Kind of New
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 6
Kind of New
I started to see a psychologist a couple of months ago because I recognized that I have a drinking problem. Although this was not the first time I've been told either by others or by myself this. I'm 46, and have been a heavy "binge" drinker off and on since I was 17. I know I'm an alcoholic because even though I can go long periods without a drink, when I do, it is almost always to excess. It's like a roller coaster sometimes -- ups and downs.
My psychologist has been trying to get me to admit that controlling my drinking is not an option. If I was able to drink in moderation, I would be doing it already. I have to agree with him. But I've been struggling to come to grips with that reality. How can I do that? I have to sell all of my homebrew equipment in the basement? That's my hobby? I can't drink with my friends or my brother anymore? It's a bitter pill to swallow.
After going a week without a drink, I started again on Monday. For not apparent reason -- in the middle of the day -- during work -- maybe I was feeling restless, bored with work, frustrated, I don't know. But I had several drinks on Monday. Then yesterday, I had even more and got total s*** faced drunk. So bad, I went to bed before my wife was even done making supper. I suppose I blacked out for the last hour or so before I crashed. All I know is that I lied to my wife, but then told her I was drinking (she smelled it anyway, so lying was futile), and went to bed.
Now of course, I feel like crap today, feel strung out, anxious, depressed, a little hung over (although my hang over thresh-hold is very high). Even though I'm a devout atheist, I decided to look up an AA meeting. I walked there at noon, but I guess the web site was wrong. There wasn't an AA meeting.
I quit smoking a year ago, and have no desire to go back. As hard as quitting smoking was, I think my relationship with alcohol is going to be a lot harder to break.
My psychologist has been trying to get me to admit that controlling my drinking is not an option. If I was able to drink in moderation, I would be doing it already. I have to agree with him. But I've been struggling to come to grips with that reality. How can I do that? I have to sell all of my homebrew equipment in the basement? That's my hobby? I can't drink with my friends or my brother anymore? It's a bitter pill to swallow.
After going a week without a drink, I started again on Monday. For not apparent reason -- in the middle of the day -- during work -- maybe I was feeling restless, bored with work, frustrated, I don't know. But I had several drinks on Monday. Then yesterday, I had even more and got total s*** faced drunk. So bad, I went to bed before my wife was even done making supper. I suppose I blacked out for the last hour or so before I crashed. All I know is that I lied to my wife, but then told her I was drinking (she smelled it anyway, so lying was futile), and went to bed.
Now of course, I feel like crap today, feel strung out, anxious, depressed, a little hung over (although my hang over thresh-hold is very high). Even though I'm a devout atheist, I decided to look up an AA meeting. I walked there at noon, but I guess the web site was wrong. There wasn't an AA meeting.
I quit smoking a year ago, and have no desire to go back. As hard as quitting smoking was, I think my relationship with alcohol is going to be a lot harder to break.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hey, Dadman. Welcome to SR!
I imagined life without alcohol as being a vast, tedious, stressful, boring venture. Guess what? Nothing could be further from the truth. All the things I enjoyed while drinking—hanging out with friends, music, breathing (let's face it, I didn't really need a reason to drink)—are now way better! More than that, I now enjoy something new to me—contentment. Amazing how great it is to just be in the moment, instead of constantly obsessing over drinks, the past ones I regretted, the future ones I craved....
I know what you mean about the homebrew scene. had some really nice crystal beer glasses and other stuff. I went through the same thing—how can I get rid of those? You know what though? That was just my addiction talking. I mean, when you get right down to it, that stuff was just drug paraphernalia, ya know?
Your friends and brother will get by just fine without you. A part of you, the addicted part of you, will make all kinds of excuses about why you shouldn't quit. Don't listen to that—it's how addiction keeps you in its grips. You won't miss it at all. This isn't about giving stuff up, it's about getting stuff back. Self-respect, freedom, peace of mind... a lot of very good stuff is going to be coming your way, just wait and see.
I imagined life without alcohol as being a vast, tedious, stressful, boring venture. Guess what? Nothing could be further from the truth. All the things I enjoyed while drinking—hanging out with friends, music, breathing (let's face it, I didn't really need a reason to drink)—are now way better! More than that, I now enjoy something new to me—contentment. Amazing how great it is to just be in the moment, instead of constantly obsessing over drinks, the past ones I regretted, the future ones I craved....
I know what you mean about the homebrew scene. had some really nice crystal beer glasses and other stuff. I went through the same thing—how can I get rid of those? You know what though? That was just my addiction talking. I mean, when you get right down to it, that stuff was just drug paraphernalia, ya know?
Your friends and brother will get by just fine without you. A part of you, the addicted part of you, will make all kinds of excuses about why you shouldn't quit. Don't listen to that—it's how addiction keeps you in its grips. You won't miss it at all. This isn't about giving stuff up, it's about getting stuff back. Self-respect, freedom, peace of mind... a lot of very good stuff is going to be coming your way, just wait and see.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
hey dadman
devout atheist , father(I assume based on your username),46, binge drank since teens, lied to my wife smelling like whiskey about 2 wks ago, too
this is a really good place to start
great people who want nothing but to offer help
tons of suggestions and resources, look around especially the secular connections forum
haven't lied to or wanted/needed to lie to my wife in a couple of weeks and it started here, glad you found it
devout atheist , father(I assume based on your username),46, binge drank since teens, lied to my wife smelling like whiskey about 2 wks ago, too
this is a really good place to start
great people who want nothing but to offer help
tons of suggestions and resources, look around especially the secular connections forum
haven't lied to or wanted/needed to lie to my wife in a couple of weeks and it started here, glad you found it
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi dadman
I can't lie - it will most likely be hard - but you're not alone in all this
There's a ton of support here - plug yourself in - read around, posts as much as you like.
