jakec

Well today is Day 3 of being sober since my recent relapse on Saturday and I'm not doing so hot. The obsession and compulsion to use is so awful it's not even funny.

And last night, I snuck out of the house and walked 4 miles to the nearest store and got my substance of choice. I walked home only to find out that my mom woke up and saw I was missing. When I went inside she took the drugs and flushed them down the toilet. I was PISSED. Pissed at the fact that I couldn't get high, yet pissed at the fact that I almost ****** up again.

I should be grateful that I didn't get sent to jail on monday for using, as I'm in Drug Court, but instead I sit here feeling sorry for myself and over-thinking my life and how I have to stay sober a whole year to complete drug court and I just need to STOP all the thoughts... live in today, like they say in NA We didn't become addicted in one day, so remember, easy does it. how true that is!

Anyways, I'm seriously considering using right now so someone please talk me out of it!! In the meantime, I shall call my sponsor.

Bubovski

Give it time,but not all the time in the world.

Good idea to call your sponsor.

The drug 'highs' are very demeaning, also compelling.

Time and the right attitude, that initially may seem very strange...
will help eventually.

Dee74

Jake, I know this is not what you want to hear but if you can't stop on your own, maybe you need a decent rehab stay - like months?

D

least

I agree with Dee. Since what you're doing so far isn't working, why not do something different?

jakec

I've been in in-patient like 6 times.. I get such terrible anxiety in facilities to the point where I start to hurt my self or isolate from everyone or end up running.

Dee74

Then I guess you're back to reaching out for help Jake...can you try to work on doing that before you use?

D