you can do this.

Serenity1972

Black Bird, I am sorry that you have to put your dog down and I can understand why you choose to pick up a few beers. You should be pleased with yourself that you stopped in time.

I have an elderly dog who is almost 20 years old and he is my soul dog (we have been through so much together) and I know the day is nearing when I am going to have to make a decision if he doesn't do it for me and when that day comes I hope to be as strong as you were today.

Black Bird

Thank you all for the kind words and for that reply. I have spent most my day telling myself to get over it. So I don't feel like drinking. That's no good either. I am going to take your advice and just feel what is happening. If I am an emotional wreck over saying goodbye to my dog, then so be it. I know my husband would be happy to deal with my sober emotions rather than my drunk ones. I would be a worse mess drunk! It is so simple, but of course I complicate it. Thanks again

soberhawk

I am sorry about your dog.

This is sometimes the right thing to do.

I did put my dog down not long ago. In calm environment with a good vet.

It was very peaceful, it is not a bad way to go.

LadyBlue0527

Hi Black Bird,

I'm glad that you stopped at the two and I'm glad that you're choosing to remain sober.

I'm so sorry at what you are having to go through. Pets are family. They are furbabies. I was closer to my brat kitty then I was to most humans.

You're doing the right thing by not drinking. It would have provided some escape for the very short term but in the end instead of having the grief to deal with you would have had the grief plus a hangover.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing

tomsteve

BB, putting a loved pet down is not something a person just gets over, unless they don't have a heart.
a drink wont help the feelings any. they would be there when ya stopped drinking, so goin with it and letting em happen really is a good decision.

notobooze

Putting a much loved pet down is one of the most heartbreaking things you can do in life.

Through all the stupid, drunken things I have done all my dog has ever done is love me.

Nuudawn

Aw my heart breaks for you. I cannot imagine the wrenching sadness I will have to endure ..oh I cannot even finish the sentence. Do your pup the honour of feeling the loss with all you are. Such a noble friend deserves your feelings of grief to be felt...not run from.

Glad you stopped before the train pulled away on ya.

Dee74

I'm sorry BB - but you're making the right call to 'be there' for your dog today. Good for you

Afterwards, treat yourself with that same respect too.

Some days are rough - but we're meant to feel sad, and get through them, not run away, y'know?

D

Black Bird

Thanks so much everyone. He is gone and I was there for him and my husband sober. It was a horrible experience, and I broke down pretty bad. But I am glad I am sober and dealing. Thanks for the kind words and support. It means a lot to me. ((Hugs))

JumpnOn2

Ditto Nuudawn!!! Had to have 2 of my bird dogs sent to doggie heaven. SUCKS!!!SUCKS!!!! Cried in front of the staff while holding them til they were gone. Thought one of the staff was about to join me on the last one. That would cause my beast to raise its ugly head. So I can definitely relate to what you did. Sorry for your loss Black Bird!!!

Mountainmanbob

Anna

Being there for your beloved pet when he needed you the most was the right thing to do. I am so sorry for your loss. I am grateful that I was sober and holding my dear cats when they were put down. Getting through those tough times will make you stronger.

wpainterw

I've put two dogs down, one back in 1992 and the other in 2006. I can identify totally with what you're going through. The first time, that is back in 1992, I was desperate and called my doctor. He gave me a short term prescription for my anxiety. It worked out O.K. since it was a limited amount and was non renewable. I went to an AA meeting and told them how I felt and the fellow that was chairing the meeting admonished me for caring more about the dog than about my "Higher Power". I've never gone back to that meeting for fear of meeting him again. So self confident, so arrogant. There was a grain of truth in what he said. I had become overly dependent on my dog. I loved her and for her sake I had to kill her. The vet said, "This is the greatest gift you could have given her. The greatest and the hardest." But then again, my wife may eventually die of cancer. If, seeing her die I become distraught, and in my grief should I go to another AA meeting and be told that mourning her would interfere with the priority I should give my higher power, would that risk a relapse. If that happens I'll call my doctor- again.
I never drank. Don't feel badly or ashamed that you had two beers. It didn't help did it? Only made it worse. And now you're back in recovery. Relapses happen. It sounds like you truly want to continue in recovery and if that is so then nothing is lost. Everything is gained. All the best.

W.

ImperfectlyMe

So sorry blackbird