Check out our Class of August support thread
D
I can't lie - it will most likely be hard - but you're not alone in all this
There's a ton of support here - plug yourself in - read around, posts as much as you like.
Check out our Class of August support thread
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 24
Great to see you here dadman, you're in the right place
I don't believe in God either and went to my first AA meeting last week. I've been to 8 meetings since and I'm really beginning to feel at peace. Like you I am a binge drinker so like you it will probably be quite easy to go the next few weeks without drink. The key for me is to build up strength through the people I meet at AA so I don't hit that binge again.
When I started to learn what an alcoholic was I was in no doubt but that I am one but it is something you need to discover for yourself. Go to the meeting, listen to the people, read the literature and very soon you will see the amazing life laid out before you.
It's a journey you take one day at a time
I don't believe in God either and went to my first AA meeting last week. I've been to 8 meetings since and I'm really beginning to feel at peace. Like you I am a binge drinker so like you it will probably be quite easy to go the next few weeks without drink. The key for me is to build up strength through the people I meet at AA so I don't hit that binge again.
When I started to learn what an alcoholic was I was in no doubt but that I am one but it is something you need to discover for yourself. Go to the meeting, listen to the people, read the literature and very soon you will see the amazing life laid out before you.
It's a journey you take one day at a time
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Great to meet you Dadman - you found a great place for support.
I was very panicky when I realized I had to give it up all together. I couldn't imagine my life without it - so I kept trying to manage the amounts I drank. It was never possible, and I ended up almost self-destructing seeking the old euphoria it once gave me. In the end I never felt high or happy - just numb, sick, and filled with regret. I decided trying to control my drinking was exhausting - it made much more sense to kick it out of my life. We know you can do this - it'll feel great to be free.
I was very panicky when I realized I had to give it up all together. I couldn't imagine my life without it - so I kept trying to manage the amounts I drank. It was never possible, and I ended up almost self-destructing seeking the old euphoria it once gave me. In the end I never felt high or happy - just numb, sick, and filled with regret. I decided trying to control my drinking was exhausting - it made much more sense to kick it out of my life. We know you can do this - it'll feel great to be free.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
Welcome,
I was not Atheist, nor religious or any divine stuff, I like science and accept the fact that something is "out there" and I hope the experts one day sort it out.
Yet AA is spiritual....what does that mean?
Well one thing for sure I found out, it is not to be confused with whatever one confuses it with.
But spiritual as in the sense of our personality, the way we thought about alcohol, and the way we think about it now, meaning the obsession to drink is a thought process and that can be removed. For me it worked with the program AA, the book, has to offer.
The craving or the physical effects alcohol does to some of us, no that can't be "fixed" either, your psychologist's suggestion that moderation is not an option, I can relate to that to. He probably means abstinence.
Selling the home brew things? well, I got rid of my old "tools of the trade" and took up flying kites. It got boring, so I cut the string and made another kite and gave it away. There are people who do fly kites these days, some had home brew kits to I may add!
The fellowship of AA, meetings etc may all differ, but the book of AA has remained the same since 1939. It was written by recovered alcoholics for alcoholics willing to recover.
I suggest you buy that book and read the 1st chapter, The Doctors Opinion.
There is also a chapter in there, We Agnostics....keep going to as many different meetings with an open mind, look for the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, and I hope you will see that the God thing only has to make sense to you and does not matter if it makes no sense to anyone else.
Ring the central office or look for a phone number, meeting places do change and the web site may not yet been updated.
All the Best
I was not Atheist, nor religious or any divine stuff, I like science and accept the fact that something is "out there" and I hope the experts one day sort it out.
Yet AA is spiritual....what does that mean?
Well one thing for sure I found out, it is not to be confused with whatever one confuses it with.
But spiritual as in the sense of our personality, the way we thought about alcohol, and the way we think about it now, meaning the obsession to drink is a thought process and that can be removed. For me it worked with the program AA, the book, has to offer.
The craving or the physical effects alcohol does to some of us, no that can't be "fixed" either, your psychologist's suggestion that moderation is not an option, I can relate to that to. He probably means abstinence.
Selling the home brew things? well, I got rid of my old "tools of the trade" and took up flying kites. It got boring, so I cut the string and made another kite and gave it away. There are people who do fly kites these days, some had home brew kits to I may add!
The fellowship of AA, meetings etc may all differ, but the book of AA has remained the same since 1939. It was written by recovered alcoholics for alcoholics willing to recover.
I suggest you buy that book and read the 1st chapter, The Doctors Opinion.
There is also a chapter in there, We Agnostics....keep going to as many different meetings with an open mind, look for the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, and I hope you will see that the God thing only has to make sense to you and does not matter if it makes no sense to anyone else.
I decided to look up an AA meeting. I walked there at noon, but I guess the web site was wrong. There wasn't an AA meeting.
All the Best
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Yes, for sure it will be hard and there are often hard choices to make in early recovery. But, the choices we make at that time can make a huge difference in whether we recover or not. Change is essential.
You can do this!
You can do this!
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