ctryrds

hello...

I stumbled upon this site after a Google search for trying to get off opiates. Today is my first day of going without and I am in a sheer he11...I have made up my mind though to come off of this evilness once and for all as it has already cost me 1 marriage, my 2 daughters and a boyfriend who meant the world to me. 3 years later, I am starting to see the path of self destruction I went down...and as hard as it is for me to admit that I am a 'narcotic addict', I also know that is the major step in recovery too.

I am a nurse and I am constantly berating myself for getting to this point. But again, I had easy access to the stuff too...

Any help, advice, etc would be appreciated.

Thanks,
S

360shoes

Welcome Ctryrds!

I don't know. Acknowledging that what I had been doing wasn't working so well was a good first step for me. I figured I would worry about why I did it and what it meant later. I just needed it to stop.

I knew I would need some help and support so that's what I did. Made a decision I was done, asked for whatever help I could get, kept my mind open to doing whatever it would take, and then did it.

I knew it wouldn't be easy but continuing living how I was living wasn't easy either. I just picked my hard.

You are a nurse so you probably don't need me to tell you to be safe but I'm saying it anyway. Please be safe and get another medical professional to help you if you need it.

Welcome to SR. You will find lots of support here. We've all been there.

ctryrds

Thanks 360.

I do have chronic lower back pain after a bunch of compression fractures from L1-L5 at the hands of my ex husband. I have reached the point though that pain meds are no longer effective. It was yesterday that I realized how bad my addiction is. While I am still living with a lot of chronic lower back pain that certain meds do take the edge off, I have also reached a high with my pill intake. I am going through a 10 day prescription of Percocets in about a 3 day window. I know this has to stop and I am ready to do this for myself. I am ashamed to go to my doctor and admit this to her though she is a very compassionate person. I am going to try to go cold turkey here and see how I do. I am armed with plenty of loperamide, benzo's, etc. Today, I just feel like blah. I cant move, cant sleep, cant think, cant do much of anything. My thoughts are racing. I've already lost a lot to this and I can no longer do this to myself.

I just hope that once I get through the roughest w/d, I will be a bit better and somewhat able to function again by next week...I am just going to need a lot of support and such. I have not told anyone about this as I am too embarrassed and ashamed. I did call a place today and they told me that addiction does not discriminate which is somewhat comforting to hear. I think?

Again, thank you for the kind words.

S~

360shoes

Hi S,
I started in the March class here and I have a couple of classmates who struggled with the opioids. You are so not alone and it can happen to the best of us. In fact, there was a couple of days on here we in the March class all threw our real pictures up...that's how close we got and trusted each other. Funny thing was we all were so surprised to see just normal nice real people...not the circus freaks we all felt like inside.

There is nothing to be embarrassed about. No matter what substance brought us here, the truth is, they are all designed to do this. It could happen to anyone.

If you would like to talk to some folks who have dealt with the opioids specifically, I would just throw it out there on a thread or feel free to jump in the March 2013 class and just ask. We are a pretty nice bunch of people here and all you have to do is just jump in. We would love to have you.

Me....I drank mass quantities of wine there at the end. First month quitting wasn't all that much fun but I lived. It's so worth it though.

I'm sorry about your injury and I'm really sorry someone did that to you. You didn't deserve that but you do deserve a good life now!

ctryrds

360

I will check it out. Thank you. I am also very relieved to know that I am not alone in this battle of demons. I figured by joining here, I had nothing to loose. I am ready to do this once and for all. My ex boyfriend and I still are very friendly and tonight I did come clean with him about it all. While we are not back together, we have agreed to be point blank honest with each other from this point forward which I should have been doing the whole time in retrospect. I think he saw it while we were together and I do remember at one point him making a comment that I take the meds for more than just physical pain. I was in complete denial at the time but looking back, I do think he is correct in that statement. When I did finally come clean with him tonight, we cried together and he did say that he would be there to support me in whatever way he can. I told him it will probably be a bumpy road.

I am just tired of having to take the meds to make me feel "normal" all of the time. When I was taking 6 percs just to wake myself in the morning, it was my turning point. Yesterday morning my friend saw me doing it and took over my meds. She has offered them to me throughout the day but I told her not to even bring them up. I am set on getting clean. Saturday night I almost had a nervous breakdown. I was contemplating other measures to get rid of this pain, both physically and emotionally. It was my good friend who talked me down from that. I did come clean with her last night (on my birthday of all nights) about it so I guess I shouldnt say I havent told anyone but just her and my ex now know. I am too afraid to tell my family about this...

It can only get better from here on out right?