mayhan

hi
This is my first time ever posting anything but I really need help as once I start drinking I can't stop until I nearly pass out or do something completely stupid which happens regularly basis. I have tried to discuss it with my husband but he enjoys a drink too. This weekend alone I was out 3 nights and can't remember coming home in all 3 nights. I know that I should go to AA but can't face up to it. The doctor gave me antiabuse but I am scared to death to take them. I run my own business and have two amazing boys (for them alone I need to stop as they are getting to the age of noticing) I really need help but not sure the best route. I am so embarrassed that I have come to this and wonder can I do it without the everyone knowing. Thanks

kab

hi mayhan ,,go to aa meetings,,there you will find help,,,,,,,also pray for help to do the right thing to help keep you from drinking,prayer works,,it has for me,,prayer is my strongest tool in my alcoholic tool box,,,,in aa you will also find the big book ,,read it,,and follow the 12 steps,,,,,when and if you decide to go to aa mtgs,,,,talk to people ,,tell them what your problem is just as you are now on this posting,,,remember "JLY"

mayhan

Thanks Kab, just the thought of aa is very overwhelming at this moment, I am still trying to get my head around how I got to this point, I just feel I have no-one to turn too, to discuss this problem its very lonely. I always have to keep up an image for business and family, I am trying to battle this on my own without them knowing and its so hard, really hard.

hayley86

Hi Mayhan, welcome to SR you will find lots of great support and advice here. Everyone here has been in a similar position to you at some point or another. This is an illness and it can happen to anyone so don't feel embarrassed. Its great that you are reaching out for help and that you want to get sober and well. I think its a good step that you have spoken to your doctor.I don't have any experience of antabuse but others may have.

People use many different methods and tools for recovery AA is not the only option. However, i did find that when i first wanted to stop drinking i found attending and listening to AA meetings very comforting as i was around people who finally understood how i was feeling!. So that may be something to consider. With regards to doing recovery without everyone knowing. Initially i only told the people closest to me as i found i really needed their support. But it is up to you who you tell or don't tell. Wishing you well.

mayhan

Thank you even just being able to talk to someone else is bring the problem closer to a head. I just have a sick feeling in my stomach because I know I have a tough journey and I have really left people down.

hayley86

You have not let people down. This is an illness and you did not choose it. In a perfect world this wouldn't happen but it does and its how we respond to it and fight back to get well which is whats important. You have already made a start on your journey for recovery by admitting your problem, seeing your doctor and reaching out for help here.

This website is full of friendly people who will support you and give you advice when you need it. It has been really important to my recovery. You might want to consider getting a plan together for your recovery and avoid any places and people that you associate with drinking. I found those two things essential in my recovery. Getting sober and well is the best thing i have done. Wishing you the best.

mayhan

thanks hayley86, have started putting a plan in place gave me something to do for the evening. I have being reading this site for about a year but never had the courage to post anything until today. Great advice about avoiding places and people.

Hevyn

Glad to have you here with us mayhan. It really helps to not be alone with the problem. Being here with others who understood made a huge difference to me. I found the strength to stop for good. You can do it too - we're here to help.

AprilMae

mayhan - I had alot of fear about AA as well. Will people know me, or my family? The reality is everyone there has the same problem and differing life issues. Listening, talking and opening up brings such relief. Some of the anxiety you are feeling is probably from the alcohol itself - being the depressant that it is. If you can stay clear for a night or two and find a women's meeting that works - GO! I wouldn't allow myself to over think it any longer - I just DID IT. We are alcoholics and need support. Truly, it is the only way, getting support in every way possible.

Dee74

hey mayhan

noone here will tell you what to do, but I think you need to do something, yeah?

think about your options - if AA meetings seem too much, what about online meetings?

is counselling an option?

what about other recovery groups like Women for Sobriety or non 12 step meeting based recovery groups like SMART or Lifering?

what about Rational Recovery? they have no meetings at all....

here's some links to some of the main players for you to look at :

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

and of course...there's us

I recommend the Class of August thread - lots of support there from folks more or less at the same point as you

D

Mizzuno

Not opening up about this problem is going to keep you drinking. I was very frightened of what people would think of me when they found out I was alcoholic. Everybody on the planet has a problem of some sort, and so thinking of it in this perspective has helped. I would rather people know that I am an Alcoholic and see that I am doing something about my alcoholism, then for them not to know and I continue to drown in the problem.

You do not have to tell anyone. This is a personal decision, and you get to choose who knows. Just like you get to choose to become sober. I do not attend AA. I have in the past, and it was not like the whole town knew of my problem. I made friends and it was comforting. I think it is a great way for others to have a community of people that are striving for the same goal, which is Sobriety.

Today I use SR as my main recovery tool. This forum saved my life. I am 5 months sober. The longest I have been in years. If I need AA, I know where it is.

Have you considered therapy? Many people use this forum and therapy as a means to stay sober.

The first few weeks are tough, but well worth the mild discomfort. You can do this. Do not think that you can not. If I can get sober, anyone can get sober. We are here for you. Thank you for opening up. I know how frightening the initial admittance is. We understand here at SR.

mayhan

Hi all I'm feeling much stronger today, I passed a good test a person that I would be close too asked could she call for a glass of wine which usually ended up with me passed out on the couch or bed (she can drink double the amount I can) my husband and children get really annoyed when they hear that i have being out with her. So when she called I told her no and stayed home instead had a bath and slept. I was incredibly proud of myself. If I had said yes it would of meant 4 bottles of wine, hungover and getting sick all today. My husband has made it clear that the only time I get myself in a real state is when I'm around her so plan number one avoid her until I'm stronger in myself. My husband also told me that when I have one drink its like a switch goes off and I have no regard for him and our kids .....that piece of truth hurt! Every weekend we go away to our in laws holiday home where there is no end to the cases of wine (I'm always the one falling down and know they talk about the state i was in) so this weekend he is going to take the boys and I'm going to have 'me' time to give myself a chance to really put in action a plan to help me,( another girlfriends that I trust but doesn't know is going to stay might get an opportunity to explain things) I know it's only day two but since I started writing here and getting your amazing support and advice I can think more clearly now. My husband really enjoys a drink so my next step is to ask him not bring any into the house, I hate when my boys tell me I was really tired last night when I was actually really drunk !!